A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been married for about a year now. As I get to know my wife better who turned 28 recently, here is the lowdown. She has low self-esteem, is needy, overly jealous, has some symptoms of dependent personality if internet sites are to be believed. She gives me hard time every time another woman enters my field of vision in her presence. Just the other day I was taking a left turn in my car and checked to make sure road was clear and there happen to be a girl with short clothing on the street. She gets depressed very easily and cries like 12 year old. I have found that I can also easily stop her crying if I treat her like a 12 year old girl. No adult like conversation -just tickle her until she gets distracted. I quickly jumped into wedlock soon as I misunderstood her behaviour initially. Divorce is like a dream but not an option since I exercised it once already. Right now my attitude is -it can be worse. When it gets too much i think of people who lose a limb or loved one in an accident. Makes it tolerable. Any advice on how to fix her mind even a little bit.
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female
reader, Rae1031  +, writes (28 January 2009):
I think that my husband feels the same way about me as the way you are describing your feelings for your wife, but if you want it from my point of view, my husband is a disrespectful S.O.B. and divorce is starting to sound like a dream to me also. The only differance here is that he does not tickle me and I do not laugh at all, at anything anymore. I am sure that you can not possibly be as bad as him, at least it seems as if you are trying in some way to salvage your marriage that you are obviously unhappy with so I do have to give you credit for that. Anyway, I do believe that if she appears to be insecure and spends a lot of time crying you probably need to be a little bit more objective and understand that she is obivously not very happy either. Her laughing when you tickle her is probably only her way of letting you know that she acknowledges and apperciates your attempts to cheer her up. You probably do not mean to do it, but sometimes without even thinking, married men will continue to look at other women in the same way that they always did and there is nothing wrong with that as long as it is an admiring glance and not a disrespectful stare, most women can handle that and usually do not even notice it. The problem occurs when you forget to give your wife the same attention that you gave her before you got married because now you see her all the time. Again, I know that if you do this, it is probably not intentional, but from her point of view, now that she is your wife, you are suddenly paying more attention to other women then you are her. I am sure if you were to treat her like a women and give her your undivided attention for at least 5-10 mins., hold her in your arms, and let her know how beautiful you think she is and how much you love her at least once a day, the crying and jealousy would stop all together.
A
male
reader, Kepi  +, writes (28 January 2009):
 A year long marriage is too short a time just to give up on it, there is obviously an underlying reason that she is acting the way you describe and it needs to be addressed sooner rather than later.... I recommend that you talk with her about these problems, but not as they are her problems but about your concern about the issues and suggest counselling. Maybe the fact that you talk with her will allow her to explain her feelings and actions, but she and you need help to get through this.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2009): I would not think that my mate tickling me makes me seem 12 and to be described that way, strikes me as both mean and rude. Maybe she is insecure. Maybe she does cry from depression. Maybe you really are not that loving towards her either. I don't know. But your one-sided portrayal leaves a lot to be desired.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2009): Yes, your wife does have some personality traits, that don't bode well for you and I understand that. However, with her being a person with low self-esteem, who is also needy and overly jealous is a description of a lot of seemingly 'normal' people out there..maybe not the healthiest of folks, but a good amount of the population.
Unless you can come up with some other, far worse traits..I just think you need to realize that all people come with a history (not always a happy history, but a set of experiences which makes them the way they are. And sometimes it's very challenging and hard for them to change.
So here she is...displaying what you feel is childish behavior. Is this the only way she acts childlike? Does this occur just when she is sad and depressed? Is she reasonably okay, in other aspects, of her life? Can she function maturely, daily, in a job, cleaning the house, shopping, and socially, with friends?
Listen when we choose someone we love and want to marry, we are more likely to be happy by someone who is basically on the same 'page' as we are. It's called compatability. But she's got some issues and she's not pleasing to you. So in a marriage I really believe, when one spouse is floundering, the other does all they can to help. We don't just roll over and walk away. Why don't you ask her to see a counselor..someone who can help her with her low self-esteem and deperession, which is the root of her other problems, likely. Marriage includes two people, and it takes both to succeed. It's time for a talk, a thoughtful, calm expression of your feelings. Let your wife know the seriousness of the situation. She must understand how important it is for her to make the effort to manage her depression, her jealousy issues, her low self-esteem. There could be a painful reason why she is this way. Try this route first, but please help her. You are her partner...her husband.
She has to make the choice to help herself however. If she doesn't, want to get healthier...then you may have to make a break from this as she's not holding up her end of this partnership and it's not fair to you. If you love her, you will help her though. Try that path first. Take care, and I wish you both the best of luck.
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A
male
reader, 2old4this +, writes (28 January 2009):
 That is commendable that you wan to work on it, but probably not good. If you are miserable I don't think you should stay. But, talk to her. Tell her how you feel. If she doesnt get it then go to marraige counciling. I do think you should try everything else before divorce.
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