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*ero1861
writes:A married guy who is a former suitor of my wife still claims he loves my wife and have been telling her and their common friends about this. My wife does not love this guy but has a sympathetic attitude towards him and treats him as a special friend especially after learning that he continues to love her after more than 30 years. Yes this guy started courting my wife when they were classmates in elementary up to high school and only stop pursuing her when she intentionally hurt his feeling just to get rid of him so he will not waste his time. But actually she has nothing against the guy except that she cannot force herself to love him even though he likes him as a person. Recently they had a class reunion in a beach with only former classmates and no spouses should come along. During this reunion for two days, the guy had opportunity to flirt with my wife openly, like touching her hands and shoulders, kissing her cheeks, necks and shoulders but never in the lips. And on the flight back he saw to it that he is seated beside her and let her head rests on his shoulder and put her hand on his thigh. And upon arrival when she was on the car he called her to tell her he still really loves her from the bottom of his heart. He even told her that since he cannot have her now he will wait for her in next life and my wife just nod because she does not want to hurt him even though she has told me she still wants me in the next life if there is one. The guy seems responsible enough to say that he also values his wife and children and would not risk hurting them and that he admits I am the better guy for her (my wife) and would leave it like that. My wife told me everything what happened at the reunion and admtted that she allowed him to flirt because she was awed by his undying love after all those years. Anyway it is me that she loves so I have nothing to worry about. My question is did my wife commit some impropriety by allowing a former suitor to flirt with her openly? When I was told about this I did not feel jealous since I am secure with the love of my wife. I am just confused of what is the correct attitude in this kind of situation. I know the guy myself and feel he is a decent and likeable fellow. In fact I even told her I feel proud that I have a wife who can still get that kind of attention from another guy which only shows she must have an extraordinary personality. I am basically an open-minded person so I told my wife I will not restrict her if she wants an emotional (as opposed to physical) affair with the this guy assuming she derives happiness out of it. Or am I encouraging her to play a dangerous game?
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reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (22 November 2007):
 This guy is a threat to your marriage. It does not matter if your wife loves him back or not. She wants to stay friends with a married man that openly tells all he is in love with her. At best, she is loving the drama and attention of this. At worst, it is a red flag becuase you are way to passive about it.
Emotional affairs will turn physical under the right circumstances, and it is EASE to create those circumstances.
Are you ready for an open relationship with your wife? If that is were you are headed, please read everything you can about polyamory and swinger culture.
-Frank B Kermit, alternative relationship counseling at franktalks.com
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reader, Ponungalungb  +, writes (22 November 2007):
 I don't know if there is a "correct attitude" regarding your situation. Allowing your wife to keep an "emotional affair" with this guy could open a door that's better left closed. It's flattering to your wife that someone finds her appealing, but it's in the best interest of your relatioship (and the suitor's relationship with his family) for your wife to nip it in the bud. This guy needs to back off and your wife needs to tell him.
Good luck.
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