| A ,
anonymous
writes: I met my husband 2 years ago and than he was really affectionate and loving, however we got married last year and to cut a long story short, the wedding did not go very well, his mother (he has a chinese mother)was not very impressed by the wedding and made sure that I knew that, this obvously broke my heart as I had no idea what it was that she wanted me to do extra to make this wonderful event better, I loved my wedding and so did my husband.At first my husband was very upset about the whole thing and tried to make things better inbeetween me and his mother and was very supportive towards me, I afert a while started to feel very left out and not good enough for him, so i went to stay with my parents for 2 weeks, this did not help at all as he promised me that everything was going to be ok when I came back, but that was an empty promise.He than started to be very distant and behaved like he did not care anymore about my feeling and left me out alot, so I got very suspiouse and started to look for reasons of the behaviour, ie:looking on his phone and at his emails, after a while I found a email conversation that he had had with an ex fling of his, this conversation happend while we were dating but he had the fling before we met, but I had never hear about this girl and the conversation that they had was a very close and quit sexual conversation.I than confronted him about this and he said that it was just a joke that went too fare, his words was "it was just toung and chic" and he said that he has never cheated on me, I was very upset about the whole thing.I decided that I did still want to be with him, but after alot of arrguments and nasrty words and threats of divorce many times over, we are still together, but he is not being very supportif and eventhough I know that he did not cheat on me, I am still hurt and the past probleme with his familly does not help as that has still not be resoulved.he just says to me that I need to move on and stop thinking about it, but he is still very distante and I don't feel like a I know him anymore , he say that he hats it that I don't trust him, but I keep on explaining to him that the reason that I find it hard to trust him is because he has not done or is not doing anything to make me feel better about the whole situation.He has now told me that he does not want me to see his familly and if I don't change the realationship is over nd that he is just being very mean, please help me to understand why he is behaving this way and why I have to fix everything when I have'n't done anything wrong, I don't know how much longer I can put myself trough this everyday paine, I cry everyday and he just sits there and let me gom trough this paine without any support, what shall I do?Yster
View related questions:
cheated on me, divorce, move on, wedding Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A reader, Dominique McDonald, writes (13 February 2005): Hello..I would say to you- firstly, as hard as it may be, don't let your mother in law affect you. She may not have liked your wedding but you did- that's her problem, not yours. If someone doesn't like something involving you that's their issue not yours. There is a saying 'What other people think about me is none of my business' and it is so true!Your mother in law is entitled to her opinion, I can understand that it is very hurtful to you but you cannot change her, you can only change you. And by telling yourself that you are not going to be affected by her is giving you much more power than saying 'she is affecting me'.Your husband cannot choose between the two of you- that is not fair. No matter how out of order she is being, she is his mother. And he loves you, he wouldn't have married you otherwise! So this must be very hard for him too, even if he doesn't show it. You need to make a decision whether or not you want to work at your relationship- if the answer is yes then continue with the most positive attitude you can manage and I promise things will get better. As for your mother in law- forget about her, she is not worth the effort.Good luck!
|
