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anonymous
writes: Hi all, I am currently going through a seperation with my wife. We just had a daughter together. She left me because we argued a lot and that she felt the trust was no longer there, because of broken promises and stupid lies on my part. So for 2 months she has been trying to find it within herself to forgive me but she says that she has forgiven me too many times in the past. I have made a lot of changes in life and how I treat her. She can see the changes I've made. But last night after taking her out to a nice resturant for dinner. Just one of my efforts to suck-up and show her my love, she said "we're wasting time trying with this". She took off her ring and said that she just can't forgive me, after telling me that all she wants to be able to do is forgive me. How on earth do I find something that will allow her to forgive me? Reply to this Question
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reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (10 October 2005):
 Sounds like you are SOL buddy. Consider it a lesson learned. Stay a part of your daughter's life. If you do find another love, don't pull the same crap (whatever it was) on her.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2005): Because of all the pain she has endured with you, in the past, she simply cannot forgive, forget and trust you. My best advice is to leave her alone and move on, because she is not going to take you back. In her mind, what you have done to her, is way too hard for her to let go of. And at least she's being honest and open with you, in telling her that. Perhaps she's given YOU more "honesty" of what you gave her in the past??? Only you know that answer. So, maybe what you should be doing instead of hounding her to forgive you, is to take a good, hard long look at yourself and figure out why you did what you did to her. Are you sure you really want her back? If you had really truely loved her and wanted to be with her so much, then why did you do what you did, to hurt her? She likely asking herself these same questions. Are you sure your actions in trying to get her back, aren't actually motivated by your guilt? If they are, then stop it...that's selfish, insincere and she knows what you are doing! She sounds like a strong, woman with incredible self-respect and I admire that. You should too. Sucking up and asking her for forgiveness, doesn't change the fact that you caused your her a lot of pain and anger, and she upholds a lot of value in herself, so then she will not come back to you. So, the best thing you can do is leave her alone and focus on forgiving yourself and moving on. I wish you luck..take care
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reader, pops +, writes (9 October 2005):
You probably can't. Sometimes, people go too far, and once you cross that boundary, you face the punishment of losing something or someone you love. Back off and give her both space and time. Stick with the reforms and the new you. Make sure you take care of her, and your daughter financially. Sometimes people can change their minds if they finally come to realize that you have changed permanently for the good. But, don't be surprised if you here from her attorney. Learn from your mistakes, always be respectful of her, and move on with your life.
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reader, Tecate99 +, writes (9 October 2005):
Sorry man. She should see those changes and give you another chance. Did you ask her "why?" after she told you that "we're wasting time with this." ?
Whatever the past is, she can't let it go and it hurts her too much to bear. Don't pressure her into taking you back by sucking up. Give her time, but remain close to her. Maybe in the future she will forgive you and take you back. But don't put your life on hold for her. There's no guarantee.
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