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female
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*vanna22
writes: My boyfriend stopped wanting to have sex with me completely!!! we were together for almost a year. Him and I used to have sex 4 times a day in the beggining and it was the best sex I've ever had in my life and he said the same for him. This whole thing of him not wanting to have sex with me went on for about 4 months til I've had enough. I kept feeling undiserable and unattractive so I broke up with him hoping he will come back and try to solve the problem and get back together with me but he didn't. A week went by and this other guy asked me to be his gf so I accepted because i wanted to try to get over my ex which was stupid. My ex and I kept talking while we were broken up so I told him about the new guy. Then this new guy turned out to be a liar, he was still seeing his ex gf so I broke up with him. Then I begged my ex to take me back. It took me a lot of begging but he accepted. Things only got worse after that. It got to the point where he didn't even wanna make out with me anymore. He just became cold. Stopped saying I love you, stopped wanting to go to places with me, started spending a lot more time with his buddies. Even on weekends he wouldn't really hang out with me anymore. It was very painful. And whenever i was going to sleep over his house he would delete all of his text messages. He said that it was because it got full but I think that's bull crap. I think there were some things he didn't want me to see. I felt awful because he did this ALL the time. So everyday i kept threatning to leave him. Until HE finally said that it just wasn't working out and maybe in the future we could try again. I was devastated I couldn't get out of bed it was aweful!!! He kept calling me everyday I don't know why. He would just ask me where i was and what i was doing but he was extra nice to me unlike when we were still together cuz back then he just sounded like a jerk. Him calling me after the break up only went on for two to three days until I asked him why he wanted to keep talking to me and he said because maybe things will work out if we kept talking and being friends. I told him that me talking to him would just make things harder for me and that i won't be able to move on. He was very stubborn about it because he really wanted to keep talking til I had to be mean to him to make him go away. I told him to fu** off and to never call me again and that I wanted him out of my life and that if he called me again I would have to change my number. He said fine I won't call. I told him is either all or nothing. He knew i wanted to get back with him really badly and didn't just wanna be friends with him bcuz that wasn't gonna help me move on. It's been a week since I told him to never call me again and he hasn't. What I really want is him to try to get me back and fix things but it's been 15 days since he broke up with me and still hasn't done anything. Will it be stupid to call him? Should I just wait about a month an a half and not call him and see if he comes back? Should I just forget about him?
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broke up, ex girlfriend, get back together, his ex, I love you, liar, move on, my ex, text Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2008): Miss.DiovanLestat you are so honest :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2008): Ah there you are... Yes my JohnDoe, I was very harsh, and now it's time for me to apologize. Sorry Ivanna, after your updated clarification, I know understand more about your situation and why you keep dumping him and then wanting him back. Still wrong in my opinion, and hurtful as well, but totally understandable now you have added more information.
I hate to say this, but it's what I think now you have added some information. He's a young guy, no reason to go off sex, but he's always been funny about his phone, hiding it away from you. He goes off sex, he doesn't mind when you leave, he's not too bothered when you start dating somebody else, and then when you realise your mistake, you have to beg, and beg and beg to go back to him. Your back with him now, and things are worse than ever, he spends little time with you, and the sex is no better.
Your guy is having an affair, he's been sleeping with somebody else. That's the only explanation that makes sense to me. He doesn't care if you go, because he's not in love with you. A man in love gets jealous, likes to have sex, this man dose none of those things. Sorry babes, but I was wrong, this guy has been cheating on you, and I don't really think he cares if you stay or go. That's the only explanation that makes any sense of his behaviour towards you.. Sorry
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2008): Miss.DiovanLestat, dont you think you are a tad bit harsh? :) I can see your point of view though.
Miss.Ivanna22, I think denying sex for four months is a very serious issue. You havent mentioned if you talked to him about it or did something to fix it. I agree with you in breaking up with him over this issue. But that you expected him to miss you and come back to you is a bit too wishful. It may happen but you cant count on it. From that point you did everything wrong. You shouldnt have begged him to take you back. I think if a person starts denying sex there cant be true love in him. Love always gives. So even though you still loved him, you must have accepted the fact that he didnt reciprocate your feelings and you should have moved on. Since you begged him to take you back, there was really no basis to expect the sexual side to improve the second time around. You have done the right thing by cutting all contacts becoz that is the best way to get over him. But you still expect him to come back and take you back? You havent learnt your lesson yet? He wont come back and even if he comes back, there is no guarantee that the future will be good. Dont call him. Like Miss.DiovanLestat mentioned, he will think you are being selfish and playing games with him. You have to move on.
