A
male
age
41-50,
*enro
writes:what to do when my wife is not as interested in me sexually as she was with her exes? i've been married for just over two years. throughout our marriage my wife has never been that into sex with me. while we were dating, it was a problem. and it bothered me also because many of her exes were still in the picture and she told me about their sexuality, and it was much more than what we have now. i tried to talk to her a lot while we were dating about my problem and she told me that she needed to get married and things would change. well, they really didn't. I spent a lot of money on a nice honeymoon, nicer place than either of us had been too. we were there in a hotel on the beach for a week, and we had sex twice. both times, it was not wanted by her. it was done just to get it over with and say that we did it. when we do have sex now, it's not that often and it's the same thing everytime. in the bed,she has to work herself up, and missonary position with me on top of her so she can just lay there. there is no effort by her. i feel so inferior now to her ex relationships, because they were very sexual. she told me about having sex in a car at work with some guy, and sex in an elevator with another, and all of these different sexual experiences that were very experimental and hot and heavy. i don't get any of that. am i wrong for feeling that as her husband i should receive more than any other relationship? or at the very least as much? i don't know what to do anymore. it drives me crazy everyday, and i don't feel like a man at all. last week we went out and one of here exes were there, and it just happened to be one that a week before she told me was her former "booty-call". i just wanted to leave. i feel like such a loser. i feel like there are so many other guys out there that had a much more open sexual relationship with my wife than i had, and that's not a good feeling. i've thought about cheating, but i know that i won't. i don't want to leave her but i don't want to keep feeling this way. what do i do?
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male
reader, raven100  +, writes (8 August 2009):
Hi,I would like to help you, I hope so, i will.You need to solve that, otherwise it's gonnna be bad for your marriage. Ok, lets start.Can you tell me how close to each other you are? Do you tell her about your love, and does she say that she loves you? How often? It's crucial, It's very important to know if your wife loves you and you her ... I seem you do.I know that most of women like naughty things during the sex. The like naughty words, they like to be rough. Why can't you be like that? Can't you just impress her? Just go to her and get her dress up and just f*ck her. I know that it seems to be not right. but she seems to like it. Everybody needs different stimulation. She has sexual fantasis, so talk with her about it. Just do it in that way. And do it in your wildest ways. Just free your minds. Be creative, without any limitations! :)If it's not helping go to the sexuologist, he will probably help. And try to be a strict man!Good luck!R.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2009): Stop feeling like a loser and stop doing comparisons with these other men. These men did not love her it was just sex to them What you two have is much more. You obviously love each other or otherwise you wouldn't have married. Maybe she tells you about these men because she wants things to be more exciting between the two of you. Ask her why she feels that its necessary to discuss her past. If she was so having hot sex and being so open then what happened? I think maybe that the guys from her past were the open ones and she just went along because it was exciting. She is not exactly showing you her exciting side by getting herself worked up and then choosing the missionary position Sounds like she may intimacy issues. You may to treat her like a dirty slut, lol. Take control,talk to her about how YOU want to be pleased. Find out what you can do to get her worked up.Don't bring up the other guys, that is the past and it will only make you seem insecure. Women like the confident man. You may have to try something different, like in car or on a roof,lol. You can have what they had and have it even better and have it for the rest of your lives. Me and my hubby have really hot sex even after eight years. We have learned so much about each other and have made it not be so routine, its not quantity, its quality. It will take time and you will have to work at it. Communication is key.Good Luck, hope this helps:)
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A
male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (8 August 2009):
 Really difucult to break out of these patterns. If you don't feel like a man to yourself then you certainly won't feel like a man to her. Without knowing more about you it is hard to say but work on activities unrelated to sex which build your confidence and make you feel more of a man. Maybe get back into doing more exercise IF that is something that you uses to enjoy (don't do it if itis just goin to make you feel worse about yourself.
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