A
female
age
41-50,
*ConfusedChick
writes:My boyfriend of 3.5 years and I broke up about 2 months ago. Last year we went through some tough times, even going to therapy together. All the time he telling me he wanted to marry me and we had the same goals. I dont really believe in living together first, but i even was willing to make the compromse, but after 3.5 years of hering these promises and hopes and waiting, I decided enough was enough and I asked him to either commit to asking me to marry him or let me move on with my life and find someone that not only wants to be married but actually can make the commitment to do so. He just couldn't take the step and we broke up. Two months later I am healing. Basically made it through the holidays with my family and a major bathroom remodeling project to keep me per-occupied. But when the project is over, then what? I know to meet a man who can and will want to meet my needs, I need to date; but honestly, the thought of dating scares the crap out of me. I remember dating before meeting my last boyfriend and it just felt like a never-ending judgement fest. I liked him, he didn't like me or visa versa. I'm pretty shy at first, so ts hard for me to meet people; but I don't want to be single forever. I'm fearful that I've already missed my opportunity to have children (morally I feel a woman should be married first, just how I was raised) and I don't want to go on feeling like I'm missing the things I need, including a partner to share my daily life with and possibly find a way to be a family.So how does a shy, self-conscious woman like me get back out there at 38 and never married?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2013): It's never a good idea to jump into a relationship before you've healed from the last one, so it's healthy that you haven't leapt back into the dating pool yet.
In the meantime, spend time with your friends; start doing something you've always wanted to do but never had time for; and spend some time enjoying your own company. All of these will help fill the void left by your ex; and who knows, you could meet someone new through your new activity.
Hang in there, even if you don't meet the right person quickly, you are going to be fine.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2013): Well the good news is that there are a large pool of men your age in your same predicament. More importantly, however, is that in order to find a good match you first have to be the best you that you can be. You got to start feeling more comfortable in your own skin. Do whatever it takes for you to feel that. If you would feel more comfortable if you shed a few pounds, then make it a goal to go on a diet and exercise more. If you would feel more confident being more intellectual, start reading the New York Times more frequently and books on subjects that you are interested in. Do you need a new wardrobe? Try on and purchase items that keep you looking hip and chic. Maybe even stuff you would never wear before. Get a new haircut and a new style and color. Now I am not suggesting you do anything ridiculous, keep it classic, but freshen up your look, keep it new and exciting. Add color to your life. Right now, forget remodeling your house, it's time to remodel yourself!And learn to laugh at yourself, and take yourself a little less seriously. A sense of humor is the key to happiness and is a very attractive quality. Then when you meet a guy you will feel more confident and you will probably have more to talk about. First work on YOU, so that when you look in the mirror, you like what you see. Then go out and meet guys. At work, through friends, a dating website, coffee shop. Whatever. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (31 December 2012):
I've never internet dated, but it seems to work for a lot of people. However I bet there is a lot more of that judgement that you're not a fan of.
I prefer just getting out there and meeting people, that way you know right away if there is a connection and you don't have to worry about being good enough or whatever else goes through your head.
If you live in a city there are a lot of things you could do, go take dancing lessons, a cooking class, go hiking in a group, etc. etc.
If you live in a small town... uhh... internet dating? I don't know.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2012): You still have a few years hopefully for kids.
I really don't have much to advice you how to start dating, because I ve Been married my whole life, just wanted to sympathize with you about dating scene, as I have plenty beatifull your age girlfriends who have the same issue. Some of them even don't date anymore, as you said tired of same judgement fest.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2012): My friends your age are freezing their eggs as an insurance policy, just in case they meet the right guy alittle too late. That's the first step. Second, go on a dating website and make it clear you are looking to build a family in the near future. You need to meet a guy on the same page - there are some out there. Third, go out there and date.
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