A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hey everyone. I first want to say I appreciate everyone taking their time to read this and give their advice. This is truly a great site.I'm not trying to have a pity party here but this is something I want to get off my chest and maybe even someone can relate to this. Any comments or advice is truly appreciated.I'm 18 years old.I don't come from a good family. Almost everyone on my moms side of the family are either drug addicts and or alcoholics, including my mother unfortunately. It's impossible to have any type of relationship with them and none of them want anything to do with me anyways.People on my dads side have never really wanted anything to do with me either. They never want to talk to me and they're uncomfortable for me to be around.None of my grandparents are still living. I'm an only child and my parents are divorced. My cousins are all a lot older than me and have their own lives, so I never see them. I'm just not close to anyone in my whole family, and it hurts. I feel like I'm literally all alone.I see people who have big families and are so happy and so close with their family and I just wish I could have that. I'm not even close with my parents :/I'm not a bad kid. I have never done any drugs, I don't drink or smoke, I finished high school and I've been working full time at a job for about a year now, I'm very well mannered, so it can't be because they're ashamed of me. Is there any advice anyone would like to give me in regards to this? I'm really not trying to talk bad about my family, I just wish they cared more and were there for me, I hate feeling like I have nobody.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (20 November 2013):
 I'm not close to my blood relatives. My husband is not even in touch with his... we still have "family".
Family to me is the people you choose to be around... you can create a family with a group of friends...
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2013): I can relate to your situation - I felt like the outsider in my own family and went through agonies trying not to be and to feel loved by them. What helped me was at least being able to see the situation for what it was - when I was your age I really didn't have your clarity, and just blamed myself totally for what I later saw was a complete lack of love in my family and a mess of dysfunction. I'd urge you not to doubt your own worth - easily said, but key to a good future. I'm over 20 years older than you now, and the pain of not being loved by family still hasn't gone, but it does get easier. In terms of what I've achieved, yes higher education was totally key to that and the others are right to encourage you to pursue this. Also finding a loving partner really helps. It's one thing starting your own family and giving out love - that's really a great thing - but you still may feel that you need older people around you to love you - maybe you can gain this through a partner's family and it may be something to take into consideration when you choose a long term partner. Be careful in your choice, and go for someone that will protect and love you and make you feel fantastic without EVER undermining your self worth.I hope this helps a little - really I just wanted to convey that what you describe does happen to others as well, so you are not alone.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2013): Have you ever considered serving in the Peace Corps or joining the military? I don't mean to go to battle, but to serve stateside peacefully. I don't advocate sending anymore of our able-bodied youth to countries abroad to die.Enough with that. Don't let recruiters sell you any crap.You can choose. The medical corps, military police, and administrative fields. You earn money for higher education through the GI Education Bill. You can join the National Guard.It's a wonderful experience for a young woman, or a guy. You are taught skills, you travel the world, and you meet wonderful people who become like a family.You would be taken out of your present environment, and you will get to serve your country. You will develop pride and discipline.You will feel like there's nothing you're not capable of doing. Oh, there will be miserable times. They yell and scream orders. That's how they shape you up. Then you learn what you're assigned to do. You make tons of friends. You have fun, you meet people from other countries, and you go on an interesting journey through life.Volunteer work also gives you a sense of helping the disadvantaged, offering something to make life better for others; and you meet wonderful people who embrace you, and don't spend a lot of time judging you. The rewards are phenomenal.I urge you to seek a higher education, in any case. It will offer you opportunities; and you get to give back to society in very productive ways. You'll meet so many good people along the way.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (19 November 2013):
 Families are not just those whom you share genes and blood. The beauty of your situation is that YOU get to create your own.
I have a large family, I haven't seem most of them (except my Dad) in over 10 years. We do communicate a bit but it's not like having them in an hour or 3 away.
I also have some really good friends, whom my kids and us (my husband and I) consider family. They have a set of grandparents who aren't related to either of us, but who has known them since they were babies and who loves them like they were their grand-kids.
I'm willing to be that you are a great person. And I'm also guessing that your fathers side don't have a problem with YOU at all. THEY unfortunately file you in with your mom and her lot (which is unfair).
You could reach out to your cousins, even if they are busy, but my suggestion is for you to find people who makes you feel cared for and that YOU care for in return, friends, acquaintances. Be good to others.
You are not alone, no one really is. But you can feel isolated and the only one who can do anything about that, is YOU.
I rather have 3 good people in my life then 30 crappy ones. Because it's NOT about the quantity, but the quality of people in your life.
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A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (19 November 2013):
 Honey, you are a good kid, considering the environment you were brought up, you did not get hooked on drugs and alcohol. Even though you may not have family to be there to support you, you still have done well on your own. Does not mean even if you come from a good large family that you don't feel alone.
Friends and relationships will develop over time. The key to making a success, is to study hard and graduate. Once you start working and engaging with people , you will not be short of friends.
You may feel alone now but prioritise your studies and aim for your goals in life. Think of things you want do : maybe travel, become doctor, what ever you want to achieve in life its only you that can get you there. So focus and go after what you want, it does not take people to get you there and you can do it.
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