A
female
age
41-50,
*hereami
writes:it's my anniversary and my husband never thought of having sex with me. i wonder if he's cheating on me. we have sex maybe once a week or often longer. he's a truck driveer, we argued most of the day while he was warking. he came home a hour or so later than normal. went to dinner had a few drinks watched our wedding video, then he says let me get a few hours of sleep. i was so upset he know i like to make love on holiday birthdays a for sure our secound anniversary. when i complained he said come on lets do it but i felt like i was forcing him and refused. is it me are is my new husband already tired of me or cheating on me.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2009): He's a truck driver. He probably was tired and was hoping to get enough sleep to avoid an accident the next day. I'd say, cut him a little slack. Also, go out of your way to be romantic with him, show him you love him, next time he comes home (dinner, etc). Kill him with kindness. Usually, giving love brings love back to you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2009): An argument is a really ineffective method of foreplay.
Apart from that, making love should be a spontaneous activity, not a planned one unless you're sneaking off for a dirty weekend away. If he's expected to perform to order it could put pressure on him making it difficult for him to perform.
I doubt very much that he's cheating on you. He was most likely simply tired and wanted sleep. Be careful not to voice these fears of yours unless you've got some really serious evidence that he's cheating. You could drive him to do what you're most afraid of, because if he's going to be accused of it he might think he'd just as well get the pleasure if you're going to give him the grief.
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A
male
reader, Mikes  +, writes (2 September 2009):
 I honestly think that you have nothing to worry about.
Of course it would be great to have sex on your aniversary to celebrate such a special day. But it simply could have been a case of being over tierd, not feeling 100%, and if you had argued, he might have felt a bit rejected and not in the mood. With all these aniversaries to come in the future, its natural that you might not be able to have sex on every single one. Maybe if you didnt argue you might have had it in the morning, or following night.
Dont look to deep into it, its not worth getting paranoid and compromising your relationship over one special night you wanted sex, and he didnt.
Hopoe it all works out.
Mike
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A
female
reader, bitterblue  +, writes (2 September 2009):
 I won't comment on your relationship in general because you only tell us here about a day, is it a typical day in your marriage? What I can say is that I thought by reading this that you can be very capricious sometimes. Try to be a step forward. Think well what you can do so that everyone is happy, don't make it seem it's all about you. So you like to celebrate anniversaries in a special way, if he isn't the romantic, thoughtful type then be sure to make plans a day or two before the event. Try to leave the petty arguments behind. Of course he wasn't very enthusiastic if you argued "most of the day while he was working". Was there no way to avoid these arguments? And lastly, why not believe him when he was tired after an exhausting workday? You could have said "Tell me honey, can I wake you up after an hour or so of rest so you can have a lovely dinner and properly celebrate our anniversary?" or something among those lines. Instead you suggested that you wanted sex and then you "felt" you forced him and refused. Sounds to me like a form of punishment? That is not the best way of solving problems, by amplifying them and sowing some more. You both need to relax, break off from the bad pattern of snappy behaviour and bad tempers, or you will end up avoiding each other instead of coming home to enjoy each other's company. I have the feeling these arguments are in the pipeline there, and they should never be used as foreplay as they are mood killers, especially for men. This is all I can say based on the story of one day in your marriage. See how things can improve when you decide to be kinder to each other. Talk this over. Maybe others will give you more useful ideas. Best wishes.
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