A
male
age
41-50,
*edscorpio
writes:I just recently found out that my wife has interest in other women. She said she can not be truly happy till she experience it for her self. i have given her my support but i feel like i am missing out. I am not sure what to do. if any one that's has gone through the same situation could give me some advice i would be very thankful. i have no one else to talk to about it so i am hoping the internet community could help
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2010): My wife recently said a similar thing to me. We've been married almost 24 years and this came up because I "stumbled upon" her in a situation. I now believe if it hadn't been for that accident of discovery, I'd never have learned because she'd never have told me. So one positive point is that your wife has openly told you one of her secrets.
I have always been open about sex and able to discuss and listen, but with my wife it's been difficult because she's been almost inarticulate about how relations are between us but, it seems, open with others. She never told me before of her attraction to certain people, including to two or three women we both were acquainted with as neighbors or colleagues. I always understood that when talking to her friends, how involved their conversations became on certain topics, but--foolish me--I never realized she would talk about us, too, only when I wasn't around to hear. I did, however, feel she wouldn't talk about those things with me and I felt slighted, I admit. Your own wife has only told you something she has probably felt or experienced all her life; there is probably a whole lot else you do not know.
This answer is growing long. I'll shorten it: Be open, be patient, but take charge of your own life. Don't live less well because your wife wants to control you.
Me? Because I can afford it, I have separated from my wife--given her long long leash, to live however she chooses. I am not her father. She has to be a big girl now and understand that this is not fantasy land. I'm taking a wait and see attitude. We're separating and I'm going to meet other women, an idea that she cannot stand. I don't like being secondbest in a a secondbest bed. We'll either work things out or not, but I want a woman who is open and honest or I'd rather be single.
A
female
reader, Amity=Friendship +, writes (2 July 2010):
Well, I have a best friend that is openly bisexual and she has had this problem in the past as well.
Try asking your wife if you can sit in and observe her 'relations' with other women. I know this may seem a bit cheap or dirty, but if you are in a committed relationship or marriage, then you have every right to know what is going on in her life.
That said, sit down with her and talk about it. Go over your options with her and decide what you can both do to insure that BOTH of you can be comfortable with this situation and that everyone's needs are met.
Rest assured, it is not uncommon for people to want to experiment with others of the same sex, and there isn't anything unhealthy about it as long as both parties are 'clean'. But you definitely need to talk to her about your concerns and let her know that you are feeling left out. Chances are, she will understand and be willing to work something out.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2010): your wife is not satified by you and you no it..so maybe you need to shake it up in the bedroom area or be a little more romantic instead of just doing it. why don't u go to a beach at night light a fire have a picnic dance under the stars and then well u no but don't forget the blanket..
also most women might question thier sexuailty your just jealous and maybe a little hurt cos she has a spark for this idea. did you sugguest a three way. say you want a try it on with a man if u dare!! to see her reaction.
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A
female
reader, Blue Sahara +, writes (2 July 2010):
 We make ourselves happy by choosing to be happy, not because of some action we get to do.
When I met my partner, he was very much into making love and having sex be very intimate and personal. I was very much into forms of bondage and making sex be not remotely personal. And it was hard for me at the beginning cause I felt like I was missing out on something that I was craving. But I was willing to try it his way cause I wasn't going to force him into something as extreme as that. And I now love his way of making love some much more than my way. I am almost ashamed of how much I wanted to remove the intimate element of sex cause it's so much more satisfying this way.
There were times I thought I really needed sex my way but I realized how shortsighted it was to think a certain kind of sex was going to be the ultimate thing that satisfied me. And I am grateful I saw it cause it helped me grow up.
Your wife made a vow to forsake all others. And so did you. Just because she or someone else is saying it doesn't count cause it's not a man, that is so false. If she doesn't want to stick by her vows then she needs to walk away from the promises she's made instead of trying to get the person she made a promise to, to support her in breaking it.
And from my experience, there is no such thing as "one time" in sexual experimentation. Even if it's just one woman, there is going to be other things she will "need" to make her happy.
And I'm sorry but asking you to compromise in this way so she can feel happy is an unreasonable request.
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