A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone I have been with my boyfriend 3 years we had a bavy girl 10 months ago I have now realised how lazy my boyfriend is he does nothing to help me with our daughter even after a emergency c section I have done everything I clean the house I cook I go shopping and look after our 10 month old all on my own.He goes to work which he admits he does nothing while he's there comes home has tea and goes out to one of his mate's houses leaving me to do the washing up and everything else I asked him to go to the shop last night for some milk for our daughter. He waited Half hour till the shop was closed so he didn't have to go I feel so frustrated because we used to be so happy, now all he does is have a go at me about stupid things What do I do about this situation?thank you Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2015): Please don't have counselling with a partner who is most likely abusive, unless the counsellor is specifically trained in abuse. They are not usually even though they list it in their specialities. They have to be associated with a women's refuge or similar, otherwise their whole training is based on the fact that all problems in a relationship are 50/50 and they aren't if you're in an abusive relationship. It give the man (or the abusive partner) more ammunition because the 'therapist' will be saying that you're partly to blame. I'm not saying that your partner is definitely abusive, but this level of contempt for you and the addition of constantly having a go at you sure sounds like it to me. He will get worse if he actually is abusive, so please only get therapy together if the therapist is affiliated to a woman's refuge or it WILL make things worse.
A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (23 November 2015):
 Sadly he is never going to change.
You need to put you and your daughter first.
Don't clean up after him. You are not his mother and he is not a child.
I agree with Bimbim - you need to tell him straight exactly how you feel, and how his behaviour is impacting on your relationship and the development of YOUR child (emphasise the shared responsibility.
If he throws a strop and refuses to act like a grown up, then you need to stick to your guns and either kick him out or move out yourself. You can then get a court order for child maintenance payments.
The citizens advice service should be able to give you free, impartial and confidential advice to help you, with all the legal issues that might crop up.
https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/relationships/relationship-problems/
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2015): "What do I do about this situation?"
Accept the reality that you've chosen to procreate with a useless sperm donor who has no interest in being a father, making you in effect a single mother.
Stop enabling him. If he's living with you, throw him out. If he's not, then stop waiting on him.
See a lawyer about obtaining a court order of child support. You can't force him to be an active and involved father but you can legally compel him to fulfill his obligation to support his spawn to the furthest extent of his ability to pay.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (23 November 2015):
 Effectively you are doing the work of a single mum, but with an extra person to cook for and clean up after.
The easiest way to lessen your workload would be to tell the boyfriend to move on out until he is ready to step up and be a fully participating member of the family unit.
Advise him he has until this weekend to move his lazy butt out and suggest that one of those mates he prefers to spend his evenings with might have a bed available for him.
Stand your ground, if he insists on staying, tell him he still needs to move out while you and he undertake six months of family counselling, and only after that is completed will he be permitted to move back in.
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