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anonymous
writes: I am not really sure what my boy-friend feels for me.We haven't been together very long and I often feel as if I am not good enough for him. I am often very self conscious around him and make silly mistakes. He is pretty critical of other people and has high standards. He is intelligent and runs his own business which I try to help but often make mistakes. I have a degree but just not much confidence.I have been in bad relationships before and I am hoping that this relationship won't turn out the same way. I love him to bits and would do anything for him. He is all I have ever looked for in a man but sometimes he can be quite patronising, intimidating and treats me, in a way, like a child.We don't spend much time together and he likes to spend time with his friends as well as with me but we had an argument the other night based on me not listening properly to him, he said. Eventually he stormed out and left me very upset and distressed. He got pretty drunk with a friend and though I asked him to return, he didn't put me first. It was as if he didn't respect how I felt. I tried very hard not to be demanding as I recognised he wanted time out but I don't think he considered how I felt. I know that if he was upset and stressed, I would have gone to him, reassured him. He hasn't reassured me but he has told me that he does love me.We get on very well when I don't feel as if I'm walking on egg shells and we have a passionate, loving sex life.I don't want anyone else, he is all I think about but what can I do? I think this may happen again whereby my needs come second. Please help.Boo
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2006): Wow! I kind of know how you feel. I have been dateing my boyfriend for over a year anda half and ilove him more than anything. I love how he makes me feel, at times. I know that i make him made also, i do act immature and get very jelouse very easy. I just do what i ave to doto be with him. There is no one in this world that i would rather spent a minute with. He is my everything.
A reader, Kit, writes (1 February 2005): Firstly you are definetly good enough for any man. I know exactly how you are feeling, I have just posted a similar letter although you put into words much better how I feel.I can't tell you what to do cos I dont know myself but I would say try to put your relationship into perspective. Ask yourself are you happy to live like this forever, maybe you are willing to but you would like things to be better.It's the big question as to whether you can find someone who would do better than your partner over the long haul.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2005): Well, clearly the problem you have is how you see yourself really. Because you don't seem to have much self esteem this is what is coming across to your boyfriend. Ask yourself why do you feel that you are not good enough for him? Is it because he genuinely talks down to you and critises you (and others), so therefore would certainly make you feel inferior. When reading your question it comes across as though you are in awe of this man, completely! Genuine true love comes from respect for each other and consideration on both sides. It is difficult to judge entirely from what you have said, simply because sometimes it is best to walk away in an argument to cool down. So when he stormed out it might have been a good thing to let things settle. But, as for you walking on egg shells, I know what that is like and it is an awful feeling! My concern is that this man does sound as though he could be a bit controlling, so be careful. You can't be completely happy living like that, and you will never be completely happy if you don't feel he looks up to you the same way that you do to him. We all deserve to feel loved and respected from our partners. You need to build on your own self confidence. You say you have a degree, which is great, but having a degree or a brilliant job doesn't mean that it makes us better people. You need to look at your positive aspects and realise that you are just as good as the next person. The key in any relationship is communication. You need to talk to your boyfriend and tell him that you feel as though he treats you like a child on times, and that you aren't happy with that. You need to remember that this man is lucky to have a loving and sensitive girlfirend in you, and you need to remember that he is the lucky one too, and not just you feeling sooo grateful that you are with him! If you aren't already, try to put that degree to use and fill your life with doing separate things that make you feel good, this will definitely have a positive affect on how you view yourself and on your relationship. Hope this helps.
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