A
male
age
36-40,
*DB
writes:Me and my gf had been together for almost 2 years. We lived about 50 miles apart and still managed to see each other almost every day. I honestly did everything i possibly could to make her a happy girl. I mean it wasnt a perfect relationship, but i would definitely say it was a good one. The problems are this; she's very insecure and has trust issues due to an ex bf cheating. And sometimes my problem is i got a bit too jealous. So my plan was to move to her town, 50 miles away so we could be closer together. We had talked about this for a long time. The day before I move, she accuses me of cheating, something i would never do. She found an old condom wrapper on my floor, which was from us, and assumed i was cheating becuase it had been awhile since we were together. So she said she couldnt be with me anymore. i was shocked. so i said listen, i am moving there now, are we going to work through this and get back together? or should i not move?... we came to the conclusion we'd work on it and i moved out there. So i live 1 mile away from her now. About a month went by, and we never got back together. I asked her a few times, and she said i dont know. We still were together every day and talked every nite, and were intimate,(everything but sex)during the time, tho we were not offically back together. One day she told me she was going to hang out with a friend that i suspected liked her. Me being frustrated with the situation that i was in, kind of lost it and said, i can't do this anymore. He did turn out to be jsut a freind, but i didnt know that at the time. that nite, i suppose possibly to spite me she went out with some guy she met online. he is 10 years older than her, a known assh*le, and not very good looking either. The next day i said to her, we need to either do this and work it out and get back together, or i am going to walk out of your life. She told me she couldnt be with me right now. I was crushed. I have moved here and changed my life, and given her everything i could, and she said she couldnt be with me anymore. 3 weeks later, we talk and stuff, and we do hang out on ocasion. But this is where things get interesting and i need the advice...She has a thing for the guy she went and saw that nite. They hang out everynite almost. I know he has nothing but bad intentions, but she is a bit naive to that. Other than that, we have talked, and she has told me that she still has feelings for me, and misses seeing and talking to me. So i asked her to start a new relationship with me, and she basicly said i want to just be friends for now. I dont know what will happen in the future. Also, she thought i liked another girl, whom i didnt, and was franticly asking friends if i liked her, and got quite upset at the possibility that i did, yet she exclusively hangs out with another guy who i know she likes. So now I don't know what i should do. I am still madly in love with her. I care about her a great deal. And i know she still has feelings for me. But i do know she likes the other guy too. He's a rebound, and they usualy don't last. Should i just say screw it, and give up?I have been getting so many mixed opinions on this it's crazy. I love her, and feel like i shouldn't give up. I've dont alot of work on myself personaly to try and better myself, and take care of any jealousy or bad relationship traits i had. So what's next? We still hang out a few times a week, and i still feel a connection between the 2 of us everytime we are together, and i know she does too. I am not the type of guy to just go sleep with some random girl to get over her or make her jealous. She means alot to me, and i want to be back with her. I've read tons of books already on the type of situation, and done lots of work on myself according. I've basicly heard/read that I should be over it or at least seem over it to make her feel some sense of loss. But i just dont feel like thats the right thing to do. Please, any help anyone can offer, or any personal experiences that are similar are greatly appreciated. I want to make her see that she shouldn't ignore the feelings she still has for me, and realize that the guy shes been spending time with is just completely the wrong guy.Thanks for reading my novel haha, and thanks in advance for any advice.
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male
reader, CDB +, writes (22 May 2009):
CDB is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo an update...hopefully I can get some advice on this, as its gotten even stranger. Well, my ex told me she really just wants to be friends with me, and asked me to stop flirting with her, cuz she really still has feelings for me and is trying to get over them. I asked why she don't just be with me then, and she said cuz she likes someone else right now and it would be messed up to be with me if she likes someone else. Next she said, I don't know how long it will last with the person I like, but maybe after that we can eventually try again. ...fast forward over that weekend, we spent a bit of time together and had a great time. Then one nite we were talking online and she began to tell me all this stuff she really didn't like about the guy she likes right now. And told me how she appreciated how I was different. Then the strangest thing happened... out of nowhere she said how she wishes we could have sex... not detail further, but 2 nites later wr had sex. Amazing sex at that. I thought everything was starting to get better. And even the next day we met for lunch and had a great time. Later that nite she went back out with the other guy, and when she got home, she basicly told me that she wanted that to be a one time thing. She said after having sex with me her feelings felt like that faded, even tho she said it was amazing, and incredible. ...now I know for a fact that feelings don't just go away like that. Especialy after sex. My thoughts are either, she's just saying that cuz she really is feeling strongly about me, and doesn't want to, or she's just crazy. Or a bit of both. I don't know. At this point she said she just strictly wants to be friends for right now. ...but the other thing she said was this... this is just how I'm feeling at the moment, for all I know my feelings will change, I don't know. Soo that's were I'm at now. I'm kina hurt, cuz having sex with her just seemed like hope, and made me feel so much more for her, and that's why I can't believe that it could make her feelings fade. Does anyone have a take on this situation?? I'm kind of stressing and trying to make some kind of sense of the situation.
A
male
reader, CDB +, writes (13 May 2009):
CDB is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice so far. I appreciate the input. It's hard because even since ive posted this yesterday, we have gotten together on 3 different occasions to hang out. When we are together there seems like there is still a spark there, and we both laugh and enjoy each others company alot. She text messages me at random times to tell me different things that are happening in her day. The mixed signals I get are incredible. As for the guy she has been hanging out with, i try not to know too much about what they do, but i know he's a rebound that she will probably realize is scum. At this point I'm taking it day by day. Maybe one day she will realize she made a mistake, maybe not. The only way to find out right now is to wait.
As far as the first response, yeah i have thought maybe i should just move on, but then when i dont talk to her or something she contacts me, or she will ask if i am mad at her. so thats really confusing.
And as for my 2nd response so far, i like the way you think. I dont want to give up on her. I love her, and i know she still has feelings for me. I just hope that she can come to her senses. And yeah i want to do romantic things for her, but im afraid because i did so much in the past for her, that it will be meaningless at this point.
Thanks again for the responses, and if anyone else can offer their opinion itd be greatly appreciated.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2009): You can't make her like you, and moving to where she was to "solve" a bad relationship was your first mistake, as there were only two options: it would work, or it wouldn't and you have moved for nothing. Unluckily for you, it didn't work out. My ex would have been in your shoes if I hadn't been completely creeped out by him wanting to move to my town when our relationship was ending and I told him in no uncertain terms that he shouldn't bother. In hindsight I'm really glad he didn't. I don't want to be with him, but I didn't hate him and wouldn't want to see him wasting his time on me. I'm sorry your ex wasn't decisive enough to do the same.
As for your girl, SHE IS DATING SOMEONE ELSE. No matter if she asks about you behind your back. Actions speak louder than words--she has moved on, and you need to do the same. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, hello_123 +, writes (12 May 2009):
Hi,
Do Not Give Up!!!!!
Trust is probably the greatest thing to have between two people, and when it's hard to get its hard to keep, but it happened to me.
Don't make youself seem like you've gotten over it, I think that's more arrogant than anything.
When you spend time together, tune out everything else. No work, no cell phone, no TV.
Give her flowers with a handwritten note!
And if you want to go into completley different waters in terms of trust, tell her this (but you also have to stick with it): Tell her that you will trust her regardless of your tricky situation, and that you will support her in any way, even if the decision she makes might be wrong in your eyes, do not do more than advice her. But always support her, even if she thinks she should be with another guy. Yeah this sounds hard and crazy, but it is something not everyone can do, and she will realize that.
Life is what you make it my friend!
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