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age
41-50,
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writes: i have a problem, now i am married i love my wife,i never hurt her feelings.i never lie to her,but i had an ex girlfriend, i had mentioned about our relation to my wife.Now my wife wants to know what kind of relation did i had with her, like love making and all. i told her past is past i don't want discuss all those things. but she repeatedly reminds me about my past and i am fed up.i cant tell every thing to her about lovemaking now when i go to my office she opens all diaries and start reading my personal information how do i stop this. and i know she is spying on me. i am not cheating her at all. but she thinks i am cheating her.please help
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2014): Write her a letter and tell her how much you love her. How she is the best thing that's ever happened to you. Tell her why you married her. All the things you love about her. Tell her how the years you've been together have been the best years of your life and how you look forward to a beautiful future together. No one in the past present or future can come in between you too. Tell her how it hurts you when drags up the past. How will not revisit it because you only care about your future. At the end of the letter write how if she has any doubts about your feelings to read this letter and to think about the good life you have together. *Frame it and hang it in your bedroom * every time she brings up your past. Hand her the framed letter and walk out of the house. Go for a walk or a drive. Do not answer her questions, nothing good will come from it. Do this every single time she brings it up and she will stop bringing it up. Nothing you can say will alleviate her worries. All you can do is walk out and let her reflect whether answers about your past ate worth thus much stress in your relationship.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2014): Why did you wait to tell her about your ex-girlfriend after she became your wife? Were you provoking her?
Why'd you mention it at all, since you neglected to bring it up through dating, courtship, and engagement period without doing so? You've opened a Pandora's Box, and now you've discovered something about her she neglected to mention to you. She's a crazy jealous and paranoid!
Make her sign an agreement that she will behave herself if you gave her some details of your past. She is your wife, and there should be no secrets between you. She just wants to know if you still have the hots for your ex. The weird thing is; she wouldn't know if you quoted the script from an old porn movie, "50 Shades of Gray," or an old soap opera episode. The story could be totally fictitious; and she would most likely create her own mental-version of it all anyway.
Unreasonable childish people have to know there are consequences to undesirable persistent actions. Put her on notice that you'll consider marriage-counseling, or that she'll have seek therapy by herself. Since she's the one bent out of shape. It's just a matter of time before this all comes to head, and you'll end up leaving her. People who behave like that don't listen to reason.
Tell her something about it, but not without her signing an agreement; and she has to face a serious penalty, if she decides to continue to act like a teenage brat. Needless to say, hounding and nagging is going to damage your marriage anyway. Jealous people sabotage their relationships; because they are often guilty of the very things they're suspicious of. The fact she is going through your things and behaving so badly may be an indication she is suffering from mental-illness. There may be a few secrets she has kept from you!
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (22 November 2014):
 She sounds insecure. I wouldn't read a whole lot into this. She may be going through a very unstable time and wants to know you will never leaver her. Try to tenderlapproach the subject with her about the past and tell her it would only be hurtfull and nothing good could posibly come from rehashing old ghost stories. The take her out to an expensive resturant and tell her how much she eans to you.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (22 November 2014):
 Sometime, when things are calm at home.... you sit her down and say to her:
"Hunchy-Bunchy, you know that I've had at least one woman friend in the past... and you've asked me about details of what went on between us.... even INTIMATE details.... Can we agree that what's passed is passed? .... and that you will no longer ask such questions of me... just as I will ask no such questions of you. OUR FUTURE is yet to happen,.... and we can make it a delightful future.... UNLESS.... you don't drop this creepy search in to my past. IF you choose NOT to do so (drop your jealous queries)... then you need to plan on how you are going to handle such a "question" with your NEXT husband.... because, IF I don't have your assurance that you are going to discontinue your snooping and questioning.... THEN you are no longer going to have me for a husband.... AND, in about five minutes you are going to find yourself divorced and homeless - outside "OUR" door.... because that's where I am going to send you. IS THAT PERFECTLY CLEAR? Am I hearing you say, "Yes, that is so..?" "
That should put the matter to rest. No man (or, woman) should endure a grilling by their "current" partner relative to ANYTHING that occurred in their past..
Good luck....
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