A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I am having an identity crisis. For 49 years, I was single. I lived first with my parents, then alone. But, I felt at home. I recently married, moved in to the house my husband shared with his ex wife and feel so alone. I hate the house. We cannot move because of finances. He has told me I can make changes, but whenever I suggest something, he disapproves of my ideas. He complains that I don't keep the place clean, but I have no interest in it. I feel like I'm just living in a motel. There is no connection whatsoever between me and that house. It's hers. She's been gone for 10 years, legally it is "ours". But in my mind, it's hers.The adult children and grandchildren think of it as my husband's. They are constantly making references to dad's house, dad's things, dad's furniture (when in reality, it's mine.) One of them made a comment about me cleaning up dad's kitchen.My husband thinks this is so trivial and gets angry when I mention it. How can I make him understand that a home is important to a woman and I need a sense of belonging?
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you, didi501! How nice to get a little empathy from someone who knows what I am going through. I've written a few posts on here and anytime the "step family" issue is brought up, I seemed to get attacked from every angle. But the truth is, I love my step kids and grandkids I just want some respect and a feeling of belonging. I hate so much feeling like a visitor in my own home. Thanks again!
A
female
reader, didi501 +, writes (23 February 2009):
You know what, I feel for you so much. I was and am still going through this, so your basically not alone. On the other hand, when I moved in with my b/f now of 8 yrs, we changed the house completely, changed the paint, furniture and everything else. I think the same way as you but without him arguing with me when i want to change something. Is that him and I have children from past marriages example: children we didnt have together. His older son who lives with us, always gets involved in our conversations when me and his father talk about his divorce issues from his mother, and I dont like how the son has things to say, like he would say," oh your gonna have to deal with my mom when it comes to this house", and that is so hurtful even though I have put about almost 25,000 in bills in this home, and food ..etc.. My b/f always told me to feel free being here and that this is my house too, but legally it is not, when I moved in here I had to put up with taking a shower and using a bed that the wife once shared and it made me sick , I got over that a little but in reality it never goes away, I posted a question about my b/f delaying and taking his time with divorce issues, because he is so afraid of her winning over this house, and he is stalling slowly and its tearing me apart. Back to you though, You and him are married and so that means this is YOUR HOME. and you must let his children know by having a heart to heart conversation, just let them know it is still there house, but it also very much belongs to you.
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