A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm very concerned about something that I dont know if I should be. I married a little over a week ago. I've known my wife for nearly 3 years. When we first started dating, I'm not positive she was exclusive with me, and I found evidence about 6 months into my relationship with her that she might have been with this other guy she claims was just FWB before we met, but I later found out from her cousin that she loved him and wanted him to leave his wife for her.After I found out about this guy early in our relationship, I admit I followed her emails and such pretty closely to make sure I wasn't getting duped. Things were OK, and I let that bad habit go. I would occasionally see him message her on FB or email her and she made no attempt to hide it. She even told me. After all , they were friends and I was totally OK with it. After some time (like a year), the messages and emails seemed to fade. Not that I was checking, but we share a laptop and she would open and close her email files and FB in front of me. I was innocently checking her FB frinds one day recently, and this guy was gone. I thought, OK, good...she's moved on.Well, I mentioned it today that I noticed her former "friends" weren't contacting her anymore. She said, no, they were, in fact, she said she wished this guy a happy birthday since his birthday was June 1. However, there was no set of messages in FB or an email, deleted, sent or otherwise. WE WERE ON OUR HONEYMOON JUNE 1 and here she is wishing a former lover a happy birthday.WHat should I think? She obviously deleted whatever emails or whatever was written. That in iteslf is a bit of a red flag. Why is she hiding thiese emails but openly admitting it to me? And the fact she was thinking of a former lover on our honeymoon makes me very upset. I know she loves me with all her heart, and I know this guy was a friend in addition to a lover, but I still feel awfully confused.What should I do or say?
View related questions:
cousin Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, doublejack +, writes (7 June 2012):
I'm very sorry to say this, OP, but I see several red flags. Your wife was FWB with a married man, so that brings into question her morals. She's apparently hiding communication from you, another no-no. The fact that she's still in contact with former lovers is an issue for me, although some would accept that. However, that she thinks of them and contacts them on your honeymoon is another thing entirely.I am not going to suggest that you leave her (as I honestly would based on my past experiences), but I do see where you'll need to communicate the things that bother you to her. Hopefully she will listen and the two of you can reach an accord. Your wife has a right to friends, of course, but it's definitely a gray area when it comes to former lovers turned friends. If they make you uncomfortable, then I personally believe you have a right to ask for no-contact.Best of luck!
|
