A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Been with boyfriend for over a year.We are both in our late 20's. We only have sex once or once every 2 weeks.There are a lot of times where i want it more than him. He gives me excuses he is tired, he is bloated from food etc. But then says , oh we can still do romantic things such as kissing or snuggling. It seems if it were up to him all he would wanna do is snuggle.I know there is no one else in the picture, we live together.We have had a talk about it recently. He said he physically can't do it more times and he needs to finally go get checked at the doctor. Said doc's before told him he has low testosterone.Is this really true?or is he just not that into me physically but likes my personality more??This is wierd, because in past relationships I have never had this issue. I am very petite, blonde and average build. I know I am attractive and get attention from guys not that I ask for it. What's wierd is if he has low testosterone how come when i am out with him, if he every now and then he sees someone he fancies he checks them out or puts his hands in his pocket? ... This is an odd situation and it is really starting to take a toll on my esteem.Question:Do you all think he has medical issues or just doesn't wanna tell me the truth that I'm not his type sexually?Is there a way to get him to want me more or something I should do ? Would help a lot
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female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (2 August 2017):
 Some people just have lower libidos. It's not wrong to not want it raised. I don't think it's about attraction in this case; he just seems to prefer romantic stuff to sex. It's up to you whether or not you're happy with how it is, as long as he's still attracted to you in general.
A
male
reader, judgedick  +, writes (2 August 2017):
 I go along with what the other three posters said fully, and just wish to add that to build T you need to work out, to take up fitness would be good for the two of you,
It is normally a long process to get TESTED for low T, as dr don't look for it unless told to,
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2017): You both offer great advice . Thank you :)
I don't mind the frequency of intimacy. Just I guess I find it odd someone that young would have that. Then again , It can happen to anyone I suppose. It just now adays you never know, sometimes people want the companionship and string you along til something else meets their fancy.
Thanks for the advice but I think for now I will take the route and see if he goes to the doctor,etc.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2017): He says he has a low testosterone level, he's not blind. It doesn't require testosterone to look.
It is apparent that you have a higher sex-drive than he does. Why does that have to mean there's something wrong with you?
We all have our own set levels of energy that generates our sex-drive/libido; and the frequency of sex depends on how much you want it. If your hormones don't fuel your desire, you don't get horny.
Your self-esteem is not linked to his testosterone level. Not even remotely. They are separate and unrelated. So why would his medical-issue have any ties to how you feel about yourself? it's all on him!
As for what other men you knew were like. You can no more compare one man's libido to another; than you can compare one woman's to the next. You have to judge him for who he is, not against others you've known in your past relationships. If he compared you to an ex, your self-esteem would plunge; and you'd be devastated, based on what you've indicated. So don't even go there.
If the lack of sex in your relationship is really a deal-breaker; now is the time to consider what to do with the relationship. He may have only wanted to have a girlfriend; but wasn't really interested that much in sex. Be that the case, you're sexually-incompatible. There isn't much you can do to make him want more sex. At best, he'll frustrate you and you'll become resentful.
It's unusual for a guy in his 20's to have a low testosterone level. It would usually be associated with some health issue. So has he asked his doctor what to do about it? It could be due to some pituitary problem, type 2 diabetes, or cancer treatments. Has he explained why his T is low? It is usually treatable in men under 30.
I think you could make all this so much simpler if you'd consider ending the relationship. I don't think he's the right guy for you; and nothing short of making him over is really going to change anything. You're not married, so going through very complicated procedures and taking drastic measures may not even be worth all the trouble. If he can't figure-out other ways to please you, perhaps he just isn't that much into sex.
Sometimes we have to make a decision, and it's not an easy one. If you're going to blame yourself and take on all the responsibility; that's further proof you're sexually-incompatible, and you're not going to be happy with him as he is. Changing him is not your responsibility.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2017): Poster- Yeah, that's the thing it seems he delays going to the doctor. I asked him if he had this issue in previous relationships? He said yes. Not sure if that is true or if he only gets this with me.
I just wonder why he is with me then or is it he is waiting til a different type that he prefers comes along and he just has me for companionship?
Either way both of you thanks for the advice. He definately has to go to the doctor either way.
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A
male
reader, Riot2017  +, writes (2 August 2017):
You have a problem of sexual incompatibility. Low Testosterone is a real issue, not sure how old is your partner.
Now, I can only talk from my perspective. I'm overworked, over stressed, and I only sleep 5 hours a day from M to F. Many times I'm too tired to want to do anything, so sometimes we have the same amount of sex you two do.
My GF is very hot, but I really don't have the stamina or energy to increase our frequently.
However, I recently started doing gym and swimming 5 days a week, and I have noticed my libido increased, and our frequency started to increase significantly. You could try suggesting him to do more exercise, and also , go with him with the doctor to get him checked out, otherwise you got no proof he really got a low T.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (2 August 2017):
 Low T means lower libido, not being blind to attractive people.
He should get checked out because low T is not super common in the 20's.
However, I would consider one thing. Is he TALKING about a check up or actually GOING to a check up? Because talk is worthless if not follow up by a deed. So either HE wants to figure out what's up with this or he doesn't.
As for him (did I understand this part right?) grab his penis through his pocket when he sees other attractive girls out and about? That is a bit.... juvenile. Isn't that what guys who have no control over their bodies do?
I mean he ACTUALLY has to put his hand in his pocket and touch himself? That is freaking weird.
How does he know (without having a doctor tell him) that he can't have sex more than once every 7-14 days? He doesn't. THAT is the answer. He doesn't want sex more than that or he would already have seen his doctor. If you ask me.
And let's not forget... he doesn't NEED his penis to be erect to get YOU off. To share intimacy or even sex (though not penetration) - he just CHOOSES not to if he can't get it up.
I have to say you two might not be very well matched in the bedroom and that will only make other things in the relationship not work so well.
Are you fulfilled here? Sexually and other wise?
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A
male
reader, Garbo +, writes (2 August 2017):
 Having low T does not mean the guy is incapable of noticing a beautoful woman. Besides that, yes, low T knocks off mans ability to have elections. Maybe that is his case so avoids a situation where it's uncomfortable that he can't please you.
Dealing with these hormonal issues maybe more than just low T. Things such as what it converts to, how much etc can also be the cause.
Anyway, you should take him for the word and demand that he takes a thorough doctor exam so that you can see his T for yourself. You may actually do him a favor as well if he is low on T, so that way he maybe forced to do something about it. He is of age where he should not have these sort of problems and if does not fix that now the problem goes exponentially bigger after his 40s.
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