A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My b/f and I broke up about 2 months ago, we had no contact for almost 7 weeks. Our breakup wasn't overly negative. The past week, I've debating whether or not to send him a Christmas greeting. Anyway, I finally decided to do it. So on Christmas eve, I've sent him a very simple email to wish him "Merry Christmas". No respond from him. I was thinking that maybe he hasn't checked his email. So on Christmas Day, I sent him a "2 words" text message to wish him Merry Christmas. Still no respond fom him. I'm not mad b/c he didn't respond, I'm just disappointed of him. Before I made the decision to send him the greeting, I've told myself to prepare for the worst and not to expect any return from him. I thought that sending him the greeting is a classy thing to do, it's a happly holiday season. When someone took the time out of their day to wish you well. It would be good courtesy to return those good wishes, even your enemy. Maybe it's just me. I don't understand how guys think after a breakup. Can we not be friends anymore ? Afterall, he's the one that did the breakup. My greeting to him was just something simple, nothing about getting back together. I think he's a pathetic loser. Maybe I shouldn't have sent the greeting to him. What's your thought on this???
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female
reader, jojo40  +, writes (23 March 2009):
I just read this thread because i am disappointed i haven't heard from my ex in over three weeks...i wanted to mention that, prior to this "radio silence", i had been contacting him (always with an appropriate, polite or necessary reason...) and he DID always respond but it actually made me feel WORSE because it was always very clearly POLITE and in a way that hurt more than no contact at all...maybe it was how i read it but at the time it felt like he was pitying me and now, that i have been able NOT to contact him and i still hear NOTHING from him, i realize it was only me that wanted to stay in touch for whatever reason...i only post this to let those out there that are wishing they WOULD get a response from their ex, sometimes it actually can feel WORSE to get a response vs nothing at all. now i feel i wish i hadn't ever reached out...although he always responded - it didn't feel the same as if HE had reached out on his own to contact me, ya know? just sayin
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2008): I'm the woman who posted most recently (this morning, my second response).
I know it is very hard for you, particularly since you were the one who got dumped. Its always harder to be in that position.
A short answer to your question re whether he is finding it difficult cutting you out of your life, I think, sorry to say, the answer is "no." Just think about it: it was his decision to end it to begin with, and he has not responded to either your email or text. That should tell you something.
IF a few months down the road, he decides he has made a mistake and wants to make a future with you, then you can reconsider. I have to add here, DON'T COUNT ON IT, THOUGH!!
Hard as it is, strengthen your resolve NOT to contact him in any way, shape or form (it may only antagonize him if he thinks you don't respect his decision) and try to find some fun activities with your friends, or even on your own: read a book you've been wanting to get to; go see a funny movie; have lunch with someone whose company you always enjoy; take a day trip (or a weekend) to some place you've always wanted to visit; maybe find some volunteer work to do.
Its natural that you will be sad, and maybe even angry later on. Don't deny those feelings, HOWEVER, don't let yourself dwell on them any more than you have to. Perhaps you can try setting aside a half-hour each day, or an hour, during which you'll vent, cry, brood, and THEN when the time is up, honor the contract you made with yourself in doing this, and resolutely turn your attention to something else! If you're tempted to begin thinking over it again, be firm in telling yourself, "No, that's for this time tomorrow."
Incidentally, this is why I'm recommending you distract yourself with pleasant activities and thoughts. It will gradually make it easier to let go. After all, its only been a couple months, so bound to be raw for you at this point.
Good luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone, your answers and supports really helped me a lot. I've done a lot of thinking last night. Him not replying to my email/text message, is a clear sign that he doesn't want any contact, and I should respect that and I should stop tormenting myself.
We were together for 8+ years...I am having an extremely tough time just cutting someone I've loved so dearly completely out of my life. He loves me very much, and I know that he still love me even we're now aparted, but for some reasons (it's a long history)we just cannot be together anymore, he decided that it would be better for us to go on our separate ways. I've accepted that we are no longer together, and have tried very hard to move on but it's been extremely hard for me to cut the complete ties. I'm not just losing someone that I love, I'm also losing a best friend. I'm wondering does he feels the same way as I do having a hard time cutting me off from his life ?? I've been very good for not contacting him for the past 7 weeks. I will continue to try my best to stick with the 'no contact' and treat myself with some respect and pick my pride up from the floor.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2008): Take a look at what I sent you yesterday, about it not being a good idea to try to remain friends after a breakup.
