A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I know there are other answers of similar variety, but I want to include my details to see what others may think. First off, my wife had a crush on this guy when she was in high school. I guess she tried to be with him, but he gave her the "I only like you as a friend and don't want to ruin it" routine. She tells me nothing ever happened between them. So, I'm in the military and got orders back to her hometown, about 15 years after this friendship with him. I guess she found him on MySpace and they started catching up. They started texting a few times a day, and I started to have a problem with it when we would be on date night at a restaurant, or it would be late at night (past 10pm) and she would get and respond to texts from him. So we had several huge blowouts where she felt I was trying to keep her from having friends of her own. Trying to control her, etc... Their relationship cooled off because the texting stopped and life returned to normal. I deployed to Iraq a couple months ago, and 8 days after I left I check the phone bill (I'm able to keep up with the bills here, so she doesn't have to) and they are texting again. A lot. It started out at about 20 times a day, and now it's upwards of 60 a day with phone calls. There were even a couple visits between them at public places i didn't find out about until after the fact. I got upset over it, and she told him they couldn't talk anymore... that stopped her from texting this guy altogether, but she was VERY mad at me for ruining her friendship. So I asked her to go ahead and be friends with him, but maybe throttle back a bit. Didn't happen. She told me they have talked about his missed opportunity to be with her way back when, they talk about WHY he didn't want to be in that kind of relationship with her. She says she has been able to put some things behind her regarding their past. But, the texts and calls have ramped up over the last two months. My wife is a great woman, a great friend, and a great mother to our child. But am I wrong to feel that this is a bit much? 60 texts a day, and who knows how many IM's PC to PC. I am worried she, and him, have become infatuated with each other and when I get home in a short while, I am terrified of how volatile the situation will be when I start objecting again. I don't want to lose her, but I don't know how to make myself feel better about this. She has no other good friends, just him. If I take him away by objecting, I could lose her. HELP!
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male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (19 June 2009):
 Thank you for serving our country.Now on to the issue at hand.The signs are all there. I am afraid to tell you, but you already know the answer.She is most likley sleeping with this guy while you are overseas. We like to think "how could our loved one do this to us?" How can this be?Oh it beYou want to find a thread...something...ANYTHING to convince yourself that they are friends and that it just cant be happening. But you know betterWell it is, and you know it as well as I do. These are not the actions of a great woman, wife or best friend. These are the actions of someone who is a selfish cheater. plain and simple.The sad reality is that you can probably name a multitude of people in your unit that have had their marriages go tits up due to overseas duty. Not to mention that social sites on the web are RELATIONSHIP KILLERS!It is way too easy for someone to get enamored with a few nice compliments from an long lost friend in cyberspace and throw their marriage out the window at those places.Take a look at some peoples status and moods at those places...young or old, married or single...they are all the same... I call it HATERS AND HOOKUPS..lolShe is using an age old script on you. Take a look at some of the posts around the site and read them under the "cheating" sublinks....many of the same tired words she has told you are contained there...matter of fact it could have been taken verbatim from many posts.Her act is as fresh as a Foghat ConcertBut getting back to you. I know that there isn't a lot you can do until you get home. And being in an agitated state while in the service can be equally straining for you in performing your duties. Short of using a remote keylogger on her computer or cancelling her phone under her nose, and reading her traffic she will most likely continue this behavior. She is emotionally cheating for sure...its only a matter of time before she is spreading her legs for her old friend, if she already hasn't. Im willing to bet the farm she has already. I am wondering whether you will have a marriage to go back to, for it sure as hell does not seem like itBut in the interim you know you cant trust her. Please see someone in the military legal profession and at least give her the scare of her life with threatening to divorce her if this behavior does not stop.Then when you get home...divorce herI am so sorry it must seem like a bad Lifetime Saturday Night Movie to you.
A
female
reader, alishamarie08 +, writes (19 June 2009):
Hey there thanks for doing such great work for our country!!! Ok one odd thing that hits me why does she only have one friend! With all that time spent on her "friend" now why doesn't she spend that time looking for new friends! Personally I think you have all the right to be angry and upset with her! You are serving our country! 60 texts a day I hope she's working instead of sitting on her butt texting him. I would asking yourself how much can you trust her!!! I'm sorry! I hate giving bad news....
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