A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So, I'm 18 going on 19 and still living at home, trying to finish my freshman year of college and I have a 9'o clock curfew still. I don't know what to do. I can't even use my vehicle without their permission which means I can't go out with my boyfriend or my friends on any day of the week. I just don't know what to do to change their minds. Help.
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female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (16 October 2011):
 Unfortunately, it's your parents home, so you have to abide by their rules. I'm assuming you're living there rent-free, not paying for any living expenses, your car, or college. Basically what they say goes, due to the fact they're funding your lifestyle. If you want more freedom, then sit them down for a chat. Explain that you're legally an adult, attending college, and that you would like to change the strict rules. Now if they're paying for your schooling, then I see why you have a strict curfew to ensure your tending to your studies and making decent grades. So many college kids get wrapped up in the partying and neglect their studies. Before you know it, they've dropped out and all that money their parent's invested into their university education was nothing but a complete waste. However if they won't allow you a little more leeway, then you're going to have to obtain a job and start saving money to move out in your own place. Your apartment/house, your rules.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (15 October 2011):
 you live in their home
are they paying your bills?
do you pay rent?
is it THEIR CAR or your car?
who puts gas in it?
who pays the insurance?
were you a wild child in high school? perhaps they are worried about that?
I agree that a 9 pm curfew is a bit outrageous... even at 16 I had a 1 am on saturday nights...
do they go to bed early? if they worry about you and it keeps them from sleeping that may be a reason....
have you asked them why? what do they say? can you all sit down and rationally talk about it?
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (15 October 2011):
 You are legally an adult, you can somewhat do whatever the heck you want (so long as it's legal). Here's the thing though, if your parents are paying for you to live at home, you have to follow their rules. If your parents are paying for your car (registration, insurance, etc...) you have to use it on their terms.
Some parents have trouble accepting that their little kid is a grown person, so you need to calmly sit them down and explain that you are now almost 19 years old, that you are legally an adult, and you need to have more freedoms than an adolescent. You then need to explain to them WHY you are responsible enough to gain these freedoms. Give examples. In the end, their house, their rules though. If they won't budge and you won't live with their rules (which are pretty stifling) then move out.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2011): I think it has a lot to do with respect. Your parents mean well, they just aren't adapting as you are growing and developing. They still see you as this cute little girl, wanting to protect her from all the worlds evil. I believe you should respect them and abide by their rules. Unfortunately that's the downside to not having your own property. So since its their house u have to abide by their rules. If you feel grown and adult like so much that you don't like they're rules well then that's when getting a full time job n getting your own place can be your reality. No matter how old u are when u live with someone and you split bills or they are fully paying for everything then of course u won't have if way a lot. It really sucks n I can relate. Had a dorm roommate in college and she reported me to housing director bc she wanted to be greeted and hold a conversation each time she entered the room. So I got written up bc she didn't feel welcomed. Sometimes dear u have to tolerate things until u can afford to do better. Be gracious u have a family. Best wishes n congrats on college.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2011): Wait... you need their permission, why?
You are a legal adult, start acting like one. You wanna go out, go out. You wanna stay out to whenever you wish, then stay out. Just try to be quiet when you get in so as not disturb anyone.
There comes a time in most people's lives when they have to tell their parents, thanks for all the fish, but I'm having some drinks with friends and don't wait up.
This is yours.
Flynn 24
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