I think that explains it - as for his looking at your myspace, he's probably just being nosy.
Try to put it behind you and concentrate on the activities you enjoy and find meaningful: family, friends, work, what interests you..........you both decided there is no future for you together, so now its up to you to make your own life, the way you want it to be, perhaps eventually with a new guy.......
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2008): He broke up with you. This indicates that something about your relationship was not working for him. Its good that it wasn't too negative - he probably didn't wish to be unkind - but evidently he wasn't too happy with the way things were going, or he would not have ended it.
The thing is, when a breakup occurs, its time for BOTH of you to move on with your separate lives (regardless of whether one or the other of you has "met someone else.") Therefore, you don't normally expect to have any further contact (unless perhaps you have a child and need to see one other when the child spends time with one of you; or for certain school events, and so on).
You give me the impression that you may wish the breakup hadn't happened. If that's so, and he is aware of it, its unlikely, for that very reason, he wouldn't respond to what you intended as a simple Christmas greeting: so as not to give you false hope. In his mind, he may feel that's what he'd be doing. I can only think that his interpretation (justified or not) was reinforced when you didn't hear from him, and went ahead and sent a text.
All this is not to say he wants necessarily to be rude or hurtful; just that he wants to move on with his life and hopes you can do the same. This is also why being friends after a breakup is not a good idea - one person secretly hopes the breakup had never happened, and neither of you feels able to get on with your life.
Hope this helps. This is how I "read" what may have happened.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone for your replies !! I don't feel as bad now. But what I don't understand is how can he be so cruel and inconsiderate, wouldn't even return a simple "good wish", that's not too much to ask for, is it ? How can he forget our 8 years long relationship just like that ? Our breakup was not unpleasant, we just don't see a future being together. Although we haven't been contacted each other for about 7 weeks, but I know that's been into "myspace" to view my profile and updates. How I know is because he's the only one on "myspace list". If he's care enough to view my updates, does it means he still cares about me or is he just being nosy ? I don't understand ? Like that gentleman "DoubleM" said, maybe he's playing games.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2008): I received a text from my ex wishing me the same. I chose to not reply - not because I am nasty or have no manners, but I loved this person a great deal and there is a long history between us. Every time I hear from them or get a text etc it just resurfaces old feelings for me that can be painful and I choose to ignore texts completely now. Because I know as soon as I do start replying, it will lead to having much more contact - ie they would reply, then I would reply again and so on...and before I know it we will be back in each other's life: something I really do not want. I love this person, yet I know and accept that we can not be together. And I just prefer to not have them in my life at all (even as a friend) for it is far less painful for me.Anyway that is my explanation on why I did not reply to this text. Perhaps that may help you or not. Good luck.
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male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (26 December 2008):
 He may consider your messages kind of a weakness on your part, meaning that you he thinks you may regret the breakup. But he wishes to show strength and ignore you. Either he is playing games, or really has not received the messages - or he may simply wish to have nothing more to do with you. In the first and latter case, it is possibly about playing games.
As an example to you, I've had three romantic affairs this year which are now concluded, and I have not extended any holiday greetings to either former partner. I'm not playing any games by not sending greetings although I much enjoyed the relationships while they lasted. They initiated the breakup in each case over my moderate beer drinking. Neither breakup was unpleasant - just an agreed understanding. I simply feel no obligation to initiate further contact since I was the person eventually rejected (dumped). If either woman had sent me a holiday message, however, I would have politely responded. They have not - we all have moved on. Perhaps that helps explain how some men deal with such issues. It may be rather prideful, but I offer but one opportunity.
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A
female
reader, BlueCherry  +, writes (25 December 2008):
 The thing about this is that its NOT about you being a "classy" girl or a good "friend", its about you NOT being over the guy that broke it off with you. You probably deserve someone better than that, not just some "pathetic loser" after all, you're a classy chick.
Cheers!
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A
female
reader, BRITTBABII2 +, writes (25 December 2008):
I think the only reason he aint rite back cause he knew that you would be thinkin about why he aint rite back and he wants to be on ur mind just dont think about it maybe in a couple weeks he will write u out of no where
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