A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So my wife and I have been married for only about a year and six months. And just this last summer we had split up over a fight. The break up lasted about three months. And I'm having a hard time getting over what we discussed when we got back together. She told me that she started sleeping with the neighbor as soon as I left. (Which she says only lasted about two weeks) But then she said she got board with him and started sleeping with a guy that she works with. Now I've already gotton over that much. But what really gets me is that she did several sexual things with the guy she worked with that she wouldn't even with me! We actually talked about it before the break up and I told her what I liked and she flipped out on me and gave me crap for it. But now when she is just sleeping with a guy and work and not even in a relationship with him she's fine with doing it with him. I'm having a really hard time accepting this and it's affecting our relationship, my job, and I don't know how to fix this. Can anyone help?!?!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2009): plse have more respect for yourself. your wife certainly doesn't. she has betrayed her marriage and you and you just accept it. you are not her doormat. your wife has disrespected you now for too long. when is it all going to end. when she finishes f*cking everyman she wants. you are just accepting her. where are her morals, her dignity. do you honestly want to spend the rest of your life with someone so low, that has no qualms about just sleeping and engaging in explicit sexual acts with others but not you. by allowing her to get away with all this it means that you are tolerating her betrayal. are you? if you just accept everything then you only have yourself to blame for this situation.step up, be a man and be counted. DO NOT TOLERATE such disrespect from her. if you do then sadly the old saying is YOU DESERVE WHAT YOU TOLERATE. i am hoping that you know what the right thing to do here. plse end it with this woman. she doesn't deserve a decent man like you. there are plenty of decent women who would love to meet a decent man like you. your wife, well as for her, she knows what she wants and sadly it is not you. it will hurt you for a while but you will get over her. plse find someone who will actually start respecting you and loving you for yourself.
A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (8 May 2009):
 Its clear here you got married too young - you cannot "break-up" when you are married, you have made vows to be together for the rest of your lives in bad times and good. She clearly isnt mature enough to fully commit to you and in reality, she should have never married you. The fact that she did some things sexually with another guy that she wont do with you is irrelevant - you are over-looking the fact that basically your wife has been cheating on you!
So you have a choice - you can either continue in this charade of a marriage where you will more than likely carry on breaking up, making up, and then finding out all the fun she has been having in this short space of time that you were apart. If she really loved you and wanted to be a good wife to you then she would want to work on your marriage instead of jumping into bed with the first man she can find when times get hard.
So your other option is to try and talk to her, and if this doesnt work then there is only one way out - divorce. Now I rarely suggest to people that they give up on a marriage because I believe that people give up too easily these days however in your situation, where your so called wife is sleeping around, I dont actually believe you have anything worth fighting for. She is not putting in the effort required to make a marriage work, and you cannot force her to be ready to commit and settle down with you. You put a ring on her finger and even this has not made her settle down - there really is nothing more you can do!
This girl does not love you nor does she have any respect for the sanctity of marriage. Therefore you are not in a position where you can do anything to fix this. Maybe marriage councilling might work for you both, or maybe if she sees a therapist to try and work out why she feels the need to get sexual gratification from other men whilst she is married to you. That could help, but I significantly believe that this is something she will grow out of, in maybe 5-10 years time. So can you put up with 5-10 years with an unfaithful wife? And with no guarantees that she will choose you at the end of it?
I hope this gives you something to think about and good luck!
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A
female
reader, deejuliet +, writes (8 May 2009):
 Barring the fact that it was innappropriate for her to jumping in the sack with ANYONE, I agree with Anonymous.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2009): Maybe it's not true that she did these things and that she's just saying it because she knows for a fact it will hurt and confuse you. Afterall if you discussed it before you broke up and she knew it was something you wanted to do she would know now that it would annoy you if shesaid she did it with him!!
Or maybe when you broke up she was angry and to spite you she did these things with someone else even though she didnt want to, almost as a way of getting back at you.
Or maybe after you raised the issue she became curious about doing those things so tried it or 'experimented' on someone else. She might have thought that if she gave in and tried it with you and didn't like it that since she'd done it once you'd expect it again so it was safer to try it with someone casual.
If shes still refusing to do these things with you now, these would be good explanations, afterall why would she refuse to do something with you that she actually enjoyed? probably because a. it didn't actually happen and she is or was trying to get back at you or b. because she did try it and she didn't like it!
I'm presuming that you havent already asked her why? If not then you definately should! x
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