A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:i have beeen in this relationship with this guy for 6 months now and he doesn't likes to kiss me.and when we're having sex he just lays there.i have to always do all the work.and we never communicate with each other.what does that means and what should i do.he tells me that he loves me but not in person only through text messaging.if i ask him in person he cant tell me.why?
View related questions:
kissing, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2011): Insecurity and fear more likely than not. There is ALWAYS a reason for this, the question is "what reason" and you will need to explore that together, or move on separately, if you want to have a good sexual relationship.My wife stopped kissing me a few years into our relationship, even during sex, and we had a lot of issues around intimacy, she denied, and denied, and denied, that there were "issues" and didn't want to talk about it.I read a lot, pushed a lot gently and firmly at times, and it took (I'm not exaggerating) over 10 years for her to open up.It was like opening Pandora's Box as the stories of abuse, rape, neglect, fear, and insecurity, hidden drug abuse, closeted drinking, and damn near anything you can think of came out.So, realize that you have a project, that is not short term. I was married and had kids before my wife started shutting down. Years passed and it was like "hey, the kids are getting older, this should be getting better but it's getting worse".What I found out is that having kids often makes this stuff worse, not better, having a "stable home life" makes people withdraw frequently not actually become more open because they fear losing everything that they have gained, and fear takes hold of their lives. It was the opposite of what I would have thought, but I understand it better now.
|
