A
female
age
30-35,
*azz2580
writes:Hi,I'm 19 and have never had a boyfriend or even been kissed. I'm started to wonder if there might be something wrong with me; all of my friends have/have had boyfriends and some of them are beginning to ask me why I've never been out with anyone. I'm not very confident about my looks but I know quite a few people who are shy as well and have still managed to find someone who likes them enough to go out with them, so that's not really an excuse. It's getting a bit upsetting now as even my mum keeps telling me to get with someone, she says this practically every time I come home from university, and added to the comments my friends are making, it's getting to the point that I don't want to come home. (No-one at uni asks me why I haven't had a real boyfriend but then they don't know that I never went out with anyone during high school). I try my best to be nice to people and have quite a lot of friends but still no boys seem to be interested in me. I know looks aren't everything, but I've never been told that I'm pretty by anyone except some of my friends, and they're pretty much obliged to say that. My twin brother has had a steady girlfriend since we were 15 and is described as 'the good-looking twin' by various family members. We're quite a close family so I know they don't say things like that to put me down but it can still be upsetting at times, and I can hardly tell them to stop complimenting my brother because it makes me feel like 'the ugly twin' in comparison - that just sounds petty. I'd really appreciate some feedback because I don't feel that I could ask anyone close to me about this. ThanksClairexxxxps forgot to mention, I'm epileptic, though I haven't has a seizure for years because I'm on very effective medication for it. Just wondered if anyone (particularly guys) thought that it would make a difference.
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never had a boyfriend, shy, university Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, wisdomiselusive  +, writes (13 March 2010):
Hi, Claire,
Well, first of all - an English girl at 19 who has'nt been in a relationship yet AT 19, wow - give me your number fast.
You are gold dust girl!
And you are in university - 100 points straight off
AND AND, you have a good stable family life it seems.
Well already I am getting the feeling your problem is not that you have something wrong with you but the problem is YOU DON'T!!!
Confused?
People who are slightly messed up - I mean slightly, instantly become slightly vulnerable in our eyes.
This makes them more approachable.
The 'approacher' becomes less worried about rejection.
They are not frightened by the 'approachee's immanent perfection.
There are a few other complex psychological dynamics at play here, but this is a prominent one.
Compare yourself, intelligently to your peers.
Are they better than you at uni, has your life been better than theirs - better family life, happiness, less setbacks.
Who is the more stable (sorted) one you or your brother?
Although taught otherwise in schools especially in the UK,
people are not all the same - they are not all equal - some are just overall better than others (this does'nt however make their lives easier.
Know the word 'aloof' it is remarkably underrated in our vocabularies.
This might not be your problem - I dont know you well enough.
All I do know is, you have absolutely no reason to feel that there is something wrong with you.
Dont let the nonsense that is insecurity get a hold of you.
Its like getting a rash from lying on grass - completely unnecessary.
As for looks.
Are you plain Jane or plain Claire - this might cause drag for you at your age - BUT IT WONT IN THE FUTURE!
Looks are important to young people - things change for girls and guys as they get older.
I always say beautiful women are so lucky and so, so unfortunate at the same time.
As for the epilepsy - SO WHAT - BIG DEAL
I have a friend, Kate in the UK, she has epilepsy - under control as you do - she's a tiny little thing.
And she became a police officer - battled to get in because of it, but now is a sergeant and doing very well.
Epilepsy would not bother me at all, but I am in my late 30's more mature, although, I still like toys - lol
And, your name means - clear bright, light, famous
Dont know about you - but I see a pattern already.
Good luck Claire - you will be just fine.
Dress a bit more sexy if you wont some action - but make the change slowly and in a calculated fashion.
Find a nice guy to have a fling with - not a player.
This will give you a much healthier spring boarding into the turbulent world of sex.
Otherwise do your homework, analyse and find a nice guy - a bit older than you - who's mature and balanced and just ask him out!
Just do it - you believe in women taking control of their lives dont you?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2010): Hi Claire,
I was in your exact same shoes. I've been teased all my life, I'm overweight, blah blah blah. I was never asked to a dance, didn't go to homecoming or prom, was never taken on a date, or any of that.
And to top it off my mom is a stripper who has dated many...lets just say, famous men. No joke. She's a whore, but she's pretty. And since I've been 12 or so she's been pestering me about why I hadn't had a boyfriend or anything like that. She's flat out asked me if I was a lesbian many times. Truth be told, I'm bi, and I eventually told her this, but that's beside the point.
...I met the love of my life when I was 17; we were penpals and things went from there. He's friggin gorgeous. He plays soccer for a living, 6 pack abs, all of that. Amazing body. Waaay outside my league. And he loves me for who I am, including in bed.
....I never thought it would happen to me. But it did. Just be patient. That's probably not what you wanted to hear but honestly, all things will happen in time.
...............................
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