A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:heyheyMy question is about sex really. Me and my bf are both each others firsts when it comes to sex and we dont fully know what we're doing yet. So i was just wondering how to make him cum (sorry if that seems vulgar)when we are actually having sex because the last few times I just finish by giving him a handjob because he never 'finishes' when were having sex. Does anyone know how i can change this? Also I dont really get that much pleasure out of sex like i dont mind it but i wouldnt really feel like screaming the place down with pleasure like if im being honest i only get pleasure out of foreplay. Is that wrong?? or weird???Any advice at all would really help Thank you
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (6 May 2010):
 Screaming out of pleasure will come with time and practice. As for getting your guy to come in you, tell him this is what you want. Because that is what HE can do on his own. Perhaps he just needs some practice too.
When you have sex have you tried different positions? Different positions give different pleasure. Once you get the hang of the basic ones (missionary, doggy, riding him) pick up a Kama Sutra book and try the easier ones for starters.
Use lubricant.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone for the advice i really really appreciate it!!! Sarah thank you for the long answer it helped a lot, to answer your question i can come really easily on my own i think thats what got me so confused because i could only do it by myself.
Christine i have looked at other answers on that matter and i was aware of that but the problem i was having was not having any feeling of pleasure at any stage. Thank you for the help.
Thanks again everyone =D
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2010): If you talk to him then you can tell each other what you both like. It is so important to be able to talk to each other, because young men may not really understand what women actually need (bloody pornography) to make them feel good, and vice versa. Believe it or not the time you spend discussing your sexual feelings is quite arousing, and creates intimacy. Don't try and guess what you need, it won't improve if you do. A female orgasm is achievable but it depends upon being relaxed, and being able to 'train you man'. A man who can make a woman climax through vaginal penetration alone, is a wonderful thing!! Don't expect immediate miracles! Some couples take years to learn how to please each other like this.
Be open to ideas and don't be afraid to say if you don't like something, that's often the stumbling block.
Most of all don't forget that sex can be amazing, and should only be enjoyable or why bother!!
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A
female
reader, BunnyTee  +, writes (6 May 2010):
 No, It's not wrong or weird. It's FACT and it's the "nature of the beast" You're dealing with classic inexperience, as you seem to already know. Of course, the foreplay aspect gives you more pleasure than that act of intercourse, there are many more nerve endings externally than there are internally.(Many guys remain clueless to this fact, forever) This is the nature of physiological construction and an often the most trying difference between us and men. You're best course is to be honest about makes you feel good and don't be afraid to offer to show him how, if you need to. Guys aren't born with this knowledge, they have to learn it. Always be nice and take care not to make him feel inadequate or like a bumbling oaf-he'll never forget or forgive, if you do. It's an O.J.T. thing, learn as you go. Be honest, communicate openly about things. And it'll be among the best experiences of your life! If he's a good guy he'll be concerned about your satisfaction and not merely his own.
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A
female
reader, SarahEW1  +, writes (6 May 2010):
I had a situation like this for a while with my ex boyfriend, when we first started having sex he was unable to come, even though we were both very attracted to each other.
I was quite worried at the time as I wondered if there was something wrong with him, me or what we were doing! But with a little more time and relaxation it DID get better and eventually we had a great sex life!
I think especially if you're both inexperienced you can be feeling a little nervous, finding it difficult to switch off the brain and just enjoy, or sex can just be not quite the way you were expecting, and that's what leads to this problem. It could also be because he doesn't like the feel of condoms, if that's what you're using, in which case you could use one of those 'ultra thin' types or look into other forms of contraception.
Don't obsess too much about EITHER of you coming just from sex for the moment cos that puts pressure on something that should be enjoyable. Just relax and try things out, it'll happen in good time.
For women in particular it's very normal not to be able to come purely from the penetration, because of course our most sensitive area is the clitoris. That goes for the vast majority so please don't worry about that. Not to make you feel embarassed, but I have a question: do you have any trouble coming on your own, just from touching yourself? Because if you can do that it's a big help towards your enjoyment of sex: you could show him how you like to be touched as part of the foreplay, and even 'help yourself' during sex (that's what I do & I know it's quite common and can be a real turn-on for the man as well as being great for me!).
To make it more - ahem - stimulating for your boyfriend you could try slightly different positions like one that I like where you're lying on the edge of the bed and he's standing up - do you get what I mean with that description?
Anyway, please don't worry and make this into a big deal or you could stress both of yourselves out... I mean, if your boyfriend gets the impression that he's disappointing you in some way then he would be crushed, so if you do want to change things then try to be really positive, and tactful, and not ever give him the idea that he's rubbish in bed or something!
Seriously, the more you do it and the more comfortable you get with each other, the more you'll enjoy yourselves. It'll happen :)
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A
female
reader, ChristineAvril +, writes (6 May 2010):
 You MUST have seen many answers on here saying that most women do not reach orgasm by penetration alone, surely?
Your clitoris is your most effective area and needs to be stimulated lots, as in foreplay, as you have already fopund.
Get him to bring you off a few times that way first and show him where to find your g-spot too (ask, if YOU don't know) and by the time he gets in you, you will be so aroused you will cum readily!
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