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*ddie
writes: I have a question and I hope Irish49 replys again.(others too) It was about my wife being out and a man approaching her and hanging out for a while. She made it clear she was married and not to get the wrong impression. He said that was fine and he liked to meet new people and talk. She said after the initial approach by him he in no way put any pressure on her or did anything inappropriate. She said he ended up being a really nice guy and interesting too. This made me jealous. I asked if he was handsome and she said he was. I told her he still had the same thing on his mind he was just going to try a different approach. She told me she's not stupid and knows where to draw the line. It bothers me that the attention might have felt nice to her, perhaps flattering, although I'm sure that is common and normal. I didn't like tha fact that she sounded like she really did find him to be nice and enjoyed talking to him. This seems to me to be on the verge of flirting. Here is my question. If a woman knows a man is or was interested in her until she let him know she was unavailable, can the conversation be "just" casual after that? It seems to me that the cat is out of the bag. The woman must know that it's not just "innocent" conversation because she knows his original intention. I also suppose woman are accustomed to this type of situation and know how to handle it in a polite manner. My fear/insecurity was that if she thought he was nice she might let her guard down and he would see that as a weakness and put pressure on her. Since we've been married 20 years I was afraid the flame was flickering a little between us and she seemed so charged up while telling me about her vacation. I asssumed it must have been him or the attention she got that made her feel good. By the way, she says I'm crazy and have nothing to worry about. She has never given me a reason not to trust her. Ever! I was however feeling unappreciated and undesirable to her as she doesn't have a strong sexual desire. I thought maybe this guy was able to make her feel young and vibrant again and perhaps I'd lost that ability since she wasn't very sexual with me.Help!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2005): Hi,
I recieved your question and thank you. In response to the below:
"do you think once the cat is out of the bag about the guy being interested in my wife, the conversation can ever go back to just "casual/innocent", as my wife said it did. I'm thinking yes, or else women would never be able to converse with 99% of the men they meet"
Like your wife, I used to think it was innocent. But in reality, it never was. Men think differently..they like the hunt-the challenge. Women forget this fact and ignore it. He made his intent known to her, in the beginning. Your wife can think it might be just a'casual/innocent' thing, but she could be fooling herself. The point is, if he's intriqued with her, he still wants more than a friendship. Tell her to be careful with this 'friend'-it's a jungle out there. A good way for her to tell if he wants more, is his very subtle sexual innuendo in many things, he says and does. Discreet flirting and light touching are good indicators.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2005): It sounds like she isn't really interested in him because a married woman who flirts with other men is somewhat rude and very disrespectful to her partner. If you asked her to refrain from talking to him because it hurts...she should do so. If the situation was reversed, just make sure you "would do it for her!" It sounds like she is enjoying your jealousies and she's milking it for all it's worth. Keep your self-confidence and ignore the situation and this 'casual" friend will fade away. Sounds like your wife likes to play hurtful mind games with you. I'm wondering why?
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2005): Your wife's friendship with this man sounds innocent enough, but i'm wondering if she may have went too far with talking about it and this has made you feel insecure and undervalued in your marriage. And when one partner plays with the other's emotions, that's unfair as someone always gets hurt. You need more reassurances from her. You are her best friend but you are also her husband and you sound like you have been pained deeply. I would sit her down and tell her that. After you do this-understand it's time to let this go. I know it makes you are sad but your jealousies are going to drive a wedge in your marriage. However, she's allowed to make her own choices on who she talks with. She was honest with you...I commend her for that. This is a time to remember how much you trust her, you respect her and you honor her. And she should be doing the same for you. Put this situation in the past and remember, there is no grace and comfort like committed, married love. As for her sexual libido, maybe she's due for a complete physical. Both women and men experience 'dry spells'. It could be medical. She should make an appointment with the family physician. Good luck
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