A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear everyone,I really need your help concerning a girl I have recently met. She's cute, nice and totally a keeper :)Now, we met in a completely neutral context. We were introduced to each other through some friends of my parents because she is currently unemployed and needed job advice. Basically, she was supposed to talk to my father, but he's clueless about this type of stuff, so I took over. I will be honest, I liked her straight from the beginning and really wanted to see her again. Anyway, once week after our initial meeting, I asked her out for a coffee and we met 2 days ago.We didn't know anything personal about each other, so it was like we were meeting for the first time all over again. Of course, I was careful not to bring up any topics related to her job hunting, as this would have sent me directly to the friend-zone. Another problem is that she most probably met with me for networking purposes. I was aware of that and that I had to turn the tables asap. It would have been inappropriate to be too "aggressive" from this first meeting though (could be seen as I am taking advantage of the situation - she has to date me to get my help), so I kept things simple.So, we talked about the usual blabla (how she ended up in this city, what she likes about it, where she sees herself in the future, about becoming more mature with age, about social life, etc). I then suggested to play a kokology game called "the cube" (it's a great conversation filler for first dates and also lets you know more about the other person). Fortunately for me, my readings were all correct (this test made me like her even more as I quickly discovered several aspects of her personality, haha). She was very interested, more involved and smiling, and kept asking me for more. The conversation ended with me installing viber on her cellphone, lol. Dunno if it was a good move or not, but she was delighted and cheerful...For this first date (If you can even call it that), I am not sure that I have managed to build any attraction (probably not). The only real change I saw in her behavior is that she was initially avoiding eye contact (she is quite shy I must say), but she then started looking directly at me towards the middle of the conversation until the end. I don't know if that counts... Guess it simply meant that she felt more comfortable in my presence. So, I don't know whether I have built comfort or *some* attraction during this first date. I tried sending some signals to make her understand that I see her as a potential gf, but I am not sure if she got it (ie: during the cube game, she said she sees the horse with a saddle on it - when I explained to her what it meant, I added "ouch, I will have to be careful with you" - she looked at me curiously then). To be honest, I was not particularly flirty as I wanted to test the waters and see where I stand. I felt it would have been awkward otherwise.Anyway, she likes movies, so I told her we should go to the cinema one of these days and she agreed. Overall, things went ok but next meeting will probably be decisive.I would need some advice on how I could avoid screwing this up. She is totally my type AND single. It would be a pity to let go such an opportunity.My problem is that I am not very good at being touchy and flirty. I usually start off quite well, but then because of these things, I lose my momentum and girls lose interest or friend-zone me in the end. My question is how do I proceed? Any concrete advice about the upcoming movie night? How would you do it?Given that she is super shy, I am afraid she will close herself up if I am too upfront. I also really need to get rid of this label of "networking acquaintance".Do you think this is a lost cause because of the context we met? I wonder if I can even make her like me or if I am just an acquaintance to her... How do I ignite a spark in her?Any piece of advice would mean a lot to me.Many thanks any advance for your help!
View related questions:
flirt, shy, spark Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, 11muds11  +, writes (6 November 2013):
I hope this is not too late.Mate, first of all quit worrying if she likes you. She does. Otherwise she would not have agreed to go to the movies with you after you met at a coffee shop. So please stop thinking like that.You're not great about being forward with girls. She's very shy. Seems like a great match to me. Third. She knows you like her. So you need to stop worrying about that. Maybe previous girls used that excuse with you to get out of awkward conversations after dates. Women are way too perceptive.The fact that you don't move to fast may be perfect for her as she's shy. But I would use the same technique that a woman uses on a man that she likes, but doesn't want to bed him right away. Encourage but don't tease, in a male way.So let her know that you like her, but at your own pace. But keep doing the little things, and let her have fun and relax with you. If you concentrate on her, instead of your worries, I mean really concentrate, this will turn her on naturally. Then when you feel she's comfortable, ask if you can take her hand. All shy women I know, seem to like that as the first move. It helps a shy girl feel confident in her guy.When you both feel comfortable around each other, then it'll be easier to flirt with her.That's what I know to help out with a shy girl.Hope this helps. Good luck.
|
