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female
,
anonymous
writes: Hello there - I am typing this after yet another failed relationship! I am nearly 35 and can't seem to meet anyone to settle down with. I'm attractive, fun, have a wide circle of friends and generally love life, but after one failed relationship after the other, I'm starting to panic that I won't meet anyone and I won't have children (I can't bear to face the facts). I am only just single after deciding I would rather be on my own than stay with my difficult and controlling boyfriend. I'm not desperate and don't dislike anything about myself, I like who I am and am very popular. I just can't find that special one and thinking that I had an abortion 6 years ago makes me freak even more. Any advice - I lie awake most nights with so much on my mind.......
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everyone for all your comments - I will certainly take them all on board. I have had many relationships, the love of my life died when we were travelling when I was 22, I went on to have a 6 year relationship with a guy who was selfish and immature and then on to a guy with too many issues who tried to control me! I do think I need to relax and at 34 still realise I have chance to meet someone special and have a family. I think I need to stop being the centre of attention when I go out, everyone expects me to be the party animal who always gets the party started, I need to cut down on the wines when I go out perhaps !! I just feel a bit of a failure compared to all my content friends - I have so many god children .. I long for what they have - but i also need a partner who makes me laugh and feel secure... Maybe I want too much!
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2008): Hey!
Maybe part of your problem is your unwillingness to look at your own issues? You seem very confident, maybe a tad too confident? Do you come across as intimidating or 'too cool' when you first meet people? This might be why youre attracting people who arent inthe palce emotionally that you would like to be, eg settling down and having a family.
That said, dont change who you are to please other people!!
I dont want to sound harsh, im just trying to help!
And dont worry and panic abotu these things, you could always look into freezing your eggs so that you can extend your fertile lifespan, and when you are ready for a baby have a younger, healthier egg waiting for you! But if you want to go that route, look at it asap, as there is an age cut off, which depending on the country youre in is 35 or 40!
Just some thoughts!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2008): I am 36 and stuck in the middle of two messy relationships and cannot seem to make anything work. I also fear that life is passing me by but deep down I don't feel I am on the shelf yet its just social pressure. When you start feeling this way you give off those vibes and I think men can tell. I am going to spend some time on myself and try and refresh my life inf all areas. I recommend you get counselling if any past actions are deeply affecting you. I have done this and it is helping me let go. At least you and I do not have miles of baggage and have split children up from parents etc I am not judging others but we have some positive starting point.
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A
female
reader, Cateyes  +, writes (16 October 2008):
 First of all, don't panic! I understand EXACTLY what you are saying and I am even older then you. I'm 42. Failed marriage by the time I hit 30, and 2 other relationships that failed as well...repeat of number 1 and you would have thought I'd had learned!!! I am not desparate either and I do consider myself a very special and great "catch"..but the way I see it, I won't settle for just anyone. I believe in love, not who wants to be with me for what I have or can do for them. I wanted kids so bad, but for me it just was not in God's plan...or that's how I see it. I would have adopted myself, but for all the single women out there and hearing their frustrations scared me to tell you the truth so I never did. And Lord knows my hats are off to all the single/divorced women who have kids and raise them. Now at my age, I am very content with my life and if God decides to send the right man to me, he just might have a few kids. Who knows? I no longer search like I used to...I mix and mingle as much as I can and hopefully meet Mr. Right one day. I no longer am upset because I didn't have kids, I just see it as it was not meant to be.
If you really want to have one now, you can adopt...lots of wonderful children out there who would love to be loved. You can "just" have one...but not sure if that is something you really would want to do and not fair to the birth father unless agreed.
My only thought is to pray, ask God to bring someone in your life and ask for what you really want. Nothing ever happens when WE want it...always remember that. And don't search thinking is it that guy...believe me, a guy will think your desparate. Do things you would never do..go places you would never go...do them alone. You never know who you might meet. Sometimes its good to make new friends...because you just never know.
Good luck...and many best wishes to you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2008): hi..
well, firstly if youre not happy in a relationship-dont make it work for the sake of it.
be independent! theres loads of women your age nowadays who dont have children.
consider your options...maybe its the men you pick? think about the qualities they lack? and the qualties you want in them..also think about your prospects..have goals and try and meet them.
neva say neva...your ideal man may be around the corner!
have you considerd going to a sperm bank? sounds silly..but loads of women do it!...would you be prepared to be a single mum...have you got fam and friends who can support you?
you could adopt???
having an abortion so many years ago has obviously left its mark on you. But dont think that was youre only chance to have a baby-youve got plenty of chances ok! dont feel guilty or bad...whatever has happend has happend for a reason.
love and god bless ...
friend xx
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