A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:I have a lot of friends at school and I am in a choir and have a lot of friends there too! But in my swimming club nobody speaks to me, and I can't seem to figure out why? I always arrive late on purpose so I won't have to stand on poolside like a loner while everyone is talking to there mates. When we do a hard set and we are having a rest I am just in the corner and everyone will completely ignore me! I swim 5 times a week and l don't want to give up swimming, but I feel like rubbish when nobody talks to me. I sometimes go into the changing rooms and just cry because I feel like nobody likes me, but when I go to school or choir I feel better. I never take part in the swimming meets because last time I did that I was all on my own, so I haven't been to a swimming meet in over a year! I just don't understand why they ignore me!! Its really annoying because they can see me standing on my own but it's like they are enjoying it! I have thought about moving clubs but my brother really doesn't want to and it would be too hard for us to go to separate clubs. And I have been in the club for most of my life so I really don't want to just abandon it! I am a 13 year old girl, who enjoys keeping healthy but I have had enough of being treated like this at my swimming club, and I know some people have it much worse than me and I really do sympathise for them, but what can I do to stop being treated like I'm invisible? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou guys are right! Tomorrow I am going to go up to them and make conversation! NO MORE SHY GIRL WHO STANDS IN THE CORNER! But I might be moving to a different club that I have lots of friends in! But I am going to try talking more! Thanks to everyone who helped!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2015): I used to feel like that when I was younger, till I learned to just enjoy the thing I'm there to do (ie for you the actual swimming) and stop worrying about the people. Have some confidence in yourself to stand alone! You do have to make an effort to be friendly to people though, just say 'hi' to them, make small talk if you want. They will not come over and talk to you. Maybe these people won't be your best friends but you shouldn't feel like you have to hide and cry. Say hello be pleasant, chill out and go there to enjoy the SWIMMING !
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2015): It's difficult to know if you really are being ostracised by the others or whether, as the other respondent suggested, this has happened because people think that you want to be left alone. It could be the case that somehow, things didn't get off to the best start and have spiralled into this odd situation from thereafter. So, it could even be a bit of both - that people think that you want and enjoy being left alone/that you don't like them and, also, that partly they are gaining some sort of kick out of excluding you. Life is never straightforward, and it really could be a mixture of both of these things.Do you have another friend or friends that could join the swimming club with you? I ask because it seems like you don't have the confidence, just by yourself, to actually approach any of the club members and try to re-start the whole relationship with them. The longer it goes on like this, the worse it will get. If you don't feel strong enough to make the changes necessary to talk to them and start filtering out who actually wants to be friends with you from those who are enjoying excluding you, then I think the best thing to do is take a friend with you, so that at least the others in the group can see that you do enjoy being friends with someone else. If you take someone confident, maybe they will have the courage to make contact with the others and gradually you can start a little 'group' dynamic...worth a try. If you don't have a friend to take with you and you don't feel confident enough to approach the others, then I really think you have to decide whether it's worth sticking out this particular club - sometimes dynamics simply don't work and it's best to leave and start somewhere new. Staying put in a situation that does't change could possible have a very bad effect on your confidence and self esteem in other areas of your life.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice  +, writes (24 August 2015):
 I don't understand how your club works, because I have never had anything like it.
Here is How I see what you have told us. You show up late, hide a lot, run off to cry, and don't participate fully. You are doing all you can to be invisible. Then you ask why does every one treat me like I'm invisible.
It's probably because they think that's what you want.
Just my guess.
At 13 it could be many social things, but you asked what could you do. My advice is to engage with the group. You need to be with them to be part of them.
FA
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (24 August 2015):
 Do you talk to any of them?
Maybe you should try and make the first move instead of waiting for them to do it. And honey, CRYING in the locker-room does you no good.
If you are shy just start by saying hi or give someone a compliment.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2015): Get your mum to have a word with the coach ,something along the lines of "my daughter isnt really happy at the club because she isnt making friends and feels a bit ignored".If the coach ia any kind of decent person they should take action to make sure you dont feel at all left out when it comes to chatting with friends.Your message comes across very well,you express yourself very clearly and there is no reason on earth that they should be unfriendly or ignore you ,so if the swimming coach wants to keep you in the lessons they should sort this one out. If mum pays the bills then she should be the one to complain. It isnt fair if you feel in tears in the changing room.Good for you for writing in and explaining how you feel!
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