A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I live in the state of New Hampshire and my husband and I have had a rocky relationship for quite sometime now. We have been married 14 and 1/2 yrs now. He doesn't seem to understand or want to believe that if things don't start to improve then the relationship is going to end. I want to take the first step with out making it permanent. Can anyone help me with the process of a legal separation and divorce? I can't afford a divorce lawyer right now and all the free legal advice lines in this state are only open a select amount of hours and you have to sit on hold for hours to answer a few income question and then they set you up with a phone interview which is always days later and during the hours I work. Not easy to get help. How long is a legal separtion good for before you have to file for divorce? Does it cost to file for a legal separation? Any help is greatly appreciated. Just don;t know where to start.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (30 November 2011):
 a google search for New Hampshire divorce laws gives this link (among many other links):
http://www.divorcesource.com/info/divorcelaws/newhampshire.shtml
and it says:
In order to file for a divorce, the parties must: I. Both be residents of the state and the filing spouse must be a resident for a least 1 year prior to filing or; the grounds must have occurred in the state and one of the spouses must be a resident for at least 1 year prior to filing. The divorce shall be filed in the county in which either spouse resides. (New Hampshire Statutes - Chapters: 458:5, 458:6, 458:9)
BASICALLY THIS MEANS YOU HAVE TO LIVE INT HE STATE FOR AT LEAST ONE YEAR PRIOR TO THE FILING
A divorce may be granted on the following grounds:
No-Fault:
Irreconcilable differences which have caused the irremediable breakdown of the marriage.
Fault:
I. Impotency of either party. II. Adultery of either party. III. Extreme cruelty of either party to the other. IV. Conviction of either party, in any State or Federal District, of a crime punishable with imprisonment for more than one year and actual imprisonment under such conviction. V. When either party has so treated the other as seriously to injure health or endanger reason. VI. When either party has been absent 2 years together, and has not been heard of. VII. When either party is an habitual drunkard, and has been such for 2 years together. VIII. When either party has joined any religious sect or society which professes to believe the relation of husband and wife unlawful, and has refused to cohabit with the other for 6 months together. IX. When either party, without sufficient cause, and without the consent of the other, has abandoned and refused, for 2 years together, to cohabit with the other. (New Hampshire Statutes - Chapters: 458:7, 458:26)
BASICALLY THIS MEANS YOU CAN HAVE NO FAULT DIVORCE YOU DO NOT HAVE TO HAVE A "REASON" FOR WANTING THE DIVORCE
Primary Documents: Petition for Divorce and Decree of Divorce. These are the essential documents needed to start and finalize a divorce according to New Hampshire law. There are anywhere from ten to twenty other documents that may be required throughout the filing process. A few other documents that are typically filed during the process are: Personal Data Sheet, Financial Affidavit, and Notice of Hearing.
THESE ARE THE FORMS YOU MAY NEED...
Property Distribution: Since New Hampshire is an "equitable distribution" state, the marital property shall be divided in an equitable fashion. Equitable does not mean equal, but rather what is fair. The court will encourage the parties to reach a settlement on property and debt issues otherwise the court will declare the property award.
THIS MEANS THAT THE COURT WILL DECIDE WHO GETS WHAT IF YOU CAN'T
This page at the bottom has lots of links as well for the forms and online services for filing for the divorce. Here in maryland we downloaded the forms and my STBX took them to the court house and filed them. A week later I went to the courthouse and filed my response and poof January 6th we go to court and get our divorce. In Maryland there is no legal seperation but you have to live in seperate homes for one year prior to filing for the divorce.
this link seems to break it down even further:
http://www.document-do-it-yourself-service.com/divorce_laws/new_hampshire_divorce_laws.html
good luck finding your information.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSorry for any miss understanding as to my intentions to start this process but I have tried everything I can possibly think of to work this out. Things change for a month or so and then right back to the same ole same ole. This has been going on now for over two years. I would like to start with the separation and have him leave the house. Most important reason is because for two years he has flipped back and forth on the statement "I don't know what I want anymore" Well we have tried to stay together while he figures it out but doesn't seem to get anywhere. So maybe a separtion will help him decide. I am preparet o continue with the next step if the separtion proves to be best. Like any other person in the world no divorce is not what I would want for my marriage but if that is whats best then so be it. I will learn to live without him. But it has been proven this is not working in the current situation and no answer are coming from it.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (30 November 2011):
 Maybe this can get you started?
