A
male
age
41-50,
*orab
writes:Hi every1 i am new to this site but have a problem maybe like many of u i am stuck for an answer. Just like i am stuck between 2 men. 1 is my husband who i've known for almost 10 years and benn married to hoim for 7 of those we've got 2 wonderful boys who are 6 and 4 when i married my husband i trully loved hi and looking back i know there were things i should have taken notice of but i was so in love nothing mattered, the truth is he hasn't had a childhood and maybe felt unloved his dad left him when he was young and his mum struggled then fell in love with his stepdad and forgot about paying him attention and showoing him love so there u go he was just kind of cold not really affectionate at all i struggled with the kids cause he was more interested waching the news and all sorts instead of going to the park or feed and bath the children and always maoned or had the hum if it wasn't his way just like a child, to get my attention but still i loved him and i still think i do but 5 years into our marriage i found out he fancied woman at work and he said he wasn't sure if he was with me cause he loved me or cause of the kids(the little one was only 1 year old) i was devastated he changed his mind and decided he loved me but really failed to show it. i've got no family here and nowjere to go so i couldn't leave him then or ask him to leave as i was scared i wouldn't be able to cope with the kids alone so we stayed together but the love i had for him and the devotion wasn't there anymore as i felt betrayed and stupid to believe in happy every after. I am hard working ambicious woman i earn almost double to what he earns i look after my kids and him but felt so unappreciated unnoticed unloved so alone when with some1. So sad wanted to run away but i couldn't, till one day got talking to one of the many guys at work where i had plenty of admirers but never fancied anybody but this guy was so different careing, open nice and i found talking to him so easy as my husband just rolled his eyes everytime i opened my mouth to say something as if to say i am not interested pls shut up i'm watching telly, so now i had some1 to talk to some1 to tlk back then the flirting started and i felt happy again wanted for me the person not me the face and body, i was admired noticed hwe kissed it was magic, when in his arms nothing just nothing mattered the rest of the world didn't exist the time stoped and it was just me and him dreaming of one day to be us. Didn't mention he is 26 i am 31 he's married too but no kids and had same issues at home not appreciated and had no affection but his wife just like my husband didn't want to know.So we saw each other in secret for almost a year we were so happy together every second we got to be in each others arms was bliss. We couldn't live the double life no more so he told her i told my husband. I expected my husband to throw me out and go mental on me but i honestly thought he wanted out too but had no balls to leave me so he's waiting for me to do it insted i wanted to leave him the house as he couldn't afford to go anywhere and this way the kids could stay with his as and when they wanted and i was going to agree on 50/50 sharing them with him so they don't miss any of us and are not punished for something that's not thir fault. Instead though he went to kill himself cried screamed begged it took me 4 months to eventually leave him but still caed couldn't bear seeing him so heart broken i didn't know why i cared so much why couldn't i just let go and move on with who and what made me trully happy. My husband did improve his behaviour towards me and the kids before i left him he helped around the house and took the kids to the park on his own 1st time ever, stopped watching telly wich was like a miracle and was trying really hard but for me something was missing i didn't want him close no more i din't want him kissing me touching me i loved him as a friend and it felt so unfare towards him never mind i had to live with the way he was towards me for years i still felt cruel, eventually moved in with the other guy his wife went but my husband wouldn't live me alone texting e maling begging and begging and telling me i am the love of his life. the kids were seeing me every day but cause i work nights they slept with their dad and i suppose where they saw him sad they started not to want to leave him alone as even they felt sorry for him. My boyfriend has a dog very friendly but big dog and my kids were really scared of her we put gate up so she can only saty in the kitchen when they were with us but they were still scared and felt they have to be far from the animal all together, that did make me feel bad as i thought they are restricted to upstairs as the dog was downstairs and it made me feel like i am punishing them and it got me down also i had to see my husband every day when i had to drop the kids off in the evening wich gave him oportunity to sent me on a guilt trip every time and make me feel sorry for him and that got me down too, so i got confused i didn't know what to do to be good for the kids and every1. so the 1st time my boyfriend was a bit moody towards me and the kids i just left and went back to the husband. Now the husband is happy the kids are happy boyfriend is heartbroken texting everyday to say how much he loves me and never want to be without me and is feeling hurt as he left his wife to be with me but now i went he feels it's not fare i am totaly confused as i don't even know who i love. The husband behaves good and shows his feelings now and is doing his best to keep me if i sta with him life will be slow a bit boring maybe but secure and predictable only i still don't feel anything if he touches me or kisses me or wants to sleep with me i just freeze feel nothing no sexual attraction what so ever, while since i've left the boyftiend i've seen him and although we argued who is wrong and who is right and he would say terrible things sometimes as he is so hutr we always ended up in bed the chemistry is unbeliavable1 it's fire works i can just look at him and hold his hand and feel complete kissing him as so so good i never want to be apart it is so natural so real so kind of to die for, but if i stay with him i'll have to have another kid eventually as he's got none and wants to marry me as soon as he can as he is nearly divorced but i am not. Now i am stuck with dessision to make and i don't know if i can live with no passion but my husband and kids are happy or do i give it all up and start my life again creating a family and even have more kids (not realy keen on children)and try to make my kids happy coming over as my boyfriend says we've made mistakes we had to make it more homy for them get them more toys do interesting things and have fun together and he wants to do all that but now i don't know what to do as if i leave the husband again i'll probably kill him and what fi the passion goes with the boyfriend in future and after 1 more child and 7 years of marriage it bacomes like my current marriage then what/ Although i's not just the passion he loves looking after me and even shoppyng for food is lovely when we are together. Please help me i don't know what to do i am so torn cause of my kids i know for sure if it wasn't for them i would have just went and whatever happens happens but can i do that when i am responsible for two little men's feelings too.
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at work, divorce, fell in love, flirt, heartbroken, kissing, move on, moved in, text, unloved Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Lorab +, writes (4 November 2010):
Lorab is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank u for ur reply! Appreciate it! I have decided to stay with my husband and give it a go will work on it and hope for the best who knows what will happen at least i know i've tried i gave my marriage my best shot and hope the kids and we r happy! Thank u again felt so stuck if any1 else would like to answer i'd love to read what u think
A
female
reader, helpful21  +, writes (3 November 2010):
sometimes in life we have to make difficult decisions, its honorable that your staying with your husband, but you've put your happiness aside for the hapiness of others, your always going to ask yourself what if, if you don't take the jump, if this is the man for you what are you waiting for, your husband has your kids, to even threaten to kill himself is so selfish you cant blackmail someone into staying with you, its going to be a bumpy ride but you are going to end up getting so down, your kids will be fine, they might be angry at first but you know one day they'll understand maybe you should got to relationship counselling or something? you cant live your life like this, your husband could go on to meet somebody whos perfect for him, your holding eachother back, you need to have an honest talk with him, just be careful if hes likely to become violent or something, just look after yourself and your kids, if your going to leave don't move in with the boyfriend create your own life ease your kids into it slowly, and take your time with him theres no rush, just look after you and your kids
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