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reader, BlueCherry  +, writes (26 December 2008):
 Hmmm... cultural differences ? language barrier ?
I too was in a foreign country and had to adapt at a young age, hard to do. Perhaps that's one of the many reasons you two didn't click? maybe not, maybe im just trying to make some sense of it all.
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reader, Ivanna22 +, writes (26 December 2008):
Ivanna22 is verified as being by the original poster of the question i'm 20 and he's 21. He's american and i'm hispanic. I came here when i was 13 and learned english here. He was always a little weird with his phone ever since we started dating. After i left him for not wanting sex with me i contacted him after two days. When i told him about the guy he seemed to care but not as much as i would care if he did that to me. All he said was oh really?
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2008): PS: Another question about this guys behaviour. When you were dating this other guy, and you and him were just friends. Who decided to stay as friends? Who contacted who first? You told him about the new guy, what did he say, did he show any jealousy at all, didn't he care that you were now dating somebody else? How long was you with that other lying guy?
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2008): Ivanna, one thing I notice about you is that your are jawbreaking honest, something that not all people have.. anyway, it's just something I noticed.
You were together and had a good relationship, wonderfull sex for a year, then for 4 months something went wrong and the wonderfull sex stopped. Well of course that stinks, it hurts and it leaves you feeling confused. You explained all this to him I assume, and told him to sort it out, because you can't stay in a no-sex relationhp with a guy who dosen't seem to mind. Assumptions only, because you didn't say.
How old are you Ivanna, how old is this guy, knowing your age, and probably the countries/background you both come from would help. This site is anonymous, I don't know who you are at all, and neither dose anyone else.
Secondly, I'm not clear, I thought the strange text's started after you got back together, but are you now saying that they started before. Thanks for the update, it provides a lot of clarity about this breaking up and coming back together. One strong message to you babes, it's not about how attractive you are, it's not about whether something is wrong with you. I'll make the assumption that you haven't changed, your still the same woman he's had the hots for and had wild sex with for nearly a year. We women tend to blame ourselves when men have sexual issues.. But as you have seen (and now I understand about the other guy) other people can find you attractive and you have choices, you can attract and date other people, if this relationship dosen't work out...
If you have time, just answer those new questions that I asked. You've now told the story more clearly, and it's his behaviour I'm thinking about now. But no more of this together and breaking up. Either this relationship gets properly fixed or you walk away, mend your broken heart, and put this all in the past as a learning experience.
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reader, BlueCherry +, writes (26 December 2008):
With all due respect here, your true colors are showing, how did you ever hoped for this guy to know what was going on if you waited around feeling abandoned and playing all this games? and, to top it all off, you go and find another loser in a week? Its common sense, dear. He got tired of the bs and moved on, you should consider doing the same.
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reader, Ivanna22 +, writes (26 December 2008):
Ivanna22 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionand no our sex life only got worse after we got back together. Then HE dumped me. And now i'm heartbroken. And i only went with that other guy to try to forget about him because he wasn't coming back to me. If that guy wasn't a liar i don't think things would have worked out anyways because i just couldn't get my ex out of my head the whole time i was with him. After i dumped this liar i still had hope that my ex an i could work things out and solve our issue, because other than the sex our relationship was very good. If we could just solve that issue we would feel a lot more connected, I would feel a lot less insecure. Him not wanting to have sex with me not only started to affect my self esteem but it also made me start thinking that he was with someone else besides my back, because he acted very strange with his cellphone and always deleted his texts so i wouldn't see them.
