A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My wife is still hung up on her first love. She has just had contact with him a little while ago. After that she has been crying and depressed. she says she still loves me, But she loves him too. They have not been together in 20 years. And were together about 2 years. We dated about 1 year. And we have been married for 12 years. I want my wife back before they started talking. Or do I just file and get it over with? I know he is married too. I need some advice ASAP.John P.
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female
reader, xLovex  +, writes (23 August 2008):
I think right now that the last thing you should do is break up with her. You clearly care about her as you are asking this question and the fact that you are asking if what to do shows that you are not 100% ready to end it. This is the time when your wife will need the most support and will realy put your relationship to the test. I think going away at a problem like this would not be of best interest of your wife. Try to be as comforting and supportive as you can. Like other aunts have suggested if she keeps rejecting your help and stops communication tell her that you think its in the best interest for her and your relationship that she see's a therapist. But try your best to see whats wrong first before the therapist and if you are at your wits end then think about ending the relationship.
Good luck and keep posted xxx
A
female
reader, Lily Moll +, writes (23 August 2008):
I agree with marieclaire. Neither she nor he or the same anymore. It's like she's in love with an idea or a memory, not a person. What should be a concern is the way she's letting it play out. As in, why contact each other now? Who initiated contact? And why would she let this illusion of a feeling hurt the person she truly loves, which is you? It's normal to always have a certain love for the people you have loved in your past, especially that first love. But letting the feeling take over and influence your life together now indicates that something is wrong. My guess is that she finds something lacking in her relationship with you or in her life situation now, and/or that she's depressed. People just kind of get used to each other over time, and there are all sorts of things that can make a person unhappy in their life. Does she have good friends? A satisfying job? Kids? Therapy would be a good idea, at the very least for her, but ideally for the both of you. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, mahtab +, writes (23 August 2008):
first of all just think what she is missing in her life that has made her to keep in touch with her ex.To breakup a relationship in any case it should not be a first choice as much as possible.try to communicate and if it is not possible see if she is willing to go for therapy.If she accept it means she wants to try not to break this relationship.I know you are in a very difficult situation.Hope this matter will solved in a positive way for you both.Good luck
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