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male
age
26-29,
*ohhhhh
writes:hey i am 17 and i am from india and i am a college student well i told you all previously that i am shy and feel nervous to talk to girls and i don't have confidence . So basically my brother is opposite of me he is smart he has confidence and girls like him. He tells me that i should read books. Does reading books will improve my personality and make me smart and will i get confidence by reading books and what kinda books shall i read and can you please suggest me some nice books. I really want to change.
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reader, C. Grant  +, writes (14 November 2013):
 Yes, reading is excellent in many ways -- books can broaden the mind, improve your writing, and yes, give you topics of conversation. Only read books if you're interested in the subject -- forcing yourself to plough through "War and Peace" only because it's a classic will likely discourage you. Read about things you're curious about. History? Medicine? Art? If you're intellectually curious then reading will be a pleasure and you'll get more out of it. One caution though -- it takes a long time to become "well read." Reading won't be a quick fix for your confidence issues.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2013): people don't want you to quote books or look smart that kind of thing may actually make people see you as pedantic, and unless you have bookish friends, most people don't want to talk about books that's why I joined a book club anyway here's a practical advise, sit on different spot at school/ college and try to talk to people, simple as that, ask about something in the classes and the conversation should flow, that kind of works for me, and when you realize you've spoken to most people in your classe. I did that while I was in college because I used to get late for some classes then I needed to get other people's notes to study and the best way is to form a sort of friendship. I met a great pal at uni like that she was talking to someone else about a vacancy where she worked, I sort of cut in and asked about the job, turned out I got it and we became friends. I was awfully shy the first semester of university, I was used to having a small group of friends in high school and didn't really bother to talk to the other classmates a lot, but in college things were really different. I'm not naturally charismatic, but I try to be nice and polite, I ask questions, show interest, some people just want to be heard.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2013): I'm unsure of any books, as I'm unsure if research supports his theory. Perhaps this has worked for him alone, and would not work for you. Confidence comes from how you compare yourself to your peers, or how you feel you measure up to the people around you. Sometimes it is a reflection of how you compare yourself, and other times it is a reflection of the feedback others have given you. Either way, it's all about that comparison and comparing yourself to your social butterfly brother is making things harder on yourself. Take a look at the girls you are interested in. Do you personally feel as though they are better than you? Are you glorifying someone who in reality has their own insecurities they hide rather well? If the only barrier between you and the girl is that you are shy, that doesn't mean you should lower your self-concept. If girls are rejecting you over petty matters, the problem could be the girl, and not you. Or perhaps this isn't a self-esteem issue and is a social issue? Perhaps some books that address social skills would benefit you the most. When I was your age, I was shy as could be. Today, I'm the most social I have ever been. Perhaps this is because I have been in more situations where talking is a must (working, appointments, being the voice for my children.. etc.). Either way, the more you practice trying to be sociable, the more you learn to do so naturally. Here's my book-less suggestion. Try talking to people who you don't feel you have to face everyday and who are not as intimidating. I suggest this because if at first it doesn't go well, you wont feel as though you have to be around them all that much in the future anyways. Try small talk. Compliment someones new shoes (only if you really like them of course), ask someone if the test you missed was hard if they are in some random class of yours, ask someone for change for a dollar.. just get out there and practice talking to stranger peers and see how much you progress if you continue to open up. Everyone is unique, but everyone is human. There is no reason to feel as though you stand out like a sore thumb destined to be rejected by nice people if you are not doing anything to disrespect anyone. Most importantly, you are never going to shine in your own way if you are trying to be like someone else (your brother). Your brother has his own traits, his own strengths and weaknesses, and his own look. You also have your own. Find out what makes you who you are, and run with it. Dolly Parton could never do what Einstein did, and Einstein could have never did what Dolly did. Accept yourself for who you are and you'll allow others to do the same. Look at the popular kids in your school. Each one has their own unique personality; the only thing most of them share is social skills and friends. There is no reason to admire someone else more than you are able to do yourself. Everyone has insecurities, and everyone handles them differently. Some people project them onto others, other people dwell on their own, and other people, like me, accept them and focus on my strengths instead so that I can go as far as I'm capable without letting petty things we all deal with hold me back. Get over it, love yourself for who you are, and practice talking to people. Here's something to try.. Type up a fun questionnaire, and during lunch or free time at school, pick random people to ask to participate in answering it. Tell them it is for some random thing you are doing. Be in good spirits as you have fun asking people questions and pay attention to the diversity of the students in your community. Ignore your shyness, and take that first step to walk up to someone. Just do it; it's the first step to getting past your shyness and it's not suppose to be easy. Change seems hard. Emotions override logic in humans. Just do it. I could ramble on and on. This is because I let shyness take away my high school years. Now I'm an adult who doesn't get to go to a packed school every day where I could talk to all kinds of people whenever. I was afraid to go up to the front of class and get the answer wrong. Today, if I got the answer wrong, I would accept that I didn't understand it, and I would ask the teacher to help me get it before I sat back down, and the people who are afraid to ask for help admire that. You'd be surprized how far you would get if you would push yourself out of your comfort zone. You can't grow mentally if you don't. Otherwise, you'll sit still where you're at.
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reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (13 November 2013):
 To you, or anyone else who poses this - or a similar - question about such books.... I always suggest that the ONE book that fits this description is "How to Win Friends and Influence People"... by Dale Carnegie. It is timeless....
Good luck....
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A
male
reader, 11muds11 +, writes (13 November 2013):
I agree that books can help. "The game" is an interesting one.
But when my brother, who always got women easily, gave his secret pile of Humphrey Bogart movies, then things really got going. Humphrey was short and ugly yet got all the girls. Why? By smarts, humour and funny lines. Guess what, they still work today. Maybe even better than before. And it gave me the self-confidence with everyone.
You can view all of Humphrey's movies easily on the internet.
Just an idea. Hope this helps. Good luck.
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