A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:My husband is not affectionate with me, or want any sex with me. He is totally cold with me. But does not want to divorce. He says he loves me,and he has no idea what happened to him. This is the 7 th year like that. Started suddenly, and never changing. Almost like someone put a spell on him, or expired like an old music box. I dont know what to do, leave him after 28 years?Please don't recommend talking to him, because he gets very frustrated when I try talking to him about this . I don't know, maybe he will just walk out one day ,and I will regret I didn't do it earlier. But it is very hard to leave, I have no idea what is his problem. He was checked medically,and he is fine.Please tell me, what do you think about this situation. Thanks for reading
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female
reader, StillJustMe +, writes (1 July 2012):
I've been married 27 years to an unaffectionate person, we have not had sex in over 17 years. I stayed in the beginning because I loved him and thought it would get better. That's been the biggest mistake in my life. He is a good man, works hard but I live with a good friend vs. a husband. When we wanted children it didn't happen, after much pleading on my end he saw a Doctor and had a low sperm count, and high protein which was all fixable. He wouldnt do anything the Doctor said. I was determined to have children, he also wanted children. We ended up adopting which has been the best experience of my life. We adopted 2 beautiful girls from the foster care system. They were not infants. He continued to not be affectionate, and the sex stopped completely. To make a long story short. I'll be 50 this year, my girls have their lives now and my marriage is no marriage. He was diagnosed with diabetes years ago, he's addicated to food, has been hospitalized twice for pancreatitis (high cholesterol) and almost died the last time. He works hard but only has interest in work around the house,inside and out. He has no other interest. He is now on insulin because he wouldnt do what he needed to to maintain his health. When his sugar is elevated he is mean to me, I can always tell. I've wasted my life on someone who has never been affectionate (no hugs, touches, kisses...) telling me he loves me and being a good provider doesn't get it. He can't see that his problems were all due to his health, which he had control over. I can't tell you how much it hurts that he chose food over me. I wish I had caught him cheating at least I would know he was happy.My advice to you is get out now and try and salvage your life. Its very difficult for me now, I'm angry and don't want to spend my last years alone with him. I want to be loved, give love, and most of all feel loved. I want a compainion I can take a walk holding hands with.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (21 June 2012):
 has he had a medical work up for hormone levels. Could he have LOW-T (very common in men his age)
does he have hobbies and friends that he sees?
or is he doing the lump on the log thing?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (21 June 2012):
 Could be he his the "male" menopause, with lowered testosterone.
28 year years together is quite a feat. Specially if they have mainly been good years. So I guess it comes down to this, are you happy with status quo? Living like room mates? The fact that you two can't even talk about it a big problem, because honestly HOW are you going to fix this? You can't do it alone.
Couples counseling might help too, but if he doesn't even want to talk I doubt he would participate in that either.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (21 June 2012):
 In order to start or continue a relationship/marriage two people must have several compatibilities.... and s*xual/sensual is one of them. What you've described is that you and hubby have gone afield as regards this compatibility....
You and he MUST sit down and discuss this, BECAUSE you cannot continue as things have been..... IF he sez things must remain as they are, then YOU have to take the initiative and tell him that you and he must figure out the smartest and least-upsetting way to part....
It "sounds" difficult to do this.... but it's not (difficult).... Once the conversaion starts BOTH OF YOU will be happy that it's underway.... AND both of you will be pleased (as pleased as you can be, under the circumstances)... with the result...
Good luck...
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