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female
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*od
writes: Me and my ex boyfriend have going out on and off for the last 3 years. Whenever we've split up it's been my choice because I just get all confused and maybe want more or something. We last split up in June/July and now I'm really missing him. He treated me so well and was so sweet and genuine, but I don't know how I feel and whether my feelings are genuine for him. All I know is the thought of him with anyone else just kills me. I'm 18 and he's 19. I just don't know how I really feel and I'm really confused about the whole thing.
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female
reader, ritzy +, writes (30 September 2005):
First off... do you really think this guy is the only one in the world for you? It comes down to being emotionally ready. If you're not sure or are not consistant with how you feel then you're not ready. And that's really ok. It's just not the right time yet. If the thought of seeing him with someone else kills you you are definately not ready. The emotion of jealousy that you are feeling especially if he has done nothing to provoke it can evenually break a relationship. If he can't make up his mind than he is not ready. It's all about being ready. What's the rush anyway? You were 15 and he was 16 and there's never been anyone else? It is unrealist to think that you will love or be loved by only 1 person in your lifetime. So your trying to decide on something permanent from an "I'm not sure" place. That in itself should give you the answer. Stop trying to talk yourself into something your not ready for. If you have to question your feelings than you've already made the decision. This is really all about you and what you want. You're not failing a relationship. You're just feeling what we all feel when we're about to make another life altering decision. The questioning of oneself. The "I don't want to hurt him because he is so nice." It's ok to move on... adding more value and experiences into your own life. You don't have to rush into anything. You'll know when it's right for you. Good luck.
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female
reader, Clarey  +, writes (29 September 2005):
 It is not surprising that you are looking for a larger experience from life. I have seen that some relationships like the one you are describing are good for later years. I have just met my first love again after 30! What would be best is for you to expand your circle of friends and meet loads of guys as friends. You are just going through that wanderlust period many people do. There is a whole world out there to explore and you need to start thinking about what you want from a future relationship more. What would that person be like, appart from being sweet and good looking? Don't beat yourself up about making choices or mistakes, you have plenty of time, he does not need to be your final answer. Let him go in your mind and allow him the same freedom you want. It does not matter what happens in between, if you end up together you can both say you had a good time exploring. I know you feel possessive about him, but you do not possess each other. Nobody ever does. Try to relax about it and keep in touch with him as a friend he won't forget.
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