A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I haven't had some very rough times in life but one series of events I am still trying to get back on my feet from and I have never recovered from them since they happened. I was thrown into an opposing and hostile culture when I was in 9th grade and I was accused of a feloney later in high school that I did not commit, similar to what the Duke Lacross players faced in 05 except that it was a non-sexual crime in my case. To make matters worse I have P.D.D. Which is a social disorder that also impares my ability to learn new things quikely. After the event and negative experiences past my self confidence and social skills have been in shattered bits and pices for the last five years and I am not sure which direction I should take to re-build myself. should I become the man I desire to be or the one that the world can accept? My current situation is sincerely depressing and I feel a lot more like a boy than a man right now. I am calm, quite, and overly respectful instead of being loud, crude and belligerent. My casual use of Profanity dose not even go beyond use of hell, and damn when most guys have no problem using the phrases of fagot, niger, cocksucker, f*ck and Goddamnit in regular speech without being aggravated first. It has gotten to the point that my boss has asked me what's wrong with and why I am so quiet and overly respectful and that he was concern there was something wrong. I have never even smoked, been drunk or too a strip club before!! I might event get more satisfaction out of doing community service than those previous things mentioned. What is really vexing me and making me feel like a boy right now is the fact that I have never dated, had a girlfriend or even had sex before despite the fact that I have eight girls/women intensely interested in me in my life. I am REALLY an odd ball guy and I do not meet the criteria of a stereotypical male and I can relate more to the Sammori or Medivile Knight in personality that just can't exist in the real world. Should I dellope a calm, cool, respectful sense of confidence or be a little more dominate and aggressive when dealing with others?
View related questions:
confidence, drunk, my boss, player Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2011): Hi,
First of all I am sorry to hear about your problems that you have experienced over the years.
What you need to do is create a plan of action. The most important thing is in the plan you should not try to make yourself something you feel uncomfortable being. For example a jock, if you are the converse. You say you have had no emotional least sexual contact with women? This is normal for some people.
Are you interested in women? Or do you have leanings towards the homosexual spectrum?
Here is my version of your plan:
1. Think of people you look up to, what personality traits do they have that you would like to replicate?
2. From the list of traits, choose the ones you feel most apply to your actual personality. Set achievable traits. Create a time frame to be doing certain things related to the trait. e.g. For relationships... 0-1months be able to hold conversation with other individuals comfortably. And so on.
3. If this approach doesn't help you then try step 4.
4. See a behavioural psychologist, or hypnotherapist, after studying Psychology A Levels and passing with a UK A+, I would recommend doing it in that order.
5. Before trying to introduce yourself to new social situations, make the desired changes to yourself. It is better to wait until you feel almost perfectly comfortable with who you are before you attack the relationship aspect of life.
6. Plan ahead: Finances; Schedule; Work.
7. Joining a gym, this reaps many benefits. You will get fit and improve that mental image of yourself and the one everyone else sees, plus you will meet people and possibly create friendships.
8. Once relationships are on the cards, turn the attention to these people who like you in that way. See which one attracts you the most. This should not be based purely on looks, but substance. Looks are an added bonus!!!
9. With depression, being diagnosed actually deepens the depression of the individual. If getting up every day is a drag, living is a drag and you cant be bothered with life, then it is most likely depression. If these characteristics aren't fulfilled then. You may just be on a 'purple patch' for feelings.
I really hope this helps. And I am sorry for my essay styled answer but I did do psychology so I tend to waffle.
Good Luck!!!
|