http://www.divorcewriter.com/Start_the_Process.asp?src=g_NHold_1b&gclid=CKet1Oq83qwCFQen7QodHElZsA
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2011): I'm not a lawyer, I live in the South, and divorce laws differ from state to state. But in my state, legal separation papers are not necessary; you can just move out. Other states may require that you file for separation. I believe that most states require that you file either right before or after you move out.In other words, I don't think you can file for separation and then continue to live with your husband to prove to him that you mean business. As I said, I'm not a lawyer and have no experience with NH law, so I could be wrong.I do know that pretty much any time you file anything in the court system that there's a fee involved. Your local courthouse might have information available online about costs of filing, length of time you have to be separated before filing for divorce, etc. In my state you have to be separated for a year in most circumstances, but you aren't required to file for divorce then. I know a woman who was separated from her husband for 3.5 years before filing for divorce.Unless a New Hampshire attorney posts an answer here, your best bet is to talk to a lawyer if counseling hasn't worked out your differences. Some lawyers will give prospective clients a free hour of legal advice, or there might be law students nearby who could provide some assistance. If all else fails, you should go through the rigamarole you describe to talk to a lawyer via the free resources available. If you and your husband have children under 18 or own property together, having a lawyer is essential. This is from my own experience in going through a divorce, as well as watching a friend who represented herself. She signed away her rights to the house she and her ex owned--she had put a lot of money into the house, and he didn't pay her anything--but then she struggled financially afterwards. I know that legal fees can be high, but it's really tough to do it all yourself. Lawyers are helpful in two ways: they know the law and can predict consequences of actions you are thinking of taking, and they can give you objective advice because they aren't emotionally involved. Is there a Women's Center nearby, and do they offer legal referrals? The lawyer who handled my divorce gave me a discount off her regular fee because the Women's Center referred me to her. Your mileage may vary but it's a possibility. Best of luck with whatever you decide to do.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (30 November 2011):
 Staying married, or initiating a divorce is not something that you dabble at.....
Sit his ass down, some time when you and he are getting along, and tell him what you do not like about your marriage and how you and he are - or are NOT - getting along. Tell him that you are seriously considering terminating the marriage if things don't change... and will he consider to do his part to make things more to your liking....
IF he goes along with you, then set out markers to determine that things are going more as you prefer. IF he declines (to take part in changes).... or if the markers/measurements don't come to pass... THEN, go see a lawyer and institute divorce proceedings....
Using "legal separation" as a threat is not the best way to approach this matter, in my opinion....
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2011): hi there, while I don't have the answers on your legal questions, let me just say that I don't think this plan is a good one.You see, if you're going to take steps toward legal separation or divorce, it has to be because you are truly ready to follow through with it if your husband still doesn't change. But right now you're basically just doing this to 'scare' him to try and make him change. You're playing 'chicken' with him. This is not a good idea for you because he could very well end up liking the separation and wanting to end it then where does that leave you when your plan has backfired?basically if you don't want to leave him but you want the relationship to improve then you need to find a better way to communicate with him and connect with him to try and restore the relationship. Not by turning adversarial on him and somehow hoping this will make him more cooperative and loving with you. How could it? If you believe you've tried everything and he still doesn't change and your marriage still sucks, then maybe you should seriously consider the separation or divorce as a permanent solution and grow beyond this marriage so you can be a healthy and whole person again without needing your husband to become a different person. Don't count on your separation making him change or you're setting yourself up for a lose-lose situation. "He doesn't seem to understand or want to believe that if things don't start to improve then the relationship is going to end."And if you go through with your plan to file for legal separation simply to scare him but not because you're actually having the guts to leave him, then you will be proving him right so of course he'll continue not to change.You can't change someone. They have to want to change. I understand you're trying to influence his thinking so he'll want to change but past a certain point you have to accept what the other person is not going to budge and then ask yourself where does that leave you and what can you do to move forward in your life with the other person remaining exactly the way they are?
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