A
male
age
36-40,
*nil D
writes:i am trembling badly people ..i dont know whats wrong with me ....i have again come close to my ex gf ...we are friends but its kinda 'highly dependence on each other for happiness' friendship...i got many chances to end it up and leave her alone ...even she got used to living without me(i had dumped her) but i have been dragging it all the way because i care for her a lot ...we keep going back and forth ...when i am close to her and she gives too much attention to me i feel insecure and alerted and push her away a little...and when it appears like a genuine friendship(like talking only sometimes) i miss her compainionship and feel scared of losing her or run back to her for 'getting it right' (not as a lover though only friend) thinking she may lose trust on me as she truly loved me and i should have some humanity...i have messed it all up and a scary cycle is formed ....we keep going back and forth and i fear what will its conclusion be? at times i feel like getting her back but next time i think "what am i doing ?? i dont love her " if i go back this time, i'l have to marry this girl! otherwise she'l be broken with no trust in love ....i dont wanna hurt her! inshort i dont like when she is too close to me or too away from me and act formal like other friends ...i feel guilty cuz i care for the poor girl and also am scard of losing her ...plz help me get rid of this cycle...i am confusing her!we have come close in these few days like she's been texting me too often and i am again scared of coming too close and will again start acting like a jerk! i have made it clear that we wont get back ever again ...i am worried cuz this friendship is getting closer and closer and it shouldnt hurt her againAdditional Detailswheneva we meet she cant help herself sticking to me ...its clear she sees me as her lover and in no way enjoying this friendship....but she says she isnt keeping any hopes though ...she just wants my frienship and is moving on with life .....she is determined and strong only if we not meet ..if we meet then those things come back again and its hard to resist the feelings ...can we become like normal friends ? now if i push her away and cut off communication little by little , then she will lose trust over me and may never accept me as a good friend in future ...what is all this happening ? i feel like crying ..there are so many questions in my mind!! its all messed up ...
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2009): i think you should arrange it so that you live impossibly far from her, so that you two will be unable to see each other in person. it's really painful to lose someone at first, and the increased distance at first sinks in like a knife cutting, but it is a necessary pain to go through if you are trying to progress from a romantic relationship to true friendship...especially if you are sure you don't want to be with her, then keeping a huge distance will be best for both of you in the long run, even though it will hurt for a while. you are so young, so don't let this one situation bring you down. you have so much time to meet other people, and she will be your friend in the future if you both don't out grow one another by then. stay strong and start to build your life around what interests you, far away from her. if you keep depending on her and on this shaky situation, it is going to get more and more difficult to move one to something that works better for you.
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