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anonymous
writes:It was my birthday last weekend. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 3 years. He's a very sweet guy, but not very good when it comes to suprises for me, or buying gifts ahead of time. I was over at his parent's house the day before my birthday and everyone in his family said happy birthday to me which I found really sweet (he told his family it was my birthday). His mom and dad said to me, make sure my boyfriend buys me something special and make sure he brings me to a good dinner. He wouldn't say what he got infront of his parents. I thought he was embarrass. His mom was like, woo... maybe it's a surprise. I was kidding and replied back: maybe the surprise is he didn't get me anything. haha. On my birthday, we went out for brunch and he pay for it. We went home watched a movie on the couch and he went home.Yeah... no present, no anything. Should I be mad about it? Should I mention it? Who would do that? What am I in his mind? A brunch and that's it? Even my normal friends would give me a present for my birthday. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2010): You have a very valid point and i agree with you. My guy professes love for me constantly (we have a long distance relationship) but when my birthday came he waited until the afternoon and then said happy birthday (by phone) and that was it! He was traveling that afternoon but i kept thinking some package would arrive sometime that day but it never did. nada. zilch. nothing. it hurt very much and we almost broke up over it. His birthday was 6 mo. earlier and i had made a big box and shipped it 2nd day; it was filled with 6 or 7 very nicely wrapped packages. I didnt spend a lot of money but a lot of time and planning and love went into that pkg. He was truly thrilled and excited to get it and open everything. And then for him to get me nothing! not even a card or an e-card. now his birthday is in two days and i just cannot bring myself to even send him a card. I just dont understand. I dont doubt that he loves me, but this is just lazy. and he has money; he makes more than 3 times what i do.
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reader, jgp713  +, writes (1 July 2010):
That is crap! If he thinks that it is ok to not get you a gift, then he is a bad boyfriend. Today is my birthday and I had the same thing happen to me. I got a card and that is all. We have been together 7 years and we always have done something special for each other in the past. Tonight, I got a card and a 12 pack of Diet Coke. I work hard to support my family. They never go without anything. One day of the year, I would expect that they would do something special for me. I mean, he may not make a lot of money, but he has plenty of time to plan and/or save his money to do something big. The fact is that he didn't care enough to put thought into it. I mean, I love Diet Coke, but that was insulting more than anything.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2008): Well he paid for brunch on ur bday so that got to count for something........Plus he told his parents it was ur bday so thats good......My bf didnt get me anything last year but I was happy we spent my birthday together and him being there was all i could ask for....
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2008): Oh for crying out loud - maybe the poor guy is just really low on cash and all he could afford to do was take you to brunch and then spend quality time with you in the evening. Which is maybe why he didnt mention it in front of his famiyl not wanting them to knwo he didnt have much money.
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reader, LIERIN +, writes (19 July 2008):
 Hmmm ... thank God my BF's bday its the exact same day, so he can't say he forgot ... lol
If its really bothering you, tell him ... I wold probably wait for maybe another week or so .. and than start joking about "the present I never got" ...
maybe he just didnt find the right thing for you? ....
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2008): heya
my boyfriend is really bad about planning and suprises.
i think that you shoudnt get mad about it-but in a jokey way say 'sooo babe wers my birthday present-i cant wait to have it'
if he says he hasnt got u anything-just tell him u wud like him to make it up to u. then tell him u just want him to be thoughtfull, and have a second birthday. :)
love and god bless
friend x
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female
reader, Midge  +, writes (19 July 2008):
 My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for 10 years. In the 10 years we have been together he has remembered my birthday twice, only that was only because my mum called him the night before and reminded him. He completely forgot my 30th and didnt even acknowledge my birthday.
The only reason I forgive him is because he has a very time consuming, heavy going job. He runs two businesses and is a roadie so is rarely home.
I love him and accept him with his faults. He is NOT MR Romanic by any means, quite the opposite. I think if he did do something romantic I would think he has done something wrong.
In your case, if it bothers you that much, perhaps you should find out why he didnt get you anything. Perhaps he has ordered something and it hasnt arrived yet. I know I have done that before and I have just told my boyfriend that I got him something but its not here yet and he has been fine with that. Whatever you do, dont keep it bottled up. Perhaps he just doestnt have the money to buy you something, ot doesnt know what to get you? All possibilities!
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reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (18 July 2008):
 Well, I would have been sympathetic to his cause except for the fact that he told his family it was your birthday. So it seems that he should have been aware that it is a special day to for you and deserves a bit of thought and a gift that shows he knows what you like.
What has he done on the last two birthdays and holiday gift-giving occasions? Did he miss them entirely, or did he give you something really great at Christmas?
The thing about some men is that they actually do need a bit of guidance on this; they don't realize how important it can be to their women. And you've already mentioned that he's not very good at buying gifts ahead of time.
So you were kind of doubly prepared for this, in a way? You knew that he wouldn't really remember your birthday, and that he would have forgot that you'd like a gift.
In his defense, and I acknowledge that he should know you better by now, but again, in his defense, he may just be really bad at remembering important anniversaries. How is he otherwise? Does he take care of you in other ways? Does he spend money on other things for you?
Anyway, I agree, he could have done a better job at remembering and celebrating your birthday. I think you need to let him know that while you love him and appreciate all he does for you that you had hoped he would have done a bit more than take you out for brunch on your birthday. A thoughtful gift would have gone a long way, right, even though it didn't cost a fortune?
I wouldn't assume the worst about him just yet; after all, he did tell his family, and they wished you a happy birthday. His mom and dad's comment about making sure that he buys you something special and takes you out to a nice meal, that tells me that he may already be known as a bit of a spendthrift and also forgetful, even within his own family. So balance your expectations of what you would have liked for a birthday against his expressions of love toward you in other ways.
And now it's time to start preparing him for your birthday next year. What do you do for his birthday? Maybe you could suggest that it would be very nice for him to make more of a deal about it than he did. And then give him 6 month, 3 month, 2 month, 1 month, 3 weeks, 2 weeks, reminders of just how vital this is to you that he remember your birthday in style.
If you are well-liked by his parents, and his family knew of your birthday, and they gave you some good wishes, then maybe he really does care for you? It may just be time for you to give him some serious guidance on how to make you happy in celebrating your birthday.
Oh, before I forget, HB!
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reader, SugarCookie +, writes (18 July 2008):
I know how you feel my birthday is in a week. My bf has been there for my 15 up to now my 19. My 15th is the only year I got a present and I dont get one this year either. It hurts my feelings because I always save up and make his birthdays great and I get nothing. His last birthday I spent about $200 and I dont get anthing. I'm sure if you ask why he didn't he'll have some excuse but it wont fix anything!
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reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (18 July 2008):
Well if you are upset about it then tell him. Don't let him get away with it or he won't realise he's done nothing wrong.
I mean you can't expect diamonds and pearls but he could at least have got you something. It's the fact he put no thought into it.
I would tell him you are not impressed with your present and think it's quite hurtful that he didn't even get you something free. He could have got a photo of you together or a poem or a song or even a bar of your favourite chocolate if he had no money.
Make it clear it's not about money it's about effort.
Good Luck!! xx
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