A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have to vent right now as I am SO angry and upset! I want to have sex but my partner keeps coming up with lame excuses. I am a virgin and he is much older than me and not a virgin and yet somehow its ME that has to pester him for sex. It started off because I did not want to have sex when the relationship started but after two years I decided that I was ready and told him. Nothing happened. I asked him again and he said yes, we will have sex but he made no moves. I then broke up with him as he wasn't meeting my needs. I am 25 and still a virgin. I have been saving myself for the right guy and its just not happening. Before you say its him, its not. My ex boyfriend whom I was with for two years also refused to have sex!!!!I am 25, in fantastic shape (uk size 8 and medium size boobs long natural black hair), I have a bioscience degree and currently about to start a phd. I am not a party girl, I read in my spare time and I am quite frankly fantastic gf material. I JUST DO NOT GET IT, Why can I not find a man who wants to use me for sex and dump me? Why do I get lumped with the losers who want to hang around and make me wait for sex? I read this site frequently and all I see is husbands whose wife will not have sex iwth them and they try everything to get htem to have sex like buy them stuff and tell them nice things. Then I hear from the girls who date guys only to find out that they have been used for sex. I have never been used for sex, all I f-ing get is 'you have a great personality' and bla bla...I just want to get laid! Why is this not happening?I have even thought of putting up an ad on an adult site but I just cant stand the thought of diseases and what not so its not really for me.Plus I have moral hang ups about one night stand sex so it ownt work for me. I dont have any male friends who will do the deed as I only have female friends and I cannot think of any other way. I just want sex in a relationship is that really so much to f-ing ask?±?±±±
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boobs, broke up, my ex, one night stand, still a virgin Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2011): You say you've got tons of girlfriends they just hook you up with the guy. If you like a guy you just stare at him and smile. And if he doesn't come over to talk to he's an idiot. It's that simple or the guys just not that confident and we all know what happens when you get with an unconfident guy.
A
male
reader, belly1976 +, writes (13 June 2011):
Hope you've found the right person by now. The right person is out there or so I keep getting told. An ex girlfriend was like that we broke up in the end but we got back together years later but by then my health changed and I was the person who became scared to have sex. We got past all that in time we even got engaged. It never lasted my last girlfriend said I was sex made and so I stoppped asking for sex and she ended it. Lifes very short live each day as if its your last mind you I don't drink and my party days are well behind me now. Goodluck with everything
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2010): Are you sure he isn't cheating on you? If he isn't getting sex from you he is likely to be going elsewhere. Those who cheat are more likely not to want sex with their partner - instead of having both.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (11 August 2010):
 You didn't say how old you are. If you're under the age of say 20 he probably just has a lot of respect for you and is trying to let you remain a virgin as long as possible for the true love of your life. You only have that virginity once in your life. make sure you give it to the one you will be with forever.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt +, writes (11 August 2010):
You didn't say how old you are. If you're under the age of say 20 he probably just has a lot of respect for you and is trying to let you remain a virgin as long as possible for the true love of your life.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2010): I think this probably has something to do with the fact that you didn't want sex until 2 years into the relationship. He is probably used to turning off his desires for you. I think you are being a bit harsh about your partner demanding sex now because YOU want it, it seems to be all on your terms. You didn't want it for two years, and your partner respected that. Now he doesn't want it and yet you feel that you are being hard done by for some reasons. It seems like you just want things your way. Two years is a long time to make someone wait, I wouldn't be surprised if he has just buried that part of his desire for you. Did you play games with him or mess him around at all? Maybe he is just tired of waiting and bored with it all.
Your physical description implies that there is nothing wrong with you to look at, so I can only presume that it is your attitude which is the problem; I must say that you come across as more than a bit selfish and arrogant, and perhaps this puts people off.
I am also confused by the fact that you say people have made you wait for sex, and that all you want is sex in a relationship. But you ALSO tell us that you didn't want sex for 2 years in your current relationship. It sounds to me like you want to have your cake and eat it, and then blame your partners if you don't like it. Do you think your partner wanted to wait for 2 years? Now the shoe is on the other foot and it seems to have made you very angry. You can't have it both ways. If you make people wait for sex they might well do it back.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2010): Hello thanks for the replies. I was REALLY angry when I wrote the post and as you can see went overboard with the language and the use of random symbols. My apologies for that.
DrPsych-I think I might do that. Just go to a club and see how things go, but yes as YouWish said, I really don't want a one night stand as it'd not something I would realistically be able to take part in. Don;t get me wrong I have thought about it as it seems so simple but I don't think it's something I can do.
Also, its hard to pretend I am not a virgin as I am rather tight and small down there. (sorry for the detail) its going to take some effort for my partner to get in as I cannot even get two of my own (small) fingers in.
Well, I fell for all that 'wait for the right guy and save yourself'' stuff when I was a teen so even though I did go on lots of dates and have boyfriends I didn't do anything sexual with them as I was 'saving myself'. Also, YouWish the reason I decided to wait two years is because I really wanted to be sure about the guy before I became intimate with him. I know, in hindsight it was stupid to wait that long as he himself also said that the reason he didn't try anything after was because its became routine for us not ot have sex and he stopped trying from the first time I said no.
Thanks again for your replies YouWish and DrPsych.
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A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (11 August 2010):
 Well, here's the thing. What kind of guys are you attracted to? Sometimes, we tend to fall for guys with similar traits. Also, there's kind of a "Madonna - whore" complex in play where you're "pure", and guys respect and don't want to open the package, so to speak. So you're placed on a pedestal, kinda like a toy that's a collector's item, very valuable, but they're scared you'll lose that value if you're "opened" or "used".
All you have to do it walk into a bar, make ZERO mention of your virginity, and you'll find a guy willing to use you for a one-night stand. However, I'm guessing that's not what you really want. You have to watch the control games. You made your guy wait for TWO years before telling him you were ready for sex. No wonder he doesn't want to have it now. I'm also guessing that you've been meeting his needs in other ways, so he's not wanting to "open" your package after 2 years invested.
You may need to move on to a new relationship, and THIS time, don't make the guy wait 2 years or play games or waffle back and forth. A guy will generally make a move and initiate physical contact in a reelationship, and if you're wanting sex, you need to be as enthusiastic as he is and don't hesitate even for a second. Make sure the sex is safe, though.
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (11 August 2010):
 In some ways you should be flattered - at least they are not with you for the sex! However, I understand there comes a point where it just gets ridiculous and they seem to respect you too much. When I was in University as a single girl I met some very strange men too. In fact I have never had a relationship with a fellow student or colleague as I cannot say I have much in common with them. Don't go down the lonely heart column route, you may end up meeting a nutcase who sticks you in their freezer. If you want to meet more sexually minded men, get dressed up and go clubbing. It might not be your thing, but give it a try. I would say that the clubbing one-night-stand is perhaps not the place to lose your virginity, but you might at least find someone to date casually in such a place. I met my husband at a club that I got dragged to by a friend one evening. I wouldn't have been seen dead in there if I wasn't coerced, but it worked and I never thought you could meet good guys at such places! Good luck with your PhD by the way.
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