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female
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anonymous
writes: Hi,I started my uni course last September while I was going out with my now ex boyfriend. I met a boy on mycourse who I got on really well with and really fancied (despite knowing he had had slept with quite a few grils from uni). Anyway i had a house party and he came, we snogged and my boyfriend found out and because of this and many other problems my boyfriend and i split up. Anyway me and this new guy began to have a kind of affair which included sex. It carried out for a while but never amounted to anything...I finally made my feelings clear that i wanted a relasionship with him but he told me he wasnt over his ex and was scared of getting hurt so I decided to move on. But he was still being really nice to me , taking me for dinner, being caring etc.We recently had a 4 week break from uni in which he contacted me every day and telling me how much me missed me and at one point saying he loved me! And now we are still sleeping together and spending alot of time together after 6 months, but he still won't ask me out! I so confused, I really like him and it's geting to me that he wont commit to something more stable. What should I do?!
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affair, his ex, move on, split up Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2006): If he is giving you confusing signs then he could be telling you the truth that he isn't over his x-girlfriend. If this is so, he shouldn't be having sex with you and you shouldn't be having sex with him.If you want to be with this guy, you need to give him some space for him to get over his x. If you don't, you'll become part of the breakup problem and whilst he's confused he'll never be able to respect your feelings and give you what you really want.
A
female
reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx  +, writes (25 April 2006):
 I think if you want commitment and he won't give it to you, you need to move on. Guys like this want the best of both worlds, they like the single life when it suits them but they also like a 'back-up' plan when they're bored. I don't mean this to sound nasty but you need to wise up and let him know, it's all or nothing!! He's just using you.
If I am wrong, and he is a genuinely nice guy with a few issues, then I apologise but he still isn't providing you with what you need or want. If you want a proper relationship, you have a right to be happy and have what you want. If he's not the one, he's not the one, someone else will make you happy.
Just a quick point though; you say his excuse is that he can't get over his ex? But you also say that he has slept with lot's of other girls at uni? These aren't really the actions of someone who is mourning for a past lover, more of someone just wanting to have some fun!! Don't be one of those silly girls that allows a guy to take her for a ride like that.
I hope this has helped, good luck, I hope you make the right decision.
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