A
female
age
30-35,
*rsjaredleto
writes:Hi everyone, was wondering if somebody could help me, it's not a relationship question, it's a question about my 17-month-old daughter. But the problem could have something to do with my previous short-lived relationship which ended last month. For the past few days I've felt very strange about leaving my daughter on her own, like for a few secons or with my good friend who I've known for years, I'm even more upset when she falls over and bangs her head as babies do, and I just want to hug her all the time. I'll explain what happened in my relationship first, it was unexpected that me and the guy got together, it kind of just happened, he has a son around the same age as my daughter with another partner, things got rough between them and I've known him for years and we got together, things were going great at the start, but moved too quickly I guess. He moved in and we was sharing a bed, my daughter still waked up in the night as she is still breastfed so she comes into my bed at some point in the night. Sometimes I'd wake up and realize she had moved closer to his side of the bed and they were both asleep hugging, at first I found this cute. Then after a while longer, he started acting strange, getting violent towards me, pretending to "play fight" with me just so he could have the excuse to hit/kick me, I'd be covered in bruises and couldn't fight back very well. He laughed it off. I told him I'd had enough of the "play fights" that I thought it was immature. He just carried on with them. And then he started getting very with himself, as if he was the only person in the room, not talking a lot, he'd just sit there alone, silently. I'd ask him what was wrong, "nothing" he'd reply. The last week he was living with me I got ill with the flu, he said he would run me a bath (after another round of his 'play fighting') I said okay as long as I could have my baby in the bath with me,as it was more convienent we got washed at the same time. he got all defensive and angry about me bringing her in the bath and started getting angry saying things like "you're really crossing the line now, do as you're told" he scared me a little bit, I went to get my daughter to bring her in the bath and he grabbed me, stripped me naked and shoved me in the bath, I got back out, got my daughter and got in the bath with her and shut the door. It doesn't have a lock on, so he came back in, but this time with a completely new personality, "I'll do the hoovering and house work babe" he said. "Do you want anything?" Completely sucking up to me.I didn't know what he was upto so I shrugged it off. He came back in after hoovering, with his phone, saying "aww look at you two in the bath" and then I noticed he was taking pictures of us. Both of us naked in the bath. I asked him what he was doing and told him to stop. He openly admitted he was taking pictures, and even showed me them right there. I told him to get out but he got worse, I think he took a video as well. Then he said "mother in action, eh?" And winked at me, I didn't have a clue what he was on about, then he left for work. I had the whole day to think about it, then I thought - naked pictures, possibly a video, he's been acting weird around me and my daughter the past few days, and then the comments. I didn't want to think it but it all added up to perverted thoughts about my daughter and a violent attitude towards me. And every time me and him would have sex, he used to tie me up, but extremely tightly and he would strangle me so I coudlnt breathe, he liked the idea of being in control. He was really starting to freak me out. Any way I had it out with him, he said he was messing about with the pictures and he didn't mean a thing with the comments, I couldn't trust him anymore so kicked him out the house, he's long gone away from me and my daughter now.I've found somebody else who things are going well with, we have been friends from school years, and are taking it slow. Here Is The Problem;--------------------A few nights ago, while my daughter was sleeping, I felt paranoid about leaving her upstairs by herself I felt someone was in the house so I stayed upstairs and went to bed at the same time as her everynight. But I was watching her sleeping one night and I was so scared somebody was going to come and hurt her, and that night I had the most horrible dream anybody could ever have, I can't exactly remember the whole dream but it scared me so much. Basically in the night mare somebody took her from me, kidnapped her and I don't like to say it but hurt her and she wasn't alive, they returned her to me but they made her into a doll and she looked the exact same but had glass eyes and a permanant smile on her face. It was the scariest dream I ever had. It still haunts me everyday, the night mare was so realistic and detailed that when I woke up from it I was so shocked to see her lying next to me sleeping soundly. I was so happy I woke her up and played with her all morning and wouldn't let go of her. Please someone help me stop having thoughts about this dream, even in the day, I'm scared somebody is going to hurt her or take her. And I don't know who. It sounds crazy because it was just a dream but its really bothering me, I just want to go back to my usual routine with her of letting her have her freedom between meal times, playing independently and me just thinking how happy I am :) now I can't stop thinking about the dream. I forget about it sometimes for around half an hour maximum, then the thoughts come back. Someone please help I need answers asap. Has anyone else ever been through anything like this? And could it have anything to do with the terrible relationship I had? Thank you x
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female
reader, mrsjaredleto +, writes (26 October 2011):
mrsjaredleto is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your help, the dreams are still happening but now they're scary, and about my daughter being left behind. Its better than dreaming about something bad happening to her. The thoughts in the day calmed down when I had posted this question and I spoke to my mom as well, she doesn't think I'm crazy, I just wish they would go away altogether and everything could go back to normal. I guess I'll just have to wait a while, at the moment the thoughts seem to have almost gone, but the dreams are still happening but about something bad happening to me. If they carry on for too long or get any worse I suppose I will have to think about going to my GP and seeing a counselor. Thank you so much for your replies, its much appreciated :) x
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (25 October 2011):
 Do you feel that deep down your ex boyfriend may have hurt your daughter sexually? I think that you are feeling guilty about this relationship and letting this man near your daughter because you are unsure about how dangerous he actually was. You need to let it go now though. If you are really worried that he may have harmed your daughter well then talk to a professional about it. Maybe contact a therapist and seek professional help with this. Maybe get your daughter examined to make sure that everything is OK and maybe then you might be able to start letting this go.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2011): I feel very sorry for you having to go through a relationship like that and the dream you had was absolutely awful. I think your dream was created by your worries from your last relationship, even though he is gone now you can't take those memories of those times away and it could be that the negative thoughts have built up over time and ended up you having that dream.
It is understandable that you are worried for her after all of this and I think it will take a lot of time to overcome this. If I were in your situation I would go and talk to my doctor about the past relationship and the effects that it is having on you even though it is over.
You want to be happy to enjoy your daughters childhood and watch her grow as every parent does. Your doctor can help you find someone who can professionally help clear your mind of these worries. Your doctor can also reassure you that your daughter is in good health and unharmed.
You will get through this, as you have realised you need to do something or you wouldn't have written here. I personally feel the help of a counsellor through your doctor would be the best way as they can week by week build up confidence and get you back to yourself x
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