A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I'm not attracted to my partner of 5 years.I love him but the idea of having sex with him repulses me. He has let himself go and is defiant about it. I suggested he get his hair cut and have his teeth fixed but he won't because he won't let anyone "rule" him. I don't think he knows how much his appearance (dirty and unkempt) turns me off. Also, I don't see him at his house because it is filthy so he always comes to mine, which means I wait on him, all the time, every weekend. Obviously we can't live together. Last night he hated what I cooked (my son said it was great) then proceeded to get drunk. He gets drunk a lot and I hate being around him when he does. I have a very demanding job now and need my rest on the weekends. I know I should end this relationship, but as I say, I do love him and wish it could be better.
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male
reader, havtime4u  +, writes (19 July 2009):
I agree with the ladies above.
This guy has no idea what he has and does not apreciate it, so quit wasting your time and get on with life.
I grew up with drunks and it is very hard for them to change especially if they don't want to.
I have a guy living with me (I am a man) and he is a filthy roomy. I have to tell him when to clean his part of the house and when to clean his share of the common areas.
I am a paraplegic and if it were not for needing the money he pays to pay the light and water bill I would run his butt off.
He is very clean about his personal appearance and clothes but the rest of his life is a shambles (a dirty shambles)
Please think of you and your boy.
There really are plenty of men out there that will love you and work with you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2009): I think you continue this relationship out of duty and pity. The thing is you are allowing him to do this to you and I cannot see any reason for you to be with him he brings no positives to your life. Once you end it you will realise he was actually controlling you - everything you appear to do is pretty much around him, focusing on him. You sometimes justify his actions or just let them go - eating away at your sense of worth and happiness. Even your concern and worry over the state of the relationship is another focus on him. The biggest give away for me to get out of the relationship are his words when he said he won't let anyone 'rule' him. When you, as a kind woman, are assumed to be 'ruling' a man when you suggest he makes an effort or does something differently, is abusive. He thinks he is entitled to treat you like dirt and not make an effort himself. My question to you is if you were not in this relationship... What would you miss? As you are not living together it should be easier to end it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionCeliaaletta, thank you for your response. Very wise words. Is he a good role model for my son. Resounding NO! It is hard to send a drunk person home (he had to drive a short way) but I did so because my teenage son, my first priority, is around this weekend. He did get home without incident, so that's good but I've had to put up with this business for so long and I don't think I can any more. I will miss my partner's sense of humour and intelligent conversation. Oftentimes he was sweet and helpful, too. Did what he could with maintenance around the house and my computer. It is going to be difficult for a while.
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