A
female
age
51-59,
*etiteblonde
writes:Hi I have recently found out that my husband of 13 years is registered on a dating site, and if that isn't bad enough he is looking for transvestites, transexuals and crossdressers. I am so upset I haven't been able to eat or sleep, I don't know how to deal with this. I don't know how I am suppose to compete with this. Any advice please. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (8 March 2011):
 Hello, just because your husband has put up a profile seeking attention from cross-dresssers does not mean he will act on it and make a date. It maybe a form of internet voyeurism if you like. I think you need to talk to him as if he knows you know then it may make him consider you in his decisions to act in a certain way. Personally I would do this conversation at home when no-one else is there, but some people might prefer to go to a marital counselling session and raise the issue on neutral territory. Or if you really are struggling, write him a letter explaining what you know and how you feel. Sometimes that is best as you get your point across clearly. I think from a health point of view, you have to assume your husband has a secret life and identity, even if he does not. By this I mean you need to protect yourself against sexually transmitted diseases if there is a chance your husband is being sexually active with anyone else (male or female). If you break the silence then the inner turmoil you feel right now won't be so bad, even if you anticipate a difficult time following your confrontation. I think whatever he tells you, there will be a need to seek specialist couples counselling to work through the problem. Good luck!
A
female
reader, petiteblonde +, writes (8 March 2011):
petiteblonde is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI know at some point I am going to have to speak to him about this but I have no idea how to start the conversation. I have made very small hints and have asked him all the usual stuff like does he still love me, do I still turn him on, am I all he wants, and all his replys have been positive ones. If it is just a fantasy thing then I could learn to accept it, I mean we all have fantasies right? But most of us don't really do anything about them, but it's the thought of him joining this site, and I have no idea if he has actually met up with anyone. I don't think I could ever accept that, he knows how I feel about that sort of thing, wether it be a woman or man I would never forgive him so he isn't likely to tell me the truth anyway.
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