A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Yesterday was D-day for me. I'm so broken. My wife has been sexting for 2 months w/my best friend (who is married) and they arranged to meet twice in a parking lot to have sex in the last month. They started using Instagram msg discretely to communicate and deleted everything. I suspected it and caught them msg'ing right in front of me. I was actually there with him when he text her about sex and she said she is heading in to take a shower and join her. She denied everything. He told his wife the truth. She started with it was only sexting then finally yesterday admitted to the physical part. She seems to have come clean on all the details and answer all my questions. including sex positions. It was so painful to hear and don't think I can ever look at her the same. We've been so happily married for 15 yrs w/2 amazing children 10 and 12. She said it was for attention, she was vulnerable and he took advantage of that. I can't stop crying. The A is over, he is a handyman with nothing so his wife kicked him out. only some tools and a truck. We just built a $1M home and have lots of assets...so my wife claims the A is over and seems remorseful. I'm sorry to say but parking lot sex forces me to look at her as some slut I never knew. I have a hard time look at my kids faces and crying to know that pain this is going to cause. I came from a catholic family w/six kids and faith and family is everything. She is an only child who's dad left for another women when she was 2. I've read articles on this site and other sites. Its so helpful. I'm really only concerned about the best choice for my kids and I feel so concerned that its to stay here w/her for them. I'm worried about things becoming humdrum as so far things have been great with my kids recently.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2022): Just to add to what others have said. Her dignity is no longer there, she met a guy with only a van to his name to have sex in a parking lot? I'd be tempted to look at her in the same light as you. There's affairs and there's just plain vulgarity.Now that i've said that, only you can decide but we can help to put things into perspective to help you make some decisions here. 1. If you haven't already, dump your so called 'best friend', block his number and all social medias and leave his sorry ass in the van he deserves. The fact that he went for your wife suggests he has always been jealous of your fortune and wanted to spoil the nice set up. The fact that he has no doubt smiled at your children and said 'hello' to them whilst breaking up their family is disgusting.2. What do your kids say about their Mother being gone? Are they okay with it? Do they know about the affair etc? 3. Is your wife begging forgiveness? Does she want to come home? Where is she currently staying? Could it be that she only wants to come home because of the nice home rather than the run down van she has ended up with? If so, then this is no reason to take her back. Whatever you decide, make it clear that you Have boundaries and this has overstepped them. I'd be tempted to at least take a break from the marriage for a few weeks and leave her wherever she is if only to get that message across.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2022): As a 14m and a kid, I say stay for the kids, at least until they are adults. Do not trust her. Just be civil and let her know it is not about her anymore, just the kids. If she has remorse and proves herself over time, you just have to decide if you are going to forgive her or not. Even if you do forgive because you sound like a decent guy, it will be hard to forget and only time will prove if you can get over it and she can prove herself faithful. The easy road is divorce, but if you are catholic that is not a good option. I am note catholic but my girlfriend and her family are and that is what i understand from them about catholics. I think my GF would remind you to pray. I wish I knew more what to say, dude. Dont regret being a good guy. The bad guys will answer for it all some day.
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A
male
reader, kenny  +, writes (6 June 2022):
 I sorry that you are going through this, I can't imagine how difficult this must be for you.
I think that once the trust barrier has been broken in a relationship its very difficult to come back from. If you did take her back do you feel that you would ever be able to trust her again?. This is the result when someone is unfaithful, it leaves the other person always suspecting their every move, are they where they say they are?. And this is not healthy, not for you or anyone.
If she never got caught would it still be going on?.
You and you alone can only decide if you want to keep her in your life and to try to work this out.
Your right, your main concern is for your children, but would staying with her really be good for them if you are unhappy and the marriage becomes rocky?.
Personally I would seek some legal advice to see where you stand, and don't tell her what you are doing.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (6 June 2022):
 Talk to a lawyer, talk to your priest.
Only YOU can decide if you WANT to keep her in your life. And IF you do, how to move forward.
If you don't want to stay with her, maybe SHE needs to move out and you file for primary costudy.
So often we hear women (mainly) say that when they had an affair they were taken advantage of. It's an excuse. Not a reason. Yet, they STILL made the choice to cheat. There are so many steps from the first flirty messages, to meeting up, sending pictures, to planning where and when to have sex. So many steps where EITHER of them could have stopped and thought about what they were doing and what COULd happen.
I think SHE is banking on you wanting to keep your marriage and thus her.
She claims she is remorseful. Ok. Is that because she got CAUGHT?
What has she offered as far as a remedy to "Fix" what she did?
Can she rebuild the lost trust and respect YOU have lost in her?
Because how CAN you trust her? How can you respect her?
What CAN she offer you and the kids now?
If I were you I'd talk to a lawyer and then a priest. If you decide to work on the marriage, marriage counseling, and individual counseling for HER (especially).
There is absolutely NO guarantee she won't do this again.
I'm so sorry you are in this position. I wish you the best.
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