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male
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anonymous
writes: This girl I like, I have liked her for years. But she is 2 years younger than me. (I'm 15) I was gonna ask her out but then my mate who lives near me did, so I let it happen and he went out with her 3 times. (broke up 3 - asked her out again 3 times) Then my other mate went out with her twice. Now she is going out with this other person from her school. And I tried not to think about her and I was getting fine until I saw him touch her and it made me so mad. I guess I admit I'm in love and cannot help it no matter how hard I try. What I don't understand is she was meant to fancy me really badly (all her mates said so) but I never acted upon this. I did txt her how I felt months ago but to no avail. I ain't confident with girls so I cannot ask someone else out to get over her.Please help Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (27 July 2005):
 Question: What are your mates doing, that you're not doing?
This isn't a brain teaser!
What they're doing, is asking the girl out. Sheesh, that was easy.
Your letter suggests that you've been standing around, watching other guys dating the girl you want and getting upset when they do. You say that you texted her, hinting that you had feelings for her, but that's not really the same thing as saying, "Hi, remember me? I'm Dustin. Would you like to go to the monster truck rally with me on Friday?"
You need to be direct if you want to go out with this girl. That's what your mates are doing, and that's how they're having the successes that you're not. She can't read your mind and know that you want to go out; so you're going to have to ask her.
Maybe this girl never got your text. Maybe she didn't know how to respond "months ago" when she got it. What's important is that you want to go out with her now.
Here's a newsflash for you to think about while you're mustering the courage to ask her out: nobody is confident in asking out members of the other sex. Everybody worries about rejection, everyone has a dry throat and heart palpitations. But, you know what? They ask anyway, because they feel it's important.
So, take a little risk, if getting to know her is important to you. By the sound of this girl, she's pretty much into going out with anyone and everyone (hell, she didn't even turn down your mate who broke up with her three times!).
Think of a specific thing that you'd like to do - cycle around the lake, go to a skating demonstration, take in a movie, have a coffee - then go up to her, smile like she's already accepted and ASK. Girls love confidence, and they love a guy who smiles.
Think of it this way: Based on her past dating habits, there appears a better than average chance (like 99%) that she'll say Yes. And if she says No (1%), then you're no worse off than you are now, right?
Go on. Deep, calming breaths. Fortune favours the brave.
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