A
female
age
36-40,
*by
writes:Please help,I have a child by my first boyfriend. He cheated and left me when I got pregnant. After a year, he came back and we got back together. After six months together,I left him for because he did not call me for weeks. I have a new boyfriend who shows me he loves me; and I have strong feeling for him too. but he is 10 years older than I am and he likes knowing where I am every second. It is very hard for him to buy me a birthday gift even when he is very capable. We are planning on getting married, but I am afraid because my ex-boyfriend still wants to be with me. My Family hate my ex for leaving me with the baby; but they do not like my new man because is too protective of me and they feel he is overruled. He is a very lovely guy but he lies about everyday things that pissed me off. We are planning on getting married. please help
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (20 November 2013):
 I vote for NONE OF THE ABOVE...
An older man who is controlling is NOT a good idea... if you marry you will eventually become a prisoner.. and he will probably mandate what you wear and keep you away from your disapproving family.... I've seen it a million times...
do not marry him... you will either end up divorced of if his "protectiveness" continues possibly even in the future DEAD....
as for the baby daddy... get court ordered child support and walk away from him too.
you do not need liars or cheaters in your life
you do not need a man in your life at all and certainly not one that lies, or cheats, or tries to control you or your behavior...that's the FIRST level of abuse.
why can't you and baby be alone for a bit?
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (20 November 2013):
 On behalf of your family.... may I suggest that you change "....too protective..." to "controlling".... and let that "tell" you why they think that guy No 2 is a creep...
Meanwhile... guy No 1 as nothing to write home about, either.
Why don't you consider staying away from BOTH of these characters for a while... and see how you life goes?????
Good luck.....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2013): Just be single. You don't need a man to help define you, neither of those guys sound at all appealing!
You obviously have a supportive family who have told you their concerns. I would arrange somewhere to go and get someone from your family to come to you and accompany you when you leave you current boyfriend. If he's as controlling as he sounds he won't let go easily and may let you walk away but could pester and pester you about coming back.
Do not go back to either. Think of your child. If you stay in a failing relationship then you teach your child the old belief women are to be submissive little ladies, you need to show your child how to be independent and strong and you can only do that by setting the example yourself.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (20 November 2013):
 Seems like NEITHER would be my answer.
The new guy is controlling and tries to micromanage you.(Not sure what you mean about he can't buy you a birthday present)If you marry him this behavior of his will only intensify. He doesn't trust you, that is why he wants to know where you are 24/7. NOT a good thing to marry someone that doesn't trust you and honestly, you mention no where that you ACTUALLY love this guy. Only that you have strong feelings. My guess is you are not really over baby-daddy, but dating the older guy because you want a family for your child.
Even your family are hesitant in liking him.
The ex/baby-daddy - well he's left you high and dry while pregnant and then thinks it's OK to not call you for week, not a great match either. Neither a good father.
So CAN you take care of yourself and the baby without a guy in the picture? Figure out exactly what you want?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2013): At present it doesn't sound like you need either guy in your life right now if you can help it - especially if you still have your family around for supportYour family want what's best for you and they are seeing red flags with this new guy. To be honest, I'm seeing them too...You describe this guy as "protective" when controlling would be a better word. Someone who needs to know where you are and what you're up to all the time has other issues than just "caring too much".Someone who lies about "everyday things" - you can be damn sure that he'll lie his head off about serious things too. Constant lying is an attempt at constant manipulation and you don't want to be manipulated.Looking at your age category, at 10 years older than you, this guy is not just suffering from "post-adolescence" The fact that he's controlling at the age of nearly 40 means that this is a pattern of behaviour which is unlikely to change.... in fact, I think he'll become more controlling of you as time goes on.I seriously think you should not be considering marrying this guy. Listen to your family
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