A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My brother is a really shy guy who doesn't like to go out much. He is a cutie pie and I wish he could be around more girls cause he has the looks. He is just too shy for his own good. Well, lately he has been talking to a woman online who I am afraid he is becoming very obsessed with. He is 20 years old but she is 29 years old. They have meet a couple times and when he went there he brought her all these gifts. Luckily, she brought him something. It was only one small gift but I guess it was better than nothing. He guards it now like it's the Holy Grail. Anyway, they talk on the phone every now and then but he isn't great with words so he loves talking to her on the internet. I'm very concerned because the family really has no idea what she is talking to him about. I know if he was in a relationship in person, we wouldn't either, but his behavior just concerns me. He wants to spend every waking second on the computer or texting her and he rarely wants to spend time with friends. If we see him with anything new, like a book or a DVD, chances are she has mentioned it and so he wants to read it or see it. One of our sisters needed to borrow his computer because hers had a problem and I guess she found a document on his computer of sexual conversations that two of them have had. I guess it was very much her saying very sexual things to him and him kind of saying "Oh I like that!" So he wasn't really saying anything dirty back mostly her saying dirty things to him. I feel like I might be being an old lady worrying about him. But he isn't really experienced with women and I think a woman who is almost 30, talking sexually to him, and paying him all this attention has sent his head spinning. I think if she asked him to jump off a bridge, the poor boy would! There are good parts, like him trying to get a really good job. He was stuck in nothing job but since he's met her online he wants so badly to make more money. I assume so he can try and show her that he can take care of her. Am I just being silly? Is this just as normal as an relationship in person? I have this fear that she is some sexual charged up older woman who is just enjoying messing with an innocent boy. But I also wonder if this is a good thing for a young guy who wouldn't met a woman probably any other way. My whole family wants him to stop talking to her but he seems so happy, I don't know if that is right.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (17 December 2009):
 I understand how you feel, but he is old enough to make his own mistakes. She might be one, she might not.
Sooner or later it will either fizzle out or be something real.
The more you push for him to end it, the more he will fight to keep it.
I doubt he would jump of a bridge, but let him have his "love-affair".
As for the sex talk between them, well I see no shame in that either. ( unless she is married then shame on her.)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2009): He's 20. Let him live, he's adult now so what he doesn't really isn't any of your business. You could however ask to meet her and say you are curious to meet his girlfriend. Arrange an online meeting or something. And be happy for him!
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A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (17 December 2009):
He's your baby brother but he isn't a baby anymore. Let him carry on with his life, its his private business. Let him deal with it and don't tell him what to do. The best thing to do is stop judging him, so that you keep lines of communication open with him so that he can come to you for comfort after the inevitable break up. Its just a phase and when its over he will be wiser and will do better next time. My brother once also dated an older woman when he was 18. He spent every cent he had on her and even found a job at Macs. After a few months the relationship ended and he saw for himself how silly he was. I understand your panic because we were all upset but these things don't usually last.
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A
male
reader, RAINORFIRE +, writes (17 December 2009):
 you sound like your close to your brother i have alot of siblings and i stay in all of there business you gotta look out for family i think your doing the right and it is your business becuse its your brother i would say just try to keep and eye on things try to get his trust so that hell tell you whats going on ive had to do the same thing with sisters and ive caught plenty of there bf cheating i think you should protect your bf from an online cougar 20 may be grown but its not wise and im not to sure about theese online relationships they seem to be based on lies and deciet play it cool see if you can some how meet this woman if shes even a woman
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2009): he's already 20, legal age..let him explore, and have a life of his own, its his life...dont bother him. its ok..its ok.
just make sure when everything else fails, be there for him if he will need you in the future.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2009): Your brother is 20 years old and has the right to his own choices and feelings. It's none of your business to be honest and sounds like only good things are coming as a result of his connection with his online lady so get a life and leave him alone. I think you are focusing on his siutation because you have nothing better to do with yourself.
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