A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:This is something that has been bothering me for quite some time. Girls never seem to have any chemistry for me. I seem to have tremendous difficulty starting any kind of relationship or retaining any kind of interest with girls. People tell me Im good looking, intelligent, interesting, funny, good fun to be with, reasonably confident. I can tease women as well in a playful manner which is always a good thing.Yet after meeting a girl a few times its always the same outcome where they just tell me they're not interested. They'd say there would'nt be any particular reason but they just wouldn't feel the chemistry. The thing is im not clingy or needy and dont message or want to meet up with them the whole time. I dont suck up to them and flood them with compliments or buy them things. I dont think I come across as being overly nice and submissive to please them. Im not overly socially reclusive or overly nerdy or geeky. I like to think I have a well balanced set of hobbies and characteristics. I dont think I fall into one of those undesirable stereotypes. And I dont go round like a complete creep in a trenchcoat freaking people out. Im not pervy either. Id rarely mention sex in conversation and never insinuate it. So its not like im giving the impression I only want sex. Where am I going wrong? Im seriously banging my head against the wall here. It seems no matter what I do or how much I've Improved or come along since high school (when I wasnt that good looking, I was shy and had very little confidence a and understanding of dating rules) it makes no difference. This makes me feel terrible. This is an awful situation as I want to live my life. I want to enjoy to enjoy a relationship and have fun and intimacy like any man my age does. But I fear it will never happen. Its quite a serious problem at my age, as Ive only had a few short relationships (lasting 4,5,6 and 2 months). Not great for someone in their mid 20s. Quite often it takes me over a year before I find a new relationship that wont last that long anyway. But id have to go through literally loads of women to find someone who's even half interested in me for a few weeks. Someone once mentioned that Im like one of these guys who's 'Sexually Invisible' which means I have all the right attributes but just not sending the right vibes to trigger the chemistry and those gut feelings. One thing I will say is Im now finding it more and more difficult to make the first physical moves because of my lack of success which isnt helping. What do I do to resolve this issue?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2010): There are many young people out there who are in the same situation, me being one of them. When you look around you and watch tv, read magazines, etc., it seems like everybody is in a relationship or dating. What nobody ever tells you is that there are many, many people, well into their 20s, who have never been in a relationship. That is not surprising, because while people who are dating are usually talking about their relationships to anybody who will listen, people who have never had a real relationship don't exactly brag about it. I believe that finding the right person is not something you do, but something that happens to you. It is dumb luck. So all you can do is enjoy your life until the right person comes along.
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