A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm jealous of this situation - am I being unreasonable? How do I deal with it?I'm at college and I like a guy in my class who's a good friend. We're in a drama group and there is another girl who is pretty who he flirts with - touching her tits, holding her waist, putting his hand on her ass all the time. She has a boyfriend back home which he knows about. She's a flirt with lots of guys but claims she's "nice girl". When I asked my friend about her, he claimed because her boyfriend lived in the next city from us it didn't matter that she cheated and that it wasn't serious between him and her. When I made a move on him, he told me he was gay so he turned me down, even though previously he said he wanted to sleep with me. When I asked him about her he said that if she tried anything with him, she wouldn't get anywhere because he is gay. I've seen his ex-boyfriends so I know he has sex with gay guys.I think he might be bisexual. We've been to clubs where he's dancing with her and getting up close and personal - like a straight guy would.Is it normal for gay guys to be so sexual to hot straight women? Do you think I'm being fed a lie? He's a friend so why doesn't he just come out with it and tell me he's not attracted to me or likes me as a friend only.Am I being paranoid? She knows he's gay, maybe she's flirting with him and it doesn't count as it's gay? or I'm making more of it than I need to because he turned me down? When me and him have danced in a club he doesn't touch me, and he has other female friends he doesn't touch, but when he's dancing with her he has his hands all over her the whole time and they walk to the bar hand in hand giggling.I don't think this is appropriate as she has a boyfriend she claims she loves and also pretends she is a nice girl. If I had a boyfriend I wouldn't be letting another guy (gay or not) touch me up.Am I over-reacting? She also arranges dates with him where I'm not invited, despite me introducing them and sometimes she ignores me when the 3 of us are talking. I've bitched about her calling her a trashy airhead to him which he is not happy about and has told me off saying he doesn't want to hear it. She has also said bitchy things about me which he has repeated back to me. This stemed from my jealousy I think as I was jealous he was flirting with her and not me. What would be a normal response. Guy and girl responses wanted!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2009): Hi thanks.
Firstly, she knows my friend is gay as he was outed in front of the whole group by another man in the group. Also I think the long distance boyfriend exists, because she told me before she had even met my friend (I introduced him to the drama group).
I think the girl doesn't care that she flirts with my friend as either she has no morals, enjoys the huge amount of attention he gives her (which girl wouldn't? my friend is hot and laughs all the time and does a charming sensitive act round women and then claims as he's gay he has more female friends than male friends).
When I told my friend that she has a boyfriend and she cheats with other guys, he said he doesn't care about that and doesn't blame her anyway since she doesn't see her boyfriend much. (That might be a gay issue where they don't have a problem with cheating on partners?)
He knows I had feelings for him, but he turned me down. As he's a friend, he doesn't owe me anything right? He's a free agent as I am? He doesn't have to explain or get my permission to flirt with women.
Because he was flirting with her in front of me repeatedly I said bitchy things about her, mainly because I thought it was inappropriate for her with a long term boyfriend for her to allow another guy to grope her basically, because you can guarantee she would go ballistic if her boyfriend was touching up another girl regardless of whether the other girl was a lesbian or not.
Also this flirty girl had the cheek to do some withering nice girl act and started bitching about me behind my back.
For some unknown reason, I got jealous and it's made me re-think my ideas about me being calm, relaxed and chilled.
I find this girl is also trying to get my best friend to drop me and install herself as his new best friend.
My friend is sadly easily manipulated by women, well, by anyone feeding him endless compliments.
He has a lot of female friends and I'm noticing there is some competition between us. I don't like to have competition with friends as my idea of friendship is to relax, have a laugh, gentle kindness, etc.
I don't know if it's worth sustaining a friendship with this guy if I feel jealous every time he flirts with hot women or is this something I just have to get over?
With regard to this hot woman, clearly she has no problem with sleeping with him (I don't think they have yet, but they could) I know I think he could.
I just don't know what to do?
A
female
reader, justme..x  +, writes (7 April 2009):
 hi :)well, sorry to be blunt, but of course it's normal to be jealous!! Anyone would be in that situation. this girl is being really dishonest, but I don't think you should worry about that. If her cheating comes back to her later, it's not your fault, and it's not really your problem at the moment.You say you asked your friend about him and her, and he said "she wouldn't get anywhere because i'm gay". Has it occurred to you that he might not have told her this (or is that way WAY off the mark)? If she is attractive, he might not have bothered to use this excuse, and he might like the attention. However, your theory about him being bisexual seems very likely (though I think it IS normal for gay guys to flirt with "hot straight girls" ... If he's a true friend, you should be able to talk to him about if he's gay or bi, or is that not possible ..?).Of course you being jealous is understandable, but try not to let it show too much. If this girl is arranging dates without you, then showing you're jealous will be probably exactly what she wants. I think it is worth asking your friend if he's told her that he's gay. If he says yes, then you have both now agreed to a reason that there should be nothing between them. And that reason is now out in the open for you to remind him of whenever! If he says no, well, obviously that is (if you don't mind my saying so) pretty dispicable, and he should tell her straight away. If he refuses to tell her, then, quite frankly I think you should. You have put up with enough shit with those two, and I think you have every right to tell her. After all, it's not like you're telling her a rumour as he said so himself, so he technically SHOULDN'T mind.As for her saying bitchy things, well, if she is doing that after all the other things that she's done and he is still prepared to flirt with her, then frankly he's not worth it. With that degree of dishonesty and bitchiness, any guy should know to avoid her, and if he doesn't, then well, I wouldn't bother with him.Also, does he know that his flirting bothers you (and I'm sorry but it obviously really does)?? If he's a real good friend and he knows then he should stop.Is it possible that you can find out more about this "boyfriend" of hers who lives in the next city?? There must be a reason she is prepared to cheat, unless she is simply a genuinely nasty person, and most nasty people have motives! Perhaps their relationship was cooling off anyway? Perhaps (this will sound horrible, and I know it's not fair for me to judge, I am simply suggesting it because you didn't say) does he even exist? I think this would help you know why she seems so keen to cheat with your friend the minute she can. Finding out this is might also make your friend go off her, but it's up to you of course. It depends whether you still have feelings for your friend. If you do, then I would recommend all the things I've mentioned. If you don't, well, you have done nothing wrong, so I'd carry on as you are, or just take a few bits of the above advice.To be honest, I have no idea if this is helpful or completely off the mark lol!I hope it helped. If not, then im sorry, i tried!! :PGood luck, please let me know how it turns out xxx
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