A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So, my husband and I are recently married (only married about a month and a half, so far) but we're still dealing with the issue of my...ahem...virginity...I've never engaged in full intercourse/penetration and we have tried numerous times already, but it is unbelievably uncomfortable and can be extremely painful. We've made sure that I'm relaxed, aroused, well-lubricated, etc., but it is proving to be much more difficult than I expected. He is very patient and loving and I appreciate that so much, but I understand how badly he wants to take our sex life to that next step, but up until this point, it has been unbearable for me. Am I being immature about the subject and should I just, well "get it over with?" Advice (beyond the obvious, i.e. "make sure you're very lubricated," etc.) please. Thank you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2011): well,seems like you were forced into this marriage. if you are not getting turned on by your husband, maybe you are not attracted to him. maybe he doesn't know what to do in bed so he is scaring you. so what my suggestion is, to have some drinks and let him go down on you without lubrication until you have an orgasm. and then return the favor and give him oral sex. thank you. now go out there and enjoy your marriage. but use protection as you are very young.
A
male
reader, JustHelpinAgain  +, writes (1 September 2011):
Well, the first thing is that you are very normal, don't get unduly stressed over this. Has your husband got you really turned on before you try? And you can orgasm? He has fingers and a tongue which should make no pain and alot of pleasure. An excited woman is much more ready for intercourse, in many ways. Have you played with yourself? A guy can't imagine that all girls don't explore themselves, but it seem a lot don't. If you've tried all of the above then go to a doctor, don't be shy, all bodies have issues and yours isn't too serious, in medical terms. Maybe your husband is just being too gentle? You could you drinking a few glasses of wine before you try next time.
nt too serious, in medical terms
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A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (31 August 2011):
 Since you have tried all the normal bits of advice-have you talked to your Doctor? You might want to address a condition called vaginismus, which is a painful condition of the vagina that prevents comfortable penetration.
There are treatments for the condition. (Google the term-I found a lot of great websites that can lead you to more info)
No, you are not being immature, you are trying to avoid pain. Your first experience with your husband should not be one that traumatizes either one of you. It will not be perfect, but it should not feel as if your are the sacrificial lamb.
How wonderful that you have a loving, patient husband! Go to the Doctor together and talk about how the two of you can start having healthy and mutually satisfying sex life:)
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A
male
reader, good_girls_husband +, writes (31 August 2011):
Hi, I can imagine this is extremely frustrating for both you and your husband. The best thing would be for you to have your hymen surgically removed by your ob-gyn.
This is a very minor surgery which can be done on an outpatient basis. This is actually a very common procedure. My wife had her hymen removed (before she met me) to make inserting tampons less painful.
You will probably need a few days to heal from the surgery, but you can get ready for the big moment with a romantic dinner. Explain to your husband that you would rather go with surgical removal of your hymen to than endure the pain and, probably, bleeding, that will result from insertion of his penis. If he is a good man, he WILL understand. You will still be a virgin, after all.
It will probably be better for both of you since you won't have the pain resulting from a ruptured hymen and he won't have the feelings of guilt from inflicting that pain on you.
Sex in a loving relationship is a wonderful thing and pain should never be a part of it.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (31 August 2011):
 On a scale of 1 to 10, how much does it hurt?
On the same scale, try to list up other things you find painful and how much, so we see better how painful you experience this.
For example (you create your own list):
1 = someone poking you a bit hard
2 = a paper cut
5 = a head ache
7 = migraine
9 = urinary tract infection
10 = giving birth
On such a list I'd put my own first time on level 2 or 3. If you experience severe pain connected to him attempting penetration, you might want to see your doctor to make sure there isn't anything physically standing in the way.
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A
female
reader, auntyR  +, writes (31 August 2011):
your first time is a painful experience, but after that it is very enjoyable and does not hurt at all. So i think you have to bite the bullet and just try to relax during your firs time. Don't worry if you don;t want to carry on for him to climax, stop when you want.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2011): Vaginal dilators. Seriously. Start small and owrk up to the bigger one. It should help.
Also google vaginismus.
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