A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hey. Me and my girlfriend have recently started to go down on each other. Neither of us have gone this far before. We started by me going down on her first, and when I did I used some techniques I found online (using both fingers and tongue, writing the alphabet, etc). It's now been the second time I've been down on her, and although she says she's enjoyed it both times, she hasn't come yet. Both times we have only really had a 40-45 minute time period for it. We are both communicate a lot about this sort of stuff, and although I've been doing everything she's wanted me to, she still haven't came yet. It's pretty discouraging. I'm wondering if there is anything I'm doing wrong. I try my best to have a fair amount of foreplay, but she says she doesn't find it too important, and considering the time limit I've kept it to a minimum. I heard something about women needing to be able to learn to orgasm, is there a chance that that may be the case, considering she hasn't ever had one? And if so, how can I help?I'm looking forward to hearing all of your suggestions, and thank you in advance.
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foreplay, oral sex, orgasm, period Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (28 May 2010):
 First of all, you are awesome for wanting to make it good for her. That is great, and hang in there and keep learning and getting better!
You're right, some women have to learn. The best way for her to figure out how it works is to spend some time with herself learning how to make herself orgasm. It can be self-conscious learning that in front of a partner, and she's thinking about your needs being fulfilled too.
Encourage her to spend some time with herself, and then she can graduate to both of you "flying solo" together, then you two doing it to each other.
She has to learn about herself. You'll need a lot of patience, but it *will* pay off. Remember, I'm assuming you've had a lot of time to "yourself" already, so you know how to tell her to please you.
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