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reader, Ivanna22 +, writes (26 December 2008):
Ivanna22 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwait a minute!!! I broke up with him because he stopped wanting to have sex with me completely and i waited around for four months to see if things changed but it didn't, so i couldn't continue to live my life feeling undesireable and frustrated and wondering what was wrong with me. The thing is, that once he stopped wanting to have sex with me, he told me he didn't know why he was never in the mood and could never give me a good answer, so I decided to leave. Yes, I thought leaving him would make his dick come up you know why?. Because I thought if i left him he would at least make a bigger effort to fix the problem to not lose me. By seeing a doctor or something.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2008): Your sex life changed, your boyfriend turned away from you, well exactly what did you try to fix this. What did he say to you when you asked. What issues did he have, what explanations did he give? Why did you think that dumping him would help to get his dick to come up. If you loved him so much, how come it only took you a week to find somebody else to settle down and have sex with. If that guy hadn't have lied, would you still have loved your boyfriend, would you have tried to get back to him. Did your sex life improve after you got back together, if it didn't get better, why do you want him back, when it was the lack of sex that original caused you to break up.There are the questions about the sex issue, the questions that she failed to ask for advice and hep with.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2008): Ms anonymous, it's not nice to put words into peoples mouth. Nobody said anything about sex at all.. I didn't mention it, neither did BlueCherry. I specfically talked about dumping a guy, begging him to come back, dumping him, and then coming to Dear Cupid and wondering if you should call him after you just told him to "fu** off"I didn't mention the sex issue, because this lady asked very specific questions. She didn't ask us why he went off sex, it seems that at the moment she dosen't care. She had no problems deciding she loved her no-sex boyfriend after the guy she quickly moved on to turned out to be a liar and a cheat. Her questions are centered on will her no-sex guy continue to play this dump me, come back to me game...Please read her post and the answers given more carefully.Will it be stupid to call him? Should I just wait about a month an a half and not call him and see if he comes back? Should I just forget about him?Before you pass judgement, maybe you should read more carefully and see that nowhere have I or anyone else mentioned that sex is not important in a relationship. it's this bouncing up and down that I find cruel.
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reader, BlueCherry +, writes (26 December 2008):
Diovan is absolutely right. Why would you expect the guy to come to you and communicate when you, on the first sign of the relation going sour, dropped him like nothing?
You're collecting what you deserve.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2008): Before I pass judgement I have a question? Did u ever ask him why he stopped wanting sex. Because unlike what I have heard here I agree that him just suddenly stopping sex is not right. It will make you insecure and feel undesirable. Yes love is SO important but so is sex and anyone on here who says otherwise is wrong.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2008): You can't even see what you've done wrong. How the hell can you expect this relationship to work? I hope you get more responses, I'd love to see if anyone agrees that your the one was has been treated badly and everything you have done is correct and right.
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reader, Ivanna22 +, writes (26 December 2008):
Ivanna22 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwait a minute. What did i do wrong here!!! He stopped wanting to have sex with him so i ended things with him thinking if he really loved me he would come back and try to fix things. It's not like i dumped him for no reason. Since he wasn't coming back i decided to try to move on so i tried seeing other people. It didn't work so i asked him for another chance because i really loved him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2008): What you should do Ivanna is to stop playing games with people's hearts. Everything you have done is enough for any man to loose respect for you. You dumped this guy to show him a lesson, well he learnt that lesson, he learnt never to trust you (or probably) any woman again. You dump him and pick him up whenever you choose, you pretend to leave, you tell him to go and then you wonder why he treats you like crap, or when he starts talking to other girls.
The game you are playing has been a classic case of a "head fuck". He's a human being, he has feelings, what do you think it did to him when you dumped him and then started dating somebody else. Your relationship is over, well at least the loving relationship you had before is gone. You broke it, with your silly games of push him away and then demand he come back. The guy hangs around probably because he still cares. But he's lost respect for you big time, he doesn't trust you, he sees no reason to be faithful to you, because who knows when you may have one of your moods and dump him again.
If he dose call back, I would suggest that you don't take him back. As you've seen this guy is now so angry and mixed up that it seems like he loves giving you pain. Learn how to communicate and talk to guys, learn how to work out your problems in a more adult manner. It's women like you that breaks guys hearts, it's women like you that create the bastards that other women have to fix up and teach them how to love and trust again.
Stay away from him, you are messed up, you are controlling and manipulative and you don't seem to have any respect for people's feelings at all. Because of your actions, this guy's feelings towards you have changed. Your still the same person, if he takes you back, me, him and probably you know that you'll continue to play these games.
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reader, BlueCherry +, writes (25 December 2008):
Dear stranger,
Everything you've done during your 'relationship' was very wrong and he was never yours to begin with. I believe that's my answer to your question- don't go after that does not belong to you